Wedding Etiquette Forum

missing bridesmaid

When we ordered he bm dresses I offered to pay for one of them upfront so the dress shop could order them in time for the wedding. My bm said she was getting paid soon and would pay me back then. She has not paid me back and I haven't brought it up.

It took a month longer than expected to get took the dresses in, only four weeks before he wedding. So when they came in I called each bm to see when they were going for their fitting. Three answered and ended up coming with me for my fitting. Never heard from the fourth bm. Turns out there was a big problem with the structure of the dress and it needs major alterations which the owner of the shop is going to fix as a courtesy, the girls will just have to pay for the hem, which is not a big price. So I called the fourth bm several times to let her know that the dresses were in, they need major alterations which will take longer than planned so she needs to go for her fitting asap. She didn't reply to any of my texts or phone messages.

My Mom happened to mention to her mom that I hadn't heard from her, so he bm's mom said she'd have her call me. The bm called about a half an hour later and after phone tag we finally talked later that night. She said she'd go in asap for her fitting. Again I didn't mention that she hadn't paid me back for the dress, I only mentioned that the hem was the only alteration she had to pay for. I tried to contact her while I was out of town last week to see how the fitting went but never heard from her.

My wedding is on less than two weeks and I'm not even sure if she's had her fitting. I really want to figure out what's going on but it is hard to do so since she isn't returning my phone calls. I worry that she is avoiding me because she hasn't given me money for the dress. Of course money is tight for me too and it would be nice if she did but I haven't mentioned it to her since I called to let her know months ago that I ordered the dresses. Having her stand up for me is more important than the money I spent on her dress.
I am so confused by her lack of contact. I'm worried that she wants to drop out but have no way of knowing what is on her mind since I haven't been able to talk to her. I just don't know what to do at this point. my last resort is to call he mom to ask if everything is ok but that feels too much like tattling on a grown woman to her mom...

Thanks for sticking with me and reading to the end. I'd really appreciate any advice you might have!

Also she didn't return my calls when I asked her if she wanted to get her hair, make up or nails done with us before the wedding.

Re: missing bridesmaid

  • edited September 2012
    Tk mobile stinks! Sorry I tried to make paragraphs twice but they aren't showing up!
  • If you don't care about the money, why not leave a voicemail saying as much? "Hi BM, I know you've been super busy, but I just wanted to let you know that you don't need to rush to pay me back for the dress / I'm going to cover your dress, don't worry about paying me back. I just really want you to be there with me on my wedding day." 

    Also, could it be the case that you're only talking to her about the wedding, and she's getting tired of that? Make sure you're still including plenty of non-wedding related conversations (or voicemails, as the case may be). 

    If your hair / makeup / nail stylist needs a headcount, call your BM and tell her. "Hi BM. The other BMs and I are getting our hair done the morning of the wedding. I'd love if you could join us, but the stylist needs to know by [date] how many people will be there. Please let me know if you can make it. Thanks!" 

    Alternatively, you could just include her in the count ahead of time, and plan on paying for her hairdo/makeup (if those are being professionally done). If she shows up, you're covered, if not, nothing lost. 
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