Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?

JustineOlivia

My sister and I are both getting married this summer, and I just got her invitation--it lists me and a "guest" rather than putting my fiance's name (we will be getting married two months after them). I would MAYBE understand this IF they had also sent my fiance his own invitation but he has gotten nothing yet...what's more, my FI also asked my sister's FI to be a groomsman in the wedding...so I would think this would at least necessitate his name on my invitation.

I know this was probably just an oversight on their part so I'm trying not to take it personally but--can someone please enlighten me on proper etiquette here? Am I wrong to think he should be listed on the invite, or given his own?

Side note: I got ANOTHER invitation for a friend's wedding with the same thing--just me and "guest" even though she is well-aware of the fact that we are getting married in four months. I was annoyed with that but then even moreso when I saw the same thing on the invite from my sister...

What's proper here??

Snippylynn

That's just laziness.  Seriously.

achiduck

No, you're not over-reacting. It is rude to list "and guest" when someone is in a relationship. It is made even worse by the fact that it's your sister.

My brother and his FI are getting married this July and listed my FI as "and guest" on my invite. I was pretty pissed.

The only time "any guest" is acceptable is when the person is 100% single.

mkrupar

Ditto. Your own sister didn't put your FI's name on the invite. That's lame.

waltzingmatilda13

Yeah, your FI's name should definitely be on the invite. He's going to be her BIL in 4 months. That's just rude.

Meg1036

Nothing you can do about it...but you're right.  That's really not ok.

mica178

My MIL was under the impression that "and guest" is used unless the couple is married.  Thank goodness I knew better.  I have a funny feeling that the mistake was just misinformation, possibly a regional thing.

I'd be annoyed but move on quickly.  You've got more important things to fuss over, like the planning of your own wedding (hopefully you won't make as many mistakes).

jessicabessica

Rude + lazy.

JustineOlivia

Thanks ladies. I was hoping it wasn't me just being a buttface! I did ask my mom in a quick email why the invitation was that way; I don't want to make a big deal of it because I know they didn't mean anything by it, but I need to let them know how we feel about it.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:58db7bfe-8e8f-4bd7-8370-47e6b5ec6235">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]My MIL was under the impression that "and guest" is used unless the couple is married.  Thank goodness I knew better.  I have a funny feeling that the mistake was just misinformation, possibly a regional thing. 
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I've heard the same thing from a couple of people.  They are wrong, but I would give your sister the benefit of the doubt and assume that she just got some bad advice.  Especially if she's never done anything to make you think she is trying to slight your FI.
</div><div>
</div><div>Or he can respond like my H, when the same thing happened to us.  He showed up at the wedding and introduced himself as "Guest" when the couple came around.  </div>

JustineOlivia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:9b6858c1-2f70-4f91-8b1a-214be7c3fd6d">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]Or he can respond like my H, when the same thing happened to us.  He showed up at the wedding and introduced himself as "Guest" when the couple came around.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Lol that's too funny...we will have to try that!!

aragx6

The last wedding I went to they didn't even bother to write and guest on it. I thought my FI wasn't invited, but apparently she just didn't want to take the time to figure out everyone's names (even though when she asked for my address I literally sent his full name along with it since I knew she didn't know it.)

I don't blame you for being peeved -- it's your sister afterall! -- but I'd try and give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't being intentionally rude.

cengle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:e88c5beb-b524-4e76-8da5-f80cf46d275b">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]That's just laziness.  Seriously.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]


Yup. Your sister and friend suck.
But, not much can be done about it.

Before H and I got engaged, we got invited to a wedding of a friend of mine. H was all "do I get to be your +1." He was so excited that his name was on the invitation and he wasn't just "and guest." He's silly.

BunnyChii

Is it rude? Yes. I get the feeling that she probably put "and guest" on almost every invitation, though. She was probably either misinformed or wasn't thinking right. Either way, I'd let it go.

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:75b1cca2-2b65-4358-beff-a01a7e58bb2b">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The last wedding I went to they didn't even bother to write and guest on it.</strong> I thought my FI wasn't invited, but apparently she just didn't want to take the time to figure out everyone's names (even though when she asked for my address I literally sent his full name along with it since I knew she didn't know it.) I don't blame you for being peeved -- it's your sister afterall! -- but I'd try and give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't being intentionally rude.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

At least he really <strong>was</strong> invited. This same thing happened to me and I assumed the bride (who was marrying my cousin) just left it off assuming I knew my fiance was invited. Found out that he really wasn't because they "didn't have the space". I was beyond pissed. I tried talking to her again saying that everyone would be asking where he was and that I wasn't going to lie..the truth would come out, which would make her look bad. I would not want to do this to someone on their wedding day no matter how mad they made me. So I called her future mother in law (my aunt) and she just told me to bring him...that she would deal with the bride.

And about the original post, it is quite rude but I would just move on like everyone else has said. There are bigger things to worry about! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

Calypso1977

i like to sometimes think that this happens because someone's mom does the invites rather than the bride herself and they either just dont know the names or as others said think "and guest" is perfectly appropriate.

JustineOlivia

Thanks ladies, I feel better just venting about it a bit! I'm definitely not going to push the issue or anything--if it was my sister doing the invites, then it was just her being in a hurry. If it was my mom, it was a complete oversight because I know she would never do anything to hurt me or my FI.

Thanks for your support!!!

hlq2011

Ditto PPs.

One of my bridesmaids invited me to her wedding with an "and guest" last year... and even once I wrote in on the RSVP FI's name, our place card at the wedding still said HLQ "and guest"

I was irritated, but never said anything about it.  Not worth making trouble.

JustineOlivia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:a28336fb-4a4e-475c-910c-7ef0ef667b08">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto PPs. One of my bridesmaids invited me to her wedding with an "and guest" last year... and even once I wrote in on the RSVP FI's name, our place card at the wedding still said HLQ "and guest" I was irritated, but never said anything about it.  Not worth making trouble.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Oh WOW...that takes the cake!

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:7eb4dc44-a817-4518-9a81-fa026eab3b65">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting? : At least he really was invited. Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Absolutely! I figured he wasn't, which I considered unbearably rude, so I was planning to simply decline the invitation. I mentioned something about it to a married friend and she told me that her husband's name wasn't on her invitation either. Well I had a hard time imagining ANYONE could be so rude as to not invite someone's spouse, so I asked her to confirm with the bride that her husband was invited -- I figured that seemed less awkward and rude than asking the bride about my FI. The bride said -- "Oh of course, everyone is invited with a guest. I just figured that was a given."

MRads

OP, this happened to me, too. My sister got married and the invite was to me and guest.  I wasn't going to say anything, but FI was really pretty upset.  Especially because he asked my parents if he could marry me (which, I'll be honest, I think is kind of stupid, but did it to make my parents happy) and they said they were unsure and would have to think about it...not the best way to start of an engagement.

Since then, we've gotten four more invitations to me and guest...its stupid and lazy.  The only reason I really said anything to my Mom though was because FI was so upset.  I wouldn't get too upset, though.  And while making my guest list I made sure to include SO's names...its really not that hard, esp with fb.

Karen's MOH

At a wedding I went to last summer, H (then FI) and I were invited by both our names. But I was speaking with another couple, who had been dating for 4 years or so by then, and the girl was saying "I know it's proper etiquette and all, but I kind of hate how it was Chris and guest on the invite and place card". I had to inform her that no, it wasn't proper etiquette at all! But I guess some people do think that, so in your case, I'd just assume she thought she was being more proper doing it that way (or her mom did).

But... yeah, I'd be pretty pissed too. Then get over it.

katieisawesome

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:13a32f4c-dcd6-4422-ad4a-8cb3c678cf48">Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister and I are both getting married this summer, and I just got her invitation--it lists me and a "guest" rather than putting my fiance's name (we will be getting married two months after them). I would MAYBE understand this IF they had also sent my fiance his own invitation but he has gotten nothing yet...what's more, my FI also asked my sister's FI to be a groomsman in the wedding...so I would think this would at least necessitate his name on my invitation. I know this was probably just an oversight on their part so I'm trying not to take it personally but--can someone please enlighten me on proper etiquette here? Am I wrong to think he should be listed on the invite, or given his own? Side note: I got ANOTHER invitation for a friend's wedding with the same thing--just me and "guest" even though she is well-aware of the fact that we are getting married in four months. I was annoyed with that but then even moreso when I saw the same thing on the invite from my sister... What's proper here??
Posted by JustineOlivia[/QUOTE]

<div>Stupid and rude - both of them. </div>

bczican77

I wouldn't be very happy either. The only time I addressed my invites as "and guest" is if they were single, or if we were inviting someone who we knew, but didn't really know their SO and they DIDN'T live together.  If they lived together, I made it a point to find out the name of their bf/gf.

On that note.. a friend of mine got married in November.  We have the same boss and coworkers.  She only listed my boss's name (not her husbands) on the invite. Same thing with the coworker. Needless to say, neither of them were happy about it.  We are a small office and have all worked together for 5+ years, so she definitely should have known better! 

wareagle5678

About 6 months ago, I was invited to my friend's wedding, but FI was not because they ran out of space after inviting 300+ and anyone who was not married could not bring a date. (I found out later that several non-married couples had been invited). But about a month before the wedding, I get an invitation to her honeymoon shower...and the invitation specifically requested that the guests shower the couple with $$ for their 'moon. And who was it addressed to? Me "& Guest." I bit my tongue, politely declined the shower invite and graciously attended the wedding. And that's just the start of the etiquette breaches...

jemmini6

I would probably assume she just didn't know she should include names.  Or like a PP mentioned where maybe one of her BM's helped or something.  Basically, yes, it was rude, but I'd let it go.

Although, depending on the relationship with your sister, I'd joke around and just refer to your FI as "Guest" whenever you talk to her.  If she asks you why you can say because that was his name on your invite.

JustineOlivia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:d95b4645-bb99-42bf-95cb-3bfc25dad4a5">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]About 6 months ago, I was invited to my friend's wedding, but FI was not because they ran out of space after inviting 300+ and anyone who was not married could not bring a date. (I found out later that several non-married couples had been invited). But about a month before the wedding, I get an invitation to her honeymoon shower...and the invitation specifically requested that the guests shower the couple with $$ for their 'moon. And who was it addressed to? Me "& Guest." I bit my tongue, politely declined the shower invite and graciously attended the wedding. And that's just the start of the etiquette breaches...
Posted by wareagle5678[/QUOTE]

Ouch...I guess we all have our stories don't we? I'm not going to say too much else to my mom/sister, because I don't want to make them feel bad. My mother is the sweetest person in the world and would do anything for me, so I don't want to cause her any undue stress.

In the case of my friend however, I KNOW it was just her not caring because she just tends to be that way...would it be horrible if, when I invite her to my wedding a month after hers, I invited her "and guest?" It just bugs me how she doesn't seem to realize there's a world outside of herself sometimes...I kind of want to make a point, but at the same time I think she's also the type of person who will miss it COMPLETELY.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:0f2c2f49-0036-4f06-bc64-18982b7df657">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would probably assume she just didn't know she should include names.  Or like a PP mentioned where maybe one of her BM's helped or something.  Basically, yes, it was rude, but I'd let it go. Although, depending on the relationship with your sister, I'd joke around and just refer to your FI as "Guest" whenever you talk to her.  If she asks you why you can say because that was his name on your invite.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. </div>

LoveMuffins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:0f2c2f49-0036-4f06-bc64-18982b7df657">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would probably assume she just didn't know she should include names.  Or like a PP mentioned where maybe one of her BM's helped or something.  Basically, yes, it was rude, but I'd let it go. <strong>Although, depending on the relationship with your sister, I'd joke around and just refer to your FI as "Guest" whenever you talk to her.  If she asks you why you can say because that was his name on your invite.
</strong>Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

That just seems super passive agressive to me. If you have a problem with it, speak up. If you don't, then don't go the roundabout way of trying to get her to ask about it. If you do it once as an actual joke to be funny that's one thing, but actively trying to get her to ask about like that is just going to look immature and passive-aggressive.

acmj11

That is rude.  I was pissed when FI's friend did that back in September, except they didn't even put "and guest".  We were supposed to just assume I was invited.  If my sibling did this, I'd definitely say something.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_breach-of-etiquette-am-overreacting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c79b132c-2602-44ae-8ebe-e12613c971b5Post:a59cfbcf-2dca-465f-8a50-5b0933506a61">Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Breach of etiquette--or am I overreacting? : That just seems super passive agressive to me. If you have a problem with it, speak up. If you don't, then don't go the roundabout way of trying to get her to ask about it. If you do it once as an actual joke to be funny that's one thing, but actively trying to get her to ask about like that is just going to look immature and passive-aggressive.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

I guess it depends on people's relationships with their siblings and how offended you actually are about it.  If it was something that actually pissed me off, I would just say so.  But to me, it seems like a sort of harmless oversight and the relationship I have with my sisters is that I would tease them about their minor faux pas.