state of shock!

meme1212rlh

So a friend of mine and I have been talking about my wedding plans, as originally I was going to elope and take a small group of people with us. However after talking to my fiance and because some family couldnt travel with us we decided to move our wedding locally.  Our budget is tight but I am a diy girl and feel I can stil have wedding I want on a budget however my friend keeps suggesting we should elope which clearly isnt what we want and have officially decided against.  I however am stunned by her comment that this would be a lot cheaper when truly it will be the same cost.  I am unsure how to make her understand I value her opinion and the concern for us financially but everything we are doing does fit our budget and it is hurting my feelings seeing how this person is one of my dearest friends and I adore my friend but the opinion isnt welcomed in that area.  I have tried to explain numerous times to my friend this wont affect our budget its the same and we want our family and close friends with us that day including my friend whom I love and adore not just this reoccurring thought!  Any suggestions how to handle this without being blunt or should I move forward with not including the friend in the planning?  This friend is a major part of my life I am just stunned and in a state of shock!  Please note just because I am asking for opinions doesnt mean I dont value my friendship nor will it change our relationship just really wanted my friend with me while I plan my big day but not if the comment is recurrent!

Maggie0829

I think the time has come to be majorly blunt with her.  The next time she says anything about your budget, which in all honesty is none of her business, simply tell her "I appreciate your concern, but this is the plan that both FI and I have agreed upon.  End of story!"  If she continues to push tell her "I am not discussing this with you anymore.  FI and I have made our decision."

If after all of that she continues to harp on this then stop talking wedding with her.  She can't offer her opinion if you don't let her.

Sierra524

Just tell her that you are doing things the way you want, and thats it.

Amyzen83

Honestly I'd be pissed if people kept telling me to elope. I hate the idea of wearing Jeans and a t-shirt to my own wedding but that's me. I don't understand how she is assisting in your wedding planning but frankly, your budget is none of HER business! She's lucky you even confided it in her to begin with. If I were you I'd tell her, you and your fi have made your decision and it's final, and don't bring up the wedding anymore. If she asks, change the subject or tell her you no longer wish to discuss the finances of the wedding.

meme1212rlh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_state-of-shock?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c7c62b2b-1031-4eef-8c0c-23bd2edc49fdPost:8752a03b-b151-4266-8312-a1054e5934a1">Re: state of shock!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly I'd be pissed if people kept telling me to elope. I hate the idea of wearing Jeans and a t-shirt to my own wedding but that's me. I don't understand how she is assisting in your wedding planning but frankly, your budget is none of HER business! She's lucky you even confided it in her to begin with. If I were you I'd tell her, you and your fi have made your decision and it's final, and don't bring up the wedding anymore. If she asks, change the subject or tell her you no longer wish to discuss the finances of the wedding.
Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]

The elopement was a planned elopement only 10 people and I have my dress but we found a venue that was in our budget locally where we could have additional family to be able to attend.  She means well but its officially over stepped boundaries for me this time!

zantster

Combine a couple things that PPs said:

1) Do not bring up or discuss wedding details with her

2) When she brings things up and makes suggestions just say "thanks but we've got that covered".

If she has the nerve to ask how, just tell her you want some things to be a surprise but you'll let her know if you need anything. 

Rinse and repeat...

Jen4948

"Friend, we will not be eloping and that's final.  Please stop suggesting it.  We have everything under control."

And that's the last time you discuss the wedding with her.

meme1212rlh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_state-of-shock?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c7c62b2b-1031-4eef-8c0c-23bd2edc49fdPost:3e7e24d3-a766-4f81-886d-0c8f7c7d8629">Re: state of shock!</a>:
[QUOTE]"Friend, we will not be eloping and that's final.  Please stop suggesting it.  We have everything under control." And that's the last time you discuss the wedding with her.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Thanks everyone for your input it helps! Just hard when you are for someone and value their opinion except this one!

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_state-of-shock?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c7c62b2b-1031-4eef-8c0c-23bd2edc49fdPost:8752a03b-b151-4266-8312-a1054e5934a1">Re: state of shock!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly I'd be pissed if people kept telling me to elope. I hate the idea of wearing Jeans and a t-shirt to my own wedding but that's me. I don't understand how she is assisting in your wedding planning but frankly, your budget is none of HER business! She's lucky you even confided it in her to begin with. If I were you I'd tell her, you and your fi have made your decision and it's final, and don't bring up the wedding anymore. If she asks, change the subject or tell her you no longer wish to discuss the finances of the wedding.
Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]

FYI, you can wear whatever you want when you elope.  You don't have to wear jeans and a t-shirt.

Amyzen83

Good luck to you OP, sorry your friend isn't more supportive of YOUR wishes. Looks like she does mean well though, but a little tooo pushy.