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Ceremony/Reception site--please help!

Hello! I'm new to the boards (yay!), and I need help! I have a two week hold for the Carolina Inn for my ceremony and reception. The two weeks is quickly drawing to a close, and I have to decide/send in my contract by this Friday, September 4th. My fiance agreed to the place and price, but just a few days ago when I asked him to sign the contract, he said he wasn't ready to do so, and he was really reconsidering the budget. He would like to elope! Or have a small beach wedding with just our parents and siblings. WHAT?! The budget isn't REALLY a problem--we can afford the Carolina Inn, but he feels like it's "a waste of money for just one day." AHHH! It doesn't help that he (1) doesn't like to plan anything, (2) is a pretty private person so isn't into big parties, especially when they're for him/us, and (3) he's been married before and he didn't really like his first wedding where they did do the whole shebang. I do understand his perspective but I've never been married before, I would like to have a fun party, and I love Chapel Hill and the Carolina Inn. My fiance says he's willing to get married at the Carolina Inn if it's what I really want, but I feel really selfish. (Let's face it--this is mostly HIS money paying for everything.) Also, I don't want him to complain for the next seven months until our wedding day, or after the wedding (though I don't think he'd complain afterwards--I'm sure it'll be a lovely day and place.)I'm trying to compromise, so I'm looking into other venues. Does anybody have any opinions on Caffe Luna, or anywhere else where we might be able to pull this off for less money?Or should I say it, "Screw it--Carolina Inn or bust."

Re: Ceremony/Reception site--please help!

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    edited December 2011
    I don't think "Carolina Inn or bust" is the right approach, especially after you just said, "he's been married before and he didn't really like his first wedding where they did do the whole shebang."I think it's nice that you're thinking about compromising & making it a day that both of you will enjoy. The Sienna hotel has a banquet area you might want to check out. The RTP Doubletree has both indoor & outdoor tented areas. The Millenium Hotel near Duke Gardens is pretty, but may be a little more expensive. Maggiano's Little Italy in Durham has a beautiful private banquet area, believe it or not (that's where we had our reception). Cafe Luna is nice & I've heard the reception food is good. The only con is that it's only open for receptions during the day. You can't have an afternoon or evening wedding there.
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    JemmessicaJemmessica member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First off... CONGRATS AND WELCOME!Second- as someone who has been engaged for almost a year, and will be getting married in a month, let me say, that if I had it all to do over again- I'd have a small backyard ceremony. It would be MUCH less $$ and just as meaningful. We are footing the bill for everything- and now I look at all those months I stuffed hundreds of dollars away into savings to pay for everyones pork tenderloin, and think- I could have a brand new car, or money invested, or this or that.... that will last MUCH longer than one day. I can only speak for myself saying this though- many girls will tell you they dream of the big lavish wedding, and want that. I'd say if the Carolina Inn is what you REALLY want, (and possibly you have fond memories there or some tie to it) and can't see regretting the decision down the road, then by all means go for it- personally, I could never do it. HTH! GL!
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    edited December 2011
    hi michelle, we ended up eloping and i have to say that i would not have done it any other way!! it was such an intimate way to tie the knot!  does the idea completely turn you off? if so, i would try to compromise with him and find a less expensive venue or cut the guest list way down so it's just your closest friends and family.
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    edited December 2011
    Definitely not the "Carolina Inn or Bust" philosophy. Talk to your FI. Really find out what he's thinking. Maybe you can both get what you want. What if you agree to the Carolina Inn, but put a cap on the guest list @ only 50 people (maybe use a different room in the Inn, if that's possible). Therefore, you get what you want, and still have a very elegant wedding, but he's not feeling completely overwhelmed, and it's with the people he feels most comfortable with.
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    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board Michelle!  You do have quite a dilemma on your hands.  My FI and I both want a big wedding, so that is what we are going for.  If your FI's already against a big wedding it might be best for you all to compromise on this.  I agree with Laud and Jemmessica (Sarah and Jessica) - if its not something that both of you want, you probably should look into other options.  At this point I would say to not send in the contract, give up your date and consider different ideas for a smaller, more intimate wedding.  Check out the NC Bride Bio (linked in many people's siggys) for ideas and I'll try to find some others as well.  HTH!
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    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately this doesn't say whether or not they are in Chapel Hill, but here is a list of Wedding Locations from my Officiant's website: [url]<a href="http://tinyurl.com/r9wocj" rel='nofollow'>http://tinyurl.com/r9wocj</a>[/url]And here is the NC Bride Bio where there is a ton of information: [url]<a href="http://www.ncbridebio.com/" rel='nofollow'>http://www.ncbridebio.com/</a>[/url]
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    1Michelle11Michelle1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice, ladies. I originally did want to do a small-ish wedding of 50 to 75 people. But the Carolina Inn has a minimum spend, and for the amount of money, we might as well have 100+. I hate to say this, but I think I have to agree with everybody and compromise--by finding a new place. It seems like a bad way to start the marriage if I don't....Does everybody else have very involved fiances? I do find it a little bit unfair that he doesn't want to do the Carolina Inn but hasn't done any research into other venues.
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    JemmessicaJemmessica member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That would probably peeve me a bit.... but I guess I was a bit dominating when it came to our venue.... before he ever proposed I said "You can marry me here, or not at all!" LOL!
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    edited December 2011
    Welcome!To answer your question about fiances, my fiance didnt care at all about ANY of the details, that's just how he is. I pretty much picked everything, not because I didn't want his input but literally because he just said, "if you like it, im sure I will too." Im not saying that to brag or anything with regards to your situation, but that's literally just how he is, VERY laid back. However, if he had told me he didnt feel comfortable doing a big wedding, I would never force one on him... marriage and relationships are about compromise and making each other happy. I'd never feel right making him do something that I knew deep down inside that his heart wasn't into. I bet anything that you could find a GORGEOUS venue to have a small intimate wedding - a beautiful bed & breakfast, nestled somewhere romantic, etc... bring in your own catering... something that YOU would love as well as him. I think in the end that's what's going to matter the most!
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    edited December 2011
    Michelle, my FI has been fairly involved in the process.  He went to all of the venues with me when we were first deciding on venues, we met with photographers, DJ and potential videographer together as well.  I think it really depends on how much you want him to be involved.  My FI is very vocal and outspoken, so I know I would hear it from him if I didn't include him on these outings.  I've also been telling him that its not just MY wedding, that its OUR wedding, and if he wants to have a say in what goes, I'm cool with that.  You probably need to have a talk with your's to determine what he cares about and what he doesn't.  For example, my FI could care less about flowers, and quite frankly I'm happy about that since the flowers will be my thing.  I think its a good idea for you to sit down and talk about your overall expectations for the wedding - big or small, what kind of venue/reception you want, and who is going to plan what.  If you want to collaborate on things or divide and conquer, do whatever works best for the two of you!
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    edited December 2011
    I'm getting married in about 3 weeks and if I could do it over again I'd do it completely differently.  I would have done something smaller (mind you we only invited 100 people) and more us.  It is only one day.  I think you have to compromise w/your FI because like some of the girls said relationships are all about compromise.  I think it's very very easy to get caught up in the wedding hype when you first get engaged.  So and so had this I need this or this the the wedding standard that on TV everywhere and I have to have this.  Whatever you decide good luck!
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    image Ellie and Morgan
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    edited December 2011
    Oh ya and on the FI question, my FI could really care less what we do.  It's not that he's not involved he just is a guy and really doesn't care.  I've learned my lesson and stopped asking for his opinion a long time ago...now I just show him the final product :)
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    image Ellie and Morgan
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    smlinebesmlinebe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had my wedding at the Raleigh Rose Garden (at the Little Theatre).  It was $300 to rent the garden for 3 hours and it's really quite beautiful.  What do you think about something like that?
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    smlinebesmlinebe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh and I agree with PP....DH wasn't involved really...unless I said "I NEED you to help me with x".  He and I, however, were both against spending tons of money for one day...
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    edited December 2011
    I guess I'm the wrong person to comment on other places beside The Carolina Inn, because I had my reception there. SO I just wanted to say if you do decide to go with The Carolina Inn and have any questions or anything, let me know. I had an amazing experience with them and highly recommend them :)
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    edited December 2011
    i have to agree with pp....i am still 9 months away from my wedding and i really wish i wouldnt have jumped into alot of things that i did. i would take a small intimate beach wedding any day over what we have gotten into. i am still getting my beach wedding but along with it comes 60 guests.....and yes, FI and are paying for most of it. i have to play devils advocate here....most of our wedding is coming out of MY pocket. i do understand where FI is coming from....while i want this to be the most perfect day ever i would like to have it without going broke. we have already had to cancel any ideas on even taking a honeymoon. things just add up fast and it does get frustrating b/c sometimes i do look at it as "money could be better spent another way". i think its just something that is there and hard to put out of your head and is probably easier for me than your FI. when i see my dress, engagement pics, try on wedding bands, etc...i do forget "money better spent some other way".....but then when i go back to the budget and see that we already over i cant help but pull my hair out. i have never been married before but FI has, that has never played into our wedding or relationship at all....i wouldnt be marrying him if it had. i think you two just need to compromise and in the end you will be married and venue wont be so important anymore. (or if you are me venue wont be so important anymore 9 months before you even get married, lol)
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    1Michelle11Michelle1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi everybody!Thanks for all of the advice! I went home, ready to talk it out with my fiance, but as soon as I walked in the door, he said, "Let's do it at The Carolina Inn." I tried to tell him all of the things all of you said--how it was just one day, that money could go to other things, it didn't matter in the end b/c it's about me and him no matter where we are, I WANTED to compromise, I wanted him to be happy and comfortable, etc. I even showed him some other places that you guys suggested. He turned down everything, saying how much he loved Chapel Hill, we would always have those memories, basically everything I had said to talk him into it! And he said when it came down to it, he was either going to elope or marry me at The Carolina Inn, and there was no in between. He knows I won't just elope, so he's willing to do what I want. So I guess all of that stress was for nothing! I can't believe all of that silly drama. BUT just in case he's still wanting to change his mind, I've left the contract with him (I'm out of town now) so if he really wants to go through with it, he can fill it out and turn it in. And if he doesn't, I'll just find somewhere else! Sigh. Men.
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    edited December 2011
    Congratulations, and I hope it all works out for you.My FI hasn't been as interested in planning as I have and when it comes to ideas he can come up with some really great ones but he also wants to cut corners. There are some things that I really want that I have had to sit with him and say this is suppose to be my one and only time to do this and there are some things I don't want to compromise on while still staying within a small budget. There are also things that I have put him in charge of so he feels that he has an input too. I have been more concerned with the ceremony and he has been more concerned with the reception so it has been an okay balance for us. The honeymoon has been joint planning.Just find what works for you. There may be some things you want that you realize you don't really have to have and then some things that you do.Good luck! And have fun with it, don't get stressed out, enjoy the planning.[url=http://<a href="http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers" rel='nofollow'>www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers</a>][img]<a href="http://global.theknot.com/tools/tickers/tt3a9be.aspx" rel='nofollow'>http://global.theknot.com/tools/tickers/tt3a9be.aspx</a>[/img][/url]
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