Impossible (and divorced) parents

rosiez

I need some advice. I am getting married in Vegas in two months, March 27th. It is going to be an intimate, family-only ceremony followed by a couple days of fun in Vegas.

Here's the problem: my parents are divorced, hate each other, and are both extremely sensitive. I am trying to plan everything so that nobody feels uncomfortable or left out, but I feel like it is impossible to avoid, since everybody is already so tense about it! I decided to have a wedding in Vegas because it's cheap and that way, nobody will be stressed because of money (each parent is paying literally $600 now), that way everybody saves money and is happy. Right? Wrong. My dad decided to bring his girlfriend, who my sister refuses to meet. My mom is terrified of feeling awkward around the girlfriend and the new in-laws, and when she feels awkward, she gets mean. The in-laws have no idea that my family is crazy. It is impossible for my family to put away their issues, even when it's for my wedding.

Does anybody have any experience in a situation such as this? How do I make everybody happy? How do I divvy up my FH and I's time appropriately for each family member and still have fun the two of us? At the very least, how do I avoid letting all of this drama get to me on my wedding????

mollyehren

Is anyone open to being medicated? Maybe that will take the edge off of the drama.

rosiez

Ooh, GOOD idea. Maybe I'll just roofie them. Do they still count as a witness if they're unconscious?

rosiez

Yeah, eloping has definitely crossed my mind. I wish I hadn't blabbed that we're getting married already, because we're two months out and I'm starting to dread it. Which is not how you should feel for your wedding!

mollyehren

Not roofies silly, more like anti-anxiety medications

kmmssg

I agree with CMG that it might be a good idea to chat with the FIL's. If you have a good relationship with them they might just be an extra source of support.

Have they all purchased their tickets for Las Vegas?  If they haven't, it's not too late to just elope although I can see how your FIL's could be bummed about that.

Can you talk to your family and firmly let them know that you expect everyone to be on their best behavior and to put your first for a few hours?  Is there anyone in your immediate family who can help with this?

I wish you the best in your trip to Vegas and your new marriage.  You may need to decide to take the bull by the horn here and let them know if they can't play nice in the sandbox for a few hours then they can stay home. Please let us knowhow everything works out!

OliveOilsMom

Also, you can state to your family ahead of time that if they begin to act inappropriately in anyway, you will leave them, where ever they are.  Just be prepared to follow through.  And I would give your FILs a heads up on the basic situation with your parents.  You don't have to tell all the details, just let them know that your parents current behavior isn't a reflection on you!

Rosie109

IMPOSTER

mbody

Yeah, I would try talking to both your parents and sister before the trip. Hopefully they can set aside their differences and all act like civilized adults for a few days. Speaking with your FILs may not be a bad idea either so they have a little back ground if things with your family take a turn for the worse.

Good Luck and enjoy your trip!

AlmostMrsStrong

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_impossible-divorced-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c81018eb-f8e8-443c-a399-3aaa6ea02d10Post:816ae1e6-1af0-4498-802a-edac99ba32c4">Re: Impossible (and divorced) parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you want Dads GF there?  Its your wedding, you can tell him only family.  If she is his wife, you must invite her.  GF, not so clear.   You can tell him, he can bring GF to LV, but not to ceremoney.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, but even if she is just a girlfriend, they are considered a social unit. Either both are invited or neither are invited.</div>

jenniferb77

you could sit down with your folks and explain to them that it is your day, and it is important to you that they be there. in light of that, tell them that at a HINT of drama, you will not invite any of them.

as hard as it may be, you dont need that kind of thing, especially on your special day.

i have not invited my mother or my stepmother's sister in light of family tensions. they may feel hurt, but i am adamant about not having a drama filled day.