Wedding Etiquette Forum

Advice Please

When having a smaller wedding, how do you handle the situation of people who assume they are invited, but in actuality will not make the cut?  Our guest list is limited to no more than 80 people as that is the max capacity for our reception site.  Of that 80, the majority is family and the rest is a handful of very close friends.  So when someone who may not be getting an invite mentions the wedding and assumes that they would be invited, what do we say?  Even though the wedding is just over a year away we're already pretty certain on who will be invited.  I would like to handle the situation with as much tact as possible, but also with asertiveness since I am a notorious push over and most people know I can never say no. 

Re: Advice Please

  • Tell them that due to venue restrictions, your wedding is going to be a family affair.

    Do you think they'll find out about a few friends that are invited?  If not, I think a white lie is okay in this situation.
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  • Just tell them that you are having a very small wedding, and will only be inviting family. 

    Plus, it's wrong of them to even ask if they are invited, or even assume that they are. 
  • "Thanks for asking about the wedding. We are actually having a really small wedding of mostly family."



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    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • Some of the people who aren't invited would probably find out about the close friends that are invited.  I don't want to lie (I'm bad at it anyways).  I just want a *nice* way to say that although we care about them as friends, they aren't close enough to have them at the wedding.  LOL  Sounds really awful to say out loud. 
  • "I'm sorry, we just don't have the room to invite everybody we wanted. I hope we'll be able to get together for dinner after the wedding."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8174eea-4749-498d-9326-c1dcb153e4a6Post:04846c42-3031-4474-af25-a8def3175175">Re: Advice Please</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some of the people who aren't invited would probably find out about the close friends that are invited.  I don't want to lie (I'm bad at it anyways).  I just want a *nice* way to say that although we care about them as friends, they aren't close enough to have them at the wedding.  LOL  Sounds really awful to say out loud. 
    Posted by MrsCross2B[/QUOTE]

    Definitely stay away from terms like "not close enough" but keep "although we care about [you] as friends." Like pps have said, use the venue's restrictions as your reason so it feels less personal. And no one can argue having family first at a wedding. I think most people will get what "small wedding" means.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • Why do you feel the need to tell them that they aren't close enough to be invited to the wedding? That's just unnecessary and you'll be setting yourself up for more hurt feelings. Just tell them that you're planning a very small wedding and leave it at that.

    Have you encountered this yet or are you assuming that someone will ask? Most people know it's rude to ask if they are invited, so you might be pleasantly surprised.

  • cew- I would never actually say they aren't close enough, lol.  That's just the reality of the situation, but I would never actually say it.  I hate to hurt peoples feelings.  Noone has actually asked, yet, but I know a couple of people who will def mention it. 

    Preppy & Beatles- that's the perfect way to say it.  Thank you!!!!! 

    We've already hurt some feelings by planning to have an 'adults only' ceremony.  When this is all said and done I would like to have some people in our lives still speaking to us.  LOL! 
  • We had only 50some people invited to our wedding, and there were a lot of people who were pissed about it.  At the end of the day, we decided that it was more important to have a beautiful, less stressed wedding than piling in more people than we could afford, and skimping on things that were important to us.  I know that people have gotten into the habit of having enormous, everyone included weddings, but I don't think that makes them better than what we had.  You have to do what's right for you and screw everyone else!
  • Amoro- I think you are right on the mark!  I bet you were glad you did everything just the way you did!
  • We definitely were.  There was no way we could afford to have all the people who wanted to be there- read, not all the people WE wanted there- and it was beautiful.  We were able to have real conversations with our guests, had time to ourselves, and it was fun.  We did an after party at a nice local bar/club and it was perfect.  No one was forced to sit through awkward dances, it was classy and fun...

    Just keep to your guns MrsCross.  You'll be happier in the end.
  • When people ask, just say "Hey, thanks for asking about the wedding. That's so sweet of you. Yeah, we're very excited about it. It's going to be a very small wedding, but I really love that we're on your mind."
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