is this rude?

TheShadyYvonne

so my MOH/sister is planning my bridal shower...and is super amazing.. i have another bridesmaid who insited on planning my bachelorette party - which is totally fine.  because of her work schedule...were having it a month before the wedding( not my prefence of dates/days..but whatever).  i have sent her a list of the names, address, contact info for folks to attend that like she wanted.  the issue ( my MOH is also worried) is that she hasn't done anything with the list...and its been about a month.  since the bachelorette party is out of town...and since we all know how busy summer weekend can get...im not really sure what to do?  I'd at least like to let folks know to save the date - so they can plan to join us if they can.  I have some friends from out of state that would like to fly to join me...but i would just hate to wait until the last min for the BM to contact them letting them know the details ..if they can save on airfare - that'd be great since im super excited that they are willing to fly out here twice.

suggestions on what to do with out making it awkward?

whitsy

If your wedding date is right, and your bach party is around July 25th, you still have over a month before the bach party, so I'm guessing your BM just doesn't see the point in sending out any information so soon. Or there may be a lot to still work out, like how many people she can afford to host.

I would just try not to worry about it.

Are the invited going to have to fly for the bach party and the wedding?

Katelyn89

If your MOH is worried, let her talk to the BM in charge of planning the bachelorette or has she done this? You can't make someone plan the bachelorette and maybe she originally thought she could, but can't now. I would let your BMs and MOH deal with it because it's not like you should be planning it.

TheShadyYvonne

the wedding is 8/25 and the bach party is july 27th and 28th.  I'm assuming everyone is paying for themselves -expecially since its out of town ( i don't expect her to cover mine or anyone's costs for the weekend)...2 of my closest friends (who are also in the wedding) would like to fly for both the bach party and the wedding ;|

aragx6

I'd have your sister talk to the other BM -- she might need more help than she'd initially thought she would, but I agree that the timeline is getting almost tight.

lauralaur

I would leave it alone. It was very nice of her to offer you a party, and anything from you about getting things moving may come across as "you're not doing it right," though I know that's not your intention. (And if I was you, I'd be worrying about all of those same things too.) I don't know that I would want to spread the word about the party either in case something comes up and your bridesmaid is not able to host the party after all or in case it comes across as you hosting your own party.

We ran into a similar situation with my BIL for our joint party. We were each asked by our "sides" if you will what we wanted, we said we wanted a joint party, BIL got in touch with my bridesmaids and said he wanted to do all of the planning, they said fine, until it got to be a month before the wedding and nothing was planned. They ended up taking control of the planning and planned something he hated and at this point we just don't talk about our party ever because it was such a disaster all around. Though since I don't know your bridesmaid, she may not be phased by anything at all.

TheShadyYvonne

well..i think she feels like my MOH is stepping on her toes... i guess she wanted to make the shower invitations herself...and my MOH wanted to have some printed ( at her own costs)...that in itself was awkward

my MOH let me know today that she wanted to approach her...only because she feels the people from out of hte state that would like to fly here - probably need some general info sooner rather than later..but she feels as though she'll take it as stepping on her toes 

TheShadyYvonne

I'll leave it alone..and if my sister wants to talk to her - she can (as the two other bridesmaids would lke to know where they should fly to etc)

jmayinc

I would say maybe the MOH can kinda mention it. Not exactly tell her "what to do" or that she's "doing something wrong", but maybe mention in her shower planning that she was making sure she was giving out of state people time to plan then ask "how's your planning going?". Or possibly if she includes the BM in her planning she can then "help" with some of the bachelorette party planning without stepping on her toes so to say.

Ashleigh828

If you have 2 BM's that want to fly in for it, can't they talk to her and ask what the deal is? I don't think it would be "stepping on toes" for them to get in touch with her and say "We would really like to join and although the final details may not be made, we'd like to book our flights and just need to confirm location and dates." If it were me planning it, I wouldn't take offense to that. She may not be aware that they plan to join or maybe she feels that she has more time than she does. If I were you, I'd stay out of it but maybe advise the OOT BM's to make mention to her.

bertke10

I never brought it up to my BMs. Two weeks before the wedding my MOH asks what I want to do for my bachelorette party. There was a stressful week of attempting to plan and see if anyone would even be able to come on short notice before I gave up (none of my guests would be able to come).
I told her not to worry about it. My feelings were hurt, she felt like a jerk, and it just sucked all around. Not to mention some of my friends that were really excited about celebrating with me thought that they just didn't get invited to the party, and were sore with me over it.

If they expressed a desire to host a party, and you want a party, I'd at least see what I could do to make it happen. I don't think offering your help or support is rude if they need help getting the ball rolling.

ETA: I don't think it's out of line at all for your sister to offer to get the ball rolling on it, since it's typically the MOH's responsibility anyway. The BM might feel that she kind of stepped on toes and doesn't know what to do now.

mizutamababy

Honestly if there are already issues between MOH and BM planning the b-party as far as stepping toes go, I would just go to the BM and be like... Some of my OOT guests/friends heard there might be a b-party and would like to fly in and make accomodations to attend if you were planning on inviting them, but they need to know soon if it's necessary for them to make arrangements.  Here is their contact info.

I'm not sure if this is the E thing to do, but it seems like the easiest way to avoid heat between MOH and BM, still make the BM feel she is in control of the situation, and take the pressure off you without you having to get directly involved or look like a bridezilla planning her own party.  It also gives BM the opportunity to tell you she has to reneg on her b-party planning offer due to ______ if that is indeed what is holding things up.