Wedding Etiquette Forum

Who gets a plus one??

I have 3 girlfriends from my old job that I still talk to and hang out with. I want them be at my wedding but must I invite there husbands and boyfriends? Our guest list is already at our max. Can I just invite them or is this tacky?? Same for my Fiance he has some work friends that are acually insisting on coming and keep mentioning it. He would like some of them there but not everyone and must we invite all their spouses too?

Re: Who gets a plus one??

  • You have to invite anyone who is in a relationship with their significant other.  So yes, you would have to invite their spouses, fiances, boyfriends, whatever.
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  • yes, you have to invite all spouses / bfs / gfs; and you should do it by name (not "and guest")

    You do NOT, however, have to invite all his coworkers just because they keep mentioning it.  If you're maxed out your FI needs to tell them "Unfortunately we couldn't invite everyone we'd like, so we're keeping it pretty much to family"
  • While I understand how you feel (having strangers at your wedding), PPs are right. How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding with your FI? I'd be mad. You've got to invite anyone in any kind of relationship--no matter the length. Six weeks or six years--they have to be invited. And find out their name--don't just put "and guest" on the envelope. That, too, would be insulting.
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  • Agree with pp's - you have to invite them both or neither of them.

    You could always decline to invite any of them - unfortunately if you're at your max, there isn't anything you can do.
  • husbands and boyfriends are not plus ones.

    You need to invite all social units together.  

    Wouldn't you think it was rude if someone invited your fiance to a wedding but not you?
  • You definitely should invite the spouses. You definitely don't have to invite anyone just because they are insisting on it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gets-plus-one-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8921320-0e56-47e5-aadd-f9a43d3a64f6Post:d457041d-b2ec-469e-8085-af3097a2905f">Re: Who gets a plus one??</a>:
    [QUOTE]husbands and boyfriends are not plus ones. You need to invite all social units together.   <strong>Wouldn't you think it was rude if someone invited your fiance to a wedding but not you?
    </strong>Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE] if I was married or in an well-known, long-term relationship (or cohabiting), yes. But if I was only dating my boyfriend for a year or less and it was a coworker who didn't even know I was taken, then no, I wouldn't mind. I think you have to ask yourself what's possibly worse - them maybe feeling dissapointed that they weren't invited (which you can always do damage control and tell them that you couldn't invite everyone you wanted to if they ask) or them maybe feeling possibly hurt that they couldn't have their significant others. I personally just don't feel that a boyfriend of a few months should be treated the same as a long-term relationship or a hubby...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gets-plus-one-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8921320-0e56-47e5-aadd-f9a43d3a64f6Post:4012f561-d1c9-4b98-a8e4-f87f6e29f7cd">Re: Who gets a plus one??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who gets a plus one?? : if I was married or in an well-known, long-term relationship (or cohabiting), yes. But if I was only dating my boyfriend for a year or less and it was a coworker who didn't even know I was taken, then no, I wouldn't mind. I think you have to ask yourself what's possibly worse - them maybe feeling dissapointed that they weren't invited (which you can always do damage control and tell them that you couldn't invite everyone you wanted to if they ask) or them maybe feeling possibly hurt that they couldn't have their significant others. I personally just don't feel that a boyfriend of a few months should be treated the same as a long-term relationship or a hubby...
    Posted by misstomrstodr[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>But you don't get to judge how serious a relationship is. The length of a relationship is not an accurate indication of how serious it is. 

    </div>
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  • ^Also, What does "a few months" mean? After 6 months it becomes an official relationship, worthy of joint invitations? When does it become "long term?" It just sounds so judgy. Like, "Well, I've been with my boyfriend for 12 months, so clearly we're more serious than your boyfriend of only 8 months!"
    And, my personal favorite, "You haven't been together for more than a year? Sorry, your boyfriend of 11 months didn't make the long-term cut-off." Like, seriously? Dammit, if only we had met 30 days sooner!
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  • edited December 2011
    Lol well I guess you have to know the people you are inviting. I have a small wedding guest list so it's easy for me to know who is in a serious relationship and who isn't. For instance, my cousin, who has been married 4 times and has a new boyfriend every 6 months.... she isn't getting a plus one. My good friend who is madly and deeply in love with her boyfriend ends up breaking up with him and finding a new guy in 6-8 month cycles. The guys are often schmucks too (an "Everyone knows but her" type of thing). These people are not getting dates, they haven't gotten dates to other friends/family weddings... so it's not that big of a deal. But if you're serious and this is "it", well of course the SO would be invited. I think everyone from early on knew that my guy and I were it from 6 months forward and we were invited to weddings accordingly that way. But if we weren't dating that long and someone had a small guest list, I wouldn't be upset if he wasn't invited. It's just practical... but you have to look at the people you are inviting and make that call. A lot of people do.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gets-plus-one-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8921320-0e56-47e5-aadd-f9a43d3a64f6Post:4012f561-d1c9-4b98-a8e4-f87f6e29f7cd">Re: Who gets a plus one??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who gets a plus one?? : if I was married or in an well-known, long-term relationship (or cohabiting), yes. But if I was only dating my boyfriend for a year or less and it was a coworker who didn't even know I was taken, then no, I wouldn't mind. I think you have to ask yourself what's possibly worse - them maybe feeling dissapointed that they weren't invited (which you can always do damage control and tell them that you couldn't invite everyone you wanted to if they ask) or them maybe feeling possibly hurt that they couldn't have their significant others. I personally just don't feel that a boyfriend of a few months should be treated the same as a long-term relationship or a hubby...
    Posted by misstomrstodr[/QUOTE]

    Well, my parents were married within three months of meeting each other.

    You can't judge the seriousness of other people's relationships.

    You aren't following etiquette with your invite list.  That doesn't mean  you should post your "advice" on an etiquette board.  People are looking for advice on proper etiquette, not your opinions.
  • Thanks for the admonishment, MyUserName1. Not completely necessary... but thanks anyway!
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  • misstomrstodr, 

    The vast majority of people get offended when their bf/gf isn't invited. Etiquette (in part) is about not offending people. So your 'opinion' while it adds to the discussion, isn't good advice. So you just need to understand that the advice on these boards is about the proper thing to do.

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  • edited December 2011
    For our wedding, we invited plus NAME. If we didn't have a name, there was no guest included (e.g., no Jane Smith and guest). However, I've been invited to weddings where they only invited "serious" couples and once where they only invited if you were married or engaged. To each their own. I think, if someone is married or in a serious/long term relationship, you need to invite the SO. If it's a new relationship, then maybe you can get away with not doing it, but be prepared for them to ask you if they can bring a date. If your list is really maxed out, relook at it and see if you really need all those people.
    ETA: This isn't necessarily the "proper" thing to do, though. I would reiterate my last sentence - look at and reevaluate your list.
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  • How is this even a question? It's common sense. Would you be annoyed if your husband got invited to a wedding and you were specifically not invited? WTF
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gets-plus-one-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8921320-0e56-47e5-aadd-f9a43d3a64f6Post:0e1b08ed-76e6-441b-a73e-bae6eef42e5d">Re: Who gets a plus one??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lol well I guess you have to know the people you are inviting. I have a small wedding guest list so it's easy for me to know who is in a serious relationship and who isn't. For instance, my cousin, who has been married 4 times and has a new boyfriend every 6 months.... she isn't getting a plus one. My good friend who is madly and deeply in love with her boyfriend ends up breaking up with him and finding a new guy in 6-8 month cycles. The guys are often schmucks too (an "Everyone knows but her" type of thing). These people are not getting dates, they haven't gotten dates to other friends/family weddings... so it's not that big of a deal. But if you're serious and this is "it", well of course the SO would be invited. I think everyone from early on knew that my guy and I were it from 6 months forward and we were invited to weddings accordingly that way. But if we weren't dating that long and someone had a small guest list, I wouldn't be upset if he wasn't invited. It's just practical... but you have to look at the people you are inviting and make that call. A lot of people do.
    Posted by misstomrstodr[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>So basically, you are using your wedding as your opportunity to pass judgment on other people's relationships.</div><div>
    </div><div>Classy.

    </div>
  • misstomrstodr :

    This one time, I had been dating my BF for over a year. So, by your "definition" we were in a serious relationship. We became engaged a month before a family member's wedding, after the invitations had already been sent.

    He still wasn't invited because "they didn't have enough room". The bride is still talked about how she was rude to several of the family including myself. She also invited some people to her shower and not the wedding.

    Trust me, you don't want that for yourself. It's not worth it.

    Do you have any idea how much that hurts? To feel your relationship deemed not worthy by someone else? As others have already said, it's not your place to judge other couples and their relationships. If they're in one, invite them. If they're not in one AT ALL, don't. If they're as "not serious" as you deem them to be, then they probably won't come by their own choice.
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