mom adding to the guest list

caterpillar85

I had originally wanted around 150 ppl for our guest list... but after my mom would say "oh honey, you HAVE to invite so-and-so, they will be crushed!" it ended up being about 200. I know the percent of people that won't show will help this number, but my mom keeps adding! I'm going to send STDs in a couple weeks so I want my GL 100% finalized by then.

Lately people have been popping back into my mom's life. An old friend that babysat me when I was 3 moved back here and got in touch with my mom. My mom was gloating and raving about my wedding, and invited her. Then when I was at my mom's boutique another old friend of my mom's came in to shop. My mom started in again, and said "September 29th, mark your calendars!! Save the date so you can come!" I had NO intention of inviting these people, but now we have to!

I told my mom to please stop because my FI and I cannot afford to have long lost acquaintances at my wedding and she was devastated, like I killed a puppy.

So my max GL number has been surpassed by a few. It sucks because I might have to cut some people and I don't know who. Hopefully my mom understands my predicament and stops with the verbal invites.

Any suggestions on how to cut a guest list if I have to? Like a "if you haven't spoken to this person in x years" guide? I am afraid to over-invite and not have enough room.

AMYM312

If Mom is not contributing financially then she should not be inviting anyone. You need to put your foot down and tell her no. Just don't send invites to these people and she needs to be the one apologizing to them for taking it upon herself to invite these people.

TheNick

I agree with the first post. Maybe you and your FI could sit down with her and let her know that this is enough. Maybe having the FI there could help a bit.
Good Luck!

Hilraythebride

It sounds like she isn't helping with the wedding costs?  If she isn't I would just flat out tell her mom, I would love to invite all these people but we really can't afford to it will put us way over budget. If you can and are willing to pay for these people you may invite them but otherwise I can't invite anymore!

mbody

If you and your FI are footing the bill, then I'd put your foot down. Just don't send them STDs or invites. I think long lost acquaintances shouldn't be invited. 

lilja032

As PPs have said if you are paying then you are not obligated to invite all these people your mom wants. If she has verbally invited a number of people then ideally you would invite them to the wedding and if you can just suck it up and do it. It'll save a lot of hassle. If not your mom needs to let them know-perhaps say "I'm really sorry I was a bit pre-emptive with inviting people before I had consulted caterpillar on the guestlist. They weren't able to accommodate everyone they'd like to and as much as they'd like you to share in their special day it just wasn't possible. I'm so sorry for the mistake." or something like that?

HockeyFan4

i also think you need to explain to mom what this does....

"Mom, I know you are excited, and if we could have everyone we would, but if I have to invite these people, I need to cut our own friends from the guestlist"

nlindsay17

I would only send STDs to the people you are sure you want to invite. Do not send one to these random people your mother keeps verbally inviting. If you have room and can afford to invite these people when it's time to send out the invitations then add them then. Best of luck!

caterpillar85

My parents are contributing a little. She bought my dress, the officiant fee, and will help with whatever decorations I need. For my sis's wedding a couple years ago, they put about $3k towards hers, so they said they would do the same for mine. So I feel like I need to oblige her a little. I asked FI's opinion and he just said "whatever you think babe." *facepalm*

I'll speak with her again. I agree that I won't send STDs to everybody, only "for sures" and OOT family. So I have a little more time to figure this conundrum out. (big word for a Sunday night!)

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-adding-to-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8cb1a04-756e-4096-a637-36c7e1dfad9fPost:628b1a68-a39e-449c-860d-f0ef325a8eee">Re: mom adding to the guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are contributing a little. She bought my dress, the officiant fee, and will help with whatever decorations I need. For my sis's wedding a couple years ago, they put about $3k towards hers, so they said they would do the same for mine. So I feel like I need to oblige her a little. I asked FI's opinion and he just said "whatever you think babe." *facepalm* I'll speak with her again. I agree that I won't send STDs to everybody, only "for sures" and OOT family. So I have a little more time to figure this conundrum out. (big word for a Sunday night!)
Posted by caterpillar85[/QUOTE]

Just tell her the limit of your venue and say that she put you over your limit when she invited those people verbally.  Then ask her (nicely) to please pick X number of those people that she'd be okay with not being there.

I know it's easy when you run into an old friend to want them there.  But honeslty, in a month, it will be like you never even saw them, so I don't get the mentality of inviting people you just run into.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-adding-to-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8cb1a04-756e-4096-a637-36c7e1dfad9fPost:628b1a68-a39e-449c-860d-f0ef325a8eee">Re: mom adding to the guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are contributing a little. <strong>She bought my dress, the officiant fee, and will help with whatever decorations I need.</strong> For my sis's wedding a couple years ago, they put about $3k towards hers, so they said they would do the same for mine. So I feel like I need to oblige her a little. I asked FI's opinion and he just said "whatever you think babe." *facepalm* I'll speak with her again. I agree that I won't send STDs to everybody, only "for sures" and OOT family. So I have a little more time to figure this conundrum out. (big word for a Sunday night!)
Posted by caterpillar85[/QUOTE]

Since she is not contributing towards pp costs at the reception, then you are perfectly fine to cut her list.  You mom is overstepping bounds by verbally inviting these people.  I wouldn't invite the random woman from her boutique or your former babysitter.  She is probably just really excited about your wedding and can't stop talking about it!

So sit her down and say "Mom, I know you are excited about our wedding, but you have to stop inviting people.  Unfortunetly, we are already over budget and will have to trim the people that you have verbally been inviting to the wedding.  I would much rather have my own friends at the wedding then my babysitter from when I was 3."

Your mom's money does come with strings, but since she helped pay for your dress, officiant fee, and decorations - then that is what she gets the say in.