This is a new one

SaraAndrew2010

So I've heard of people adding their uninvited children to the reply card or replacing a spouse/date with another person, but I'd never heard of someone substituting in another couple on the reply card.  Until now. 

Some background.  My mom had us invite her three cousins and their spouses, but we decided not to invite their grown children (late 20s, early 30s).  One of her cousins lives OOT and is in failing health, so we didn't really expect her and her husband to attend.  Well, today we got their reply card.  They checked "accept" and then wrote in "in lieu of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, Ms. Suzy Doe and Mr. Mike Smith will attend."  So they are apparently sending their daughter and her boyfriend in their place.

My mom wants to just let it slide and have the daughter and bf come, since she doesn't want to call up her sick cousin and uninvite the daughter.  I just find it very odd to RSVP with a substitute couple.  I'm not even sure why the daughter wants to come since she has not seen most of the relatives at the wedding since she was a child. 

Oh, well.  Just thought I would share an amusing/strange incident.  You never know what kinds of crazy things people will do!

salt78

It's weird, but what can you do. I think it's silly to invite anyone who you look at as probably not coming anyway. 

Kristin789

>>From what I read of the response from your mother's ill cousin I interpreted her replacement with her daughter and boyfriend as a way of designating them as representatives for her particular part of the family. 

In other words, it seems like she wanted to make sure that someone was present that linked directly back to her as a way of ensuring you and your mom knew that your wedding was important to them and that if they could be there they would but since they couldn't her daughter with bf would be there on their behalf. 

I have seen that done recently at a funeral where the dearly departed's sister could not come.  But she made sure her son and daughter-in-law were there to represent that part of the family.  I think it's meant to show you a high level of respect for your invitation to send substitutes.
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That exactly.  You've invited branches of your family tree to participate in this joining of two families, and this branch of the tree will be represented by the daughter and her boyfriend.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-new-one-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c904f40e-cfc3-43f3-b800-436feec6aadfPost:87fff807-1947-4010-bc65-d73f80f8612f">Re: This is a new one</a>:
[QUOTE] />>From what I read of the response from your mother's ill cousin I interpreted her replacement with her daughter and boyfriend as a way of designating them as representatives for her particular part of the family.  In other words, it seems like she wanted to make sure that someone was present that linked directly back to her as a way of ensuring you and your mom knew that your wedding was important to them and that if they could be there they would but since they couldn't her daughter with bf would be there on their behalf.  I have seen that done recently at a funeral where the dearly departed's sister could not come.  But she made sure her son and daughter-in-law were there to represent that part of the family.  I think it's meant to show you a high level of respect for your invitation to send substitutes. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That exactly.  You've invited branches of your family tree to participate in this joining of two families, and this branch of the tree will be represented by the daughter and her boyfriend.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I actually kind of agree (I know, Kristin, it's a first!).  I wouldn't take it as somebody just trying to get a free meal - I think it's that she really wanted to be there for you and can't, so she's sending her daughter in her place to fill that role.  I understand how it's easy to see from a lot of different angles, but I'd give this one the benefit of the doubt.

ootmother2

Kristin, that's a crock.

The invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones ONLY,not their daughter and her boyfriend..

There is no "lin lieu" for invitations.


OP, I would make the phone call to the aunt & uncle.

SaraAndrew2010

Although I can understand the sentiment of wanting to send a family presence to the wedding, I don't really agree with the idea that wedding invitations are transferable to a family "representative."  However, I'm going to let it slide since my mom doesn't want to argue with her sick cousin, we have the space, and there aren't other cousins kids who are likely to be offended.

I just find it amusing. And it serves me right because I've secretly been gloating to myself that almost all of our reply cards are in and we haven't had anyone RSVP with their kids or an uninvited date.  I should have known that we wouldn't get through the wedding without at least one reply card snafu.

squirrly

Oh, I'm not saying it's appropriate for them to have done.  Just that I suspect she means well by having done so, and thus, handle with care.  If you tell her that you can't invite all the other cousins on that branch of the family tree, but you so appreciate that they wanted to attend, that's probably the softest way to tell her.