Is tax day a no-go?

good2Bqueen13

I'm not sure I'm posting in the proper place, but I think this falls more under etiquette than any other category.  Perhaps a moderator could move it if there's a better location (thanks in advance!).

My FI chose April 13, 2013 as our wedding day because it was the day he asked me to marry him in 2012.  We have not made any deposits yet, so the date is fairly flexible, though also sentimental to him.  I have no personal preference because I would have chosen a winter date.

A few weeks ago his step-father called him to ask if he would consider changing the date to the following weekend.  His concern is that because it is the weekend before tax day, that it will be inconvenient for our guests, particularly himself (as he and future MIL will have to travel). 

I really have no problem with the change, but FI is totally against it.  His mother has only been married to him for a few years.  When they married, he made her sign a pre-nup stating that anything to do with her children or grandchildren, she would have to pay for (like going out to eat, Christmas gifts, etc.)  So the trip will be on her dime.  And we both know his step-dad is uber-prepared for EVERYTHING, so his taxes will surely be done looooong before April 13.  Above all of this, my FI simply doesn't like the guy.

I understand my FI's reluctance, but if other guests (who are also traveling) will likely not attend because of an inconvenient date, I think we should change it.  Any thoughts?

DramaGeek

Tax day is the same damn day every year.  If people can't plan ahead for a wedding during that time, they've got problems with planning, period.  The only way I'd consider moving it is if you have VIPs for whom tax season is a huge deal - you know, like accountants.

good2Bqueen13

He is a retired stock broker, but owns/runs a small non-profit museum.  Thank you for thinking of that.  We have no accountants invited, VIP or otherwise.  One VIP owns his own business and another is a doctor, either of whom I thought may have taken issue with the date.  Both have agreed that tax day will not be a problem for them.

Avion22

Most people get their taxes din e WAY before "tax day." If the day is meaningful to you, then keep it. If he's not paying for the wedding, then he gets no say. Just make sure your FMIL is okay with the 13th.

Kristin789

The date is not a problem, and your FI should have quickly said, "No, Good2Bqueen's parents are hosting the wedding, and they have made all the arrangements for that date."

yoshijo

Agreed, don't change the date, that's a bit ridiculous

AdeleDazeem

This is strange.  Unless he's an accountant (which you've said he is not), then I have no idea why this would even be a problem.

Summer2011Bride

Yeah weird. I wouldn't even think to myself "Oh their wedding is right before tax day." Honestly that wouldn't cross my mind. The vast majority of people file their taxes way before April 15. And if some guests normally WOULD wait until that last weekend, well they know far in advance they have a wedding, so they should be able to plan ahead this time.

hoffse

Agree with PP - the only people I would be cautious about are VIP accountants, and even then the accountants who do mostly corporate/partnership work instead of individual work.  Filing taxes for most people takes less than a couple of hours when you just sit down and do it.

If the museum is a non-profit he doesn't own it because it will probably be classified as a corporation. He may run it.  But odds are, he will have an accountant do the taxes for that because non-profit entitites have to do careful accounting of their income and expenditures to keep their status.

The small business owner is probably the one who is going to be most affected by it, because if he is a sole proprieter he may have to file a bunch of schedules to just do it himself.  Again, though - most business owners hire accountants to do it because that's their entire job.  Same goes for the doctor.

We are getting married the weekend before you and have one accountant invited.  She told me that she and her family are taking a week-long vacation the week before and will be rolling into our wedding from the beach.  So apparently, getting married a couple weeks before tax day is not going to be an issue for her, even though she's an accountant and has business owners as clients.

In general, most individual people I know file their taxes in Jan or Feb because frankly it makes a lot more sense for the money to be in your pocket (if you're getting a refund) than for the money to be in the gov's.  One of the reason the tax system works like it does is so the gov can earn interest on taxes that have been taken from payrolls, etc. before a person can claim an exemption or deduction and get that money back.  The gov earns a LOT of interest on pre-refund tax revenue (and it allows the gov's debt to grow by borrowing against it), and so I and most people I know who anticipate a refund get it back as soon as possible so that the interest can be in our pockets' instead of the gov's.

freebread03

He sounds like a nut--I feel bad for his mother with a prenup like that. Don't change the date if it works for you. He's just being ridiculous.

cwaggoner07

I'm a CPA in public practice, so I understand for that small sliver of the population, but in this case it looks like he's just trying to be difficult. 

Just tell him that if he's that worried, he can file an extension.

lcatterton

I'd love that your wedding is at tax time versus in the summer/fall/winter. I'd use my tax money to travel to your wedding.

RamonaFlowers

Accountants who actually might have to work aside (Which you said you have none on your guest list anyway): Um, just because April 15th is the LAST day to file your taxes, doesn't mean it's the ONLY day to file them.

And honestly? I don't feel sorry for anybody who gets stuck because they wait until the last minute to do it.

OliveOilsMom

You have already said there are no accountants in your family.  The only other group I could think of that might be crazy would be attorneys who work in Trusts and Estates (I work at a law firm and they are crazy every year!). But again, this is probably a small group of people it anyone.  I think FSFIL is a bit crazy.  I don't even see why there would be potential travel problems.  It's not like the IRS requires everyone to hand in their taxes in person in DC.

Also because the 14th falls on a Sunday, it will be extended until Monday.  So even if you have a guest who likes to wait for the last minute. They will have a whole day in between your wedding and when taxes need to be filed.

gundy21

We got married on April 16 - we told everyone to pay your taxes, then come to the wedding. 

rachelm13

My wedding is the same day and we have 2 accountants that are invited and are fairly important to FI.  He asked them if it was going to be a big deal, we wouldn't have changed the date per se, but, they have NO problem coming to the wedding...

Sounds like your FSFIL is just being a PITA.

Meegles4

We were married on April 14. My husband is an accountant (though doesn't work in tax accounting or auditing anymore). He didn't think twice about the day. His sister did give us some grief because she is a corporate tax accountant and even though one might assume that taxes have to be done before tax day, many companies have extensions on that which keeps SIL busy up through and after tax day.

Regardless of that, she didn't ask us to move the day. And no one else even mentioned it as an issue and we had several accountants in attendance.

Honestly, unless someone is an auditor or works directly in taxation, then it's not going to affect them. Andplusalso, I wouldn't plan your wedding around your GUEST'S availability. That's a headache waiting to happen for any number of reasons not related to tax day. Plan your wedding around you and your FI's schedules, and perhaps take immediate family's schedules into consideration.

Your FSFIL is overreacting.

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:e28d4225-ca5c-434c-aac6-2b4acf71e354">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]The date is not a problem, and your FI should have quickly said, "No, Good2Bqueen's parents are hosting the wedding, and they have made all the arrangements for that date."
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

It doesn't look like OP stated who is hosting and making all of the arrangements.  Do you have some insider knowledge about her situation?

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:9c0e42f4-9022-46b1-bee8-9384df5eb6e5">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is tax day a no-go? : It doesn't look like OP stated who is hosting and making all of the arrangements.  Do you have some insider knowledge about her situation?
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

<div>Perhaps not, but it's easier to say "this has already been arranged for" than "Oh, I guess we can accomodate you."</div>

good2Bqueen13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:9c0e42f4-9022-46b1-bee8-9384df5eb6e5">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is tax day a no-go? : It doesn't look like OP stated who is hosting and making all of the arrangements.  Do you have some insider knowledge about her situation?
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

Who's paying?  Ahhhh, haha.  Well that's another can of worms I plan to open in a different post.  FI's dad is paying for the rehearsal dinner. My parents (mom and step-dad) are paying for the ceremony.  FI is paying for the reception.  So saying my parents are paying wouldn't be a complete lie.

When I mentioned the can of worms, it is because I know my biological father will want to "chip in", but I'm not entirely comfortable accepting money from him . . . but that's for another post.

LesPaul

Unless your entire family or WP are CPAs in public tax practice, this is a non-event.  I agree with Waggoner - I worked for 9 years for a Big-4 firm, and honestly by the final weekend we had either filed or extended all our clients and were not in the office 16 hours a day anymore.  A Monday April 15 deadline isn't a big deal for a Saturday April 13 wedding. 

You are overthinking the importance of the tax deadline.

Peledreamsofrain

Tell the rude man that you can't change the date because you have deposits down already. It's none of his business, but honestly i've found some people need to be lied to because they are too nosey and presumptuous for the truth.

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:ce57bfb6-65b3-4cd6-bf45-6a8a3ff5fb02">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is tax day a no-go? : Who's paying?  Ahhhh, haha.  Well that's another can of worms I plan to open in a different post.  FI's dad is paying for the rehearsal dinner. My parents (mom and step-dad) are paying for the ceremony.  FI is paying for the reception.  So saying my parents are paying wouldn't be a complete lie. When I mentioned the can of worms, it is because I know my biological father will want to "chip in", but I'm not entirely comfortable accepting money from him . . . but that's for another post.
Posted by good2Bqueen13[/QUOTE]

Kristin always assumes that the bride's parents pay for and host the wedding and her "advice" is always based on that assumption, even if it isn't correct in a given situation, rendering her advice completely irrelevant.

I wouldn't even consider changing the date for his step-dad unless it really will be impossible for him to get his taxes done before your wedding.  We got grief from my husband's family for considering having our wedding on the same day as a NASCAR race, and then for getting married during hunting season, but Tax Day is a new one!  As others have said, people know when their taxes are due every year and they can plan accordingly.  If this really is such a big deal, you can send out save-the-dates a few months in advance.

AlexaNP

I agree with everyone else.  Don't change the date.  I am a CPA and I would be able to make it to an out-of-town wedding that day.  In my experience, most of the people who wait that long to file their taxes are just being lazy and don't want to get their information together (every once in a while someone has a legitimate reason for waiting until the last minute but it's rare). 

If people would care enough to complain about not being able to attend your wedding that day, they should also care enough to try to get their tax-related things done ahead of time since they have at least 2 months prior to that to do so!

cwaggoner07

It's also worth noting the past 2 years the 15th has been a District of Columbia holiday that can push the tax deadline to the 17th or even 18th. They haven't announced it for 2013, but it's a total possibility.
Just thought I'd point it out that it could even be pushed to that Tuesday.

loca4pook

I wouldn't change it...I don't think tax day is THAT important to people.....like others said, they can plan ahead as they clearly know the date months in advance.



oh, and what kinda jerks makes a pre-nup that says something like that...how alienating is THAT ??

MyNameIsNot

I agree that he's just being difficult and that you should tell him too bad.  Or you know, sorry, but this is the date that works for us.  If you can't make it, you'll be missed.

I have to say, though, I think it is really messed up that your FMIL told your FI about her pre-nup with her husband.  A parent shouldn't be sharing the details of a pre-nup with their child anyway, but with these contents, it sounds like she told him just to inflame your FI or play passive-aggressive to get him to visit her more.  I wouldn't feel sorry for her over the situation, or even let it shape my opinion of the husband.  She didn't have to sign it if she didn't like it.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:43b77d8a-ca93-4f80-a800-db7d85c21158">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think most high net worth taxpayers, file and extension, pay estimate of tax, and do not file return till later.  I think April 15 is only a problem for accountants in public practice who work in tax part of practice. T
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>Sigh. </div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:9c0e42f4-9022-46b1-bee8-9384df5eb6e5">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is tax day a no-go? : It doesn't look like OP stated who is hosting and making all of the arrangements.  Do you have some insider knowledge about her situation?
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, Kristin just pretends like this is still the 50s and the bride's parents host the wedding 100% of the time.

</div>

good2Bqueen13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-tax-day-a-no-go?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c909225a-7766-4aa3-8982-86e6615a5fa0Post:ce24d93b-e63d-4f8a-9cc1-17ee3e9e399d">Re: Is tax day a no-go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Myname - not certain what you mean by FMIL didnt have to sign prenup.  If she didnt, FSFIL might not want to get married.  That being said, FMIL has every right to share whatever she wants with her son.  The point to me is that FFIL made it clear HE wont be helping pay for wedding, which to me means he doent get say in when wedding in.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is what I was getting at.  He has nothing vested in this wedding.  FI joked that he was being quite forward to assume he was even invited! 

As I mentioned before, I don't really care either way.  I only brought it up on this forum because if it really would be an issue, I wanted to be able to discuss that with my FI.  It just makes me sad for his mom that he is willing to put that stress on her just because he doesn't like his step-father.  Because honestly, there is no other reason for not changing the date.  In fact, before he asked, FI was considering the following weekend anyway.

As for FI knowing about the pre-nup . . . it was never mentioned to him by his mother.  His sister told him about it (which I think she had no business doing).  She knew about it because she actually asked her mother to see the pre-nup.  His mom is a very gentle, extremely sheltered woman with very little self-confidence.  She would never do anything for spite.  She didn't marry this man for his money so it meant nothing to her to sign something saying she would be solely responsible for any expenses derived from her own family.

Jen4948

Well, I've worked as a tax accountant and had to get special permission to take off from work to attend my brother's wedding, which was on March 14, the day before corporate returns or extensions are due.  But my bosses were gracious and allowed me to take the necessary time off to attend the wedding (it involved long-distance travel, plus I was a bridesmaid).

I don't think that you need to consider tax season off limits, unless you or your fiance and a large proportion of your guests are tax accountants, in which case it would make sense.  But it's quite possible that any tax accountants among your guests may RSVP no.  Since it doesn't seem that you're in this situation, I'd tell your stepfather that you're not changing the date of your wedding.