Wedding Etiquette Forum

AE Post: Need Some Advice

I am posting under an AE because I don't want my sister to see this post.

CN: My sister her and flaky boyfriend have broken up again, because he (again) can't offer her a real commitment. I think he's going to beg for her to take him back in a few months (it's happened before), even though he's told her time and time again he can't offer her a long-term commitment. I've tried in the past to accept him. Should I do so again?

So, my sister and her boyfriend broke up recently. They have been off and on for about 5 years, but started to get really serious just over a year ago. She is living about two hours away from him right now to go to grad school. They had the "What are we going to be post-grad school?" conversation, and he told her that he could not see himself ever marrying her, so they broke it off.

Now, I have never been the biggest fan of this guy. He's... unfocused. 29, moved out of his parent's house just a couple years ago, graduated from college after 6 years, dead end job, etc. And it was always very clear to me that my sister cared for him more than he cared for her. But, after they got serious, I told her that I would do my best to make him feel accepted in our family and give him the benefit of the doubt. And I did.

I'm worried that after a few months, he will beg to have her back. He's done this twice before. He can't get serious so they break up, and then he realizes that he wants her back, and she takes him back. He promises to get serious, and then doesn't.

IF they get back together, which wouldn't surprise me ... should I try - once again - to accept this guy? He's made it clear that he can't commit and offer lots of false promises, and I know that in the end it will end badly. I don't think he a bad person -- I just think he's selfish, and would rather be with my sister in the short term, even though he knows she wants a long term commitment that he can't give.

So, would you give him a second (third? fourth?) chance?

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