MoH Drama

Eveanyn

I got engaged last April. My fiance went on orders with the military for four months at the end of last April, so we decided it would be best for me to live with my best friend (my MoH) and one of my other friends.

This other friend turns out to be a pathological liar and a drama queen. She turns my MoH and me against each other by saying things that the other one of us "said" about the other. Being dumb, we listened to her for a while. We got in a fight about it and discvoered things weren't as they seemed.

Then she stops talking to me for no reason. I have no idea why. I let it go on for about a week before I talk to her about it. We get in a bigger fight and our third roommate joins in, blaming me for all these things I haven't done. My MoH agreed with her and said, "I don't even feel like we're friends anymore." I couldn't deal with everything they were accusing me of, so I moved out. My fiance and I got a great townhouse across town from them, and we're extremely happy here.

Yesterday while I was at work I got a phone call from my MoH saying we needed to talk about rent for my old place. I didn't get out of work until really late, so I didn't call her back last night. This morning while I'm in the shower I get a text from the other roommate telling me that they were going to take me to court because I had stolen money from them by charging too much for utilities (I took care of the rent check). I can't believe that she would accuse me of that! So today I went to the leasing office and got records of everything from them showing how much money I paid them each month and how much money we owed them. But I can't believe that my MoH would condone the other roommate threatening to take me to court!

I feel horrible. Should I just take her out of the wedding party? She's my maid of honor!! I can't believe that my best friend would do this to me.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca43cc94-b8df-4c85-843c-809ec25cffd6Post:0090a977-182e-40f6-b9ba-3fa364a656b8">MoH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged last April. My fiance went on orders with the military for four months at the end of last April, so we decided it would be best for me to live with my best friend (my MoH) and one of my other friends. This other friend turns out to be a pathological liar and a drama queen. She turns my MoH and me against each other by saying things that the other one of us "said" about the other. Being dumb, we listened to her for a while. We got in a fight about it and discvoered things weren't as they seemed. Then she stops talking to me for no reason. I have no idea why. I let it go on for about a week before I talk to her about it. We get in a bigger fight and our third roommate joins in, blaming me for all these things I haven't done. My MoH agreed with her and said, "I don't even feel like we're friends anymore." I couldn't deal with everything they were accusing me of, so I moved out. My fiance and I got a great townhouse across town from them, and we're extremely happy here. Yesterday while I was at work I got a phone call from my MoH saying we needed to talk about rent for my old place. I didn't get out of work until really late, so I didn't call her back last night. This morning while I'm in the shower I get a text from the other roommate telling me that they were going to take me to court because I had stolen money from them by charging too much for utilities (I took care of the rent check). I can't believe that she would accuse me of that! So today I went to the leasing office and got records of everything from them showing how much money I paid them each month and how much money we owed them. But I can't believe that my MoH would condone the other roommate threatening to take me to court! I feel horrible. Should I just take her out of the wedding party? She's my maid of honor!! I can't believe that my best friend would do this to me.
Posted by Eveanyn[/QUOTE]

JIC.

georgia_bride09

Maybe stop thinking about your wedding for two seconds and deal with the actual situation at hand...

alixzafiris

Honestly, I'm not one to condone "firing" people from bridal parties, but this chick sounds like a complete psycho who would do everything in her power to make life difficult for you.

Out of curiosity, when's the wedding?

danieliza1127

I'm sorry but it sounds like she's NOT your MOH anymore.  You aren't even friends anymore.  You need to decide if her friendship is worth fighting for, regardless of your wedding or any role she may play in it.  If you do think it's worth fighting for, you need to call her and ask to get together with just HER.  Then you need to lay it all out and talk this through.  It sounds like she's chosen this other girl though and you may not be able to combat that. 

When is your wedding?

britne28

Ususally the answer would be no but in this case remove her from the wedding. 

Salt:  What does JIC mean?  I've seen it a few times. now.

Stackeye210

I think she took herself out of the MOH role.  I'm so sorry.  It's really awful when you lose friends.  I lost a friend over a living situation and I still miss her sometimes, but things can't be unsaid.  It sounds like it's best to cut your losses, accept it and move on.    She probably will never realize what she has done wrong until her and roommate #3 get into some sort of fight.  But don't hold your breath

ac_in_dc

I think you should make arrangements to go to lunch or dinner alone with your MoH, tell her honestly how you feel about your relationship, and see if it's possible to patch up the friendship. Focus on the friendship first, and the wedding role second.

Try to keep the third girl out of it as much as possible...if MoH brings her up, explain that you're not interested in a relationship with her, just the MOH.

It's typically very bad etiquette to kick someone out of a wedding party, but you may have no choice if she doesn't want to be friends any more. Make an effort to patch things up first, though.

MeaghanandMichael

Have you even talked to your MoH yet? Does she know the other girl threatened you? This is probably not as bad as it seems.

NuggetBrain

Wow.  This is one of those times that asking a bridal party member to step down might be the best.  Check first to see if your MoH is actually planning on being a co-plaintiff for this stupid lawsuit.  From the history, it's possible the other chick is lying to you (again) about this and your MoH has no idea that she's threatening to take you to court or accusing you of stealing from them.  However, if she is in fact in on this and is accusing you, I would show her the paperwork (make sure to make copies so they don't "lose" the only ones you have) and see what her response it.  If she accepts the truth, I would also let her know that this broad is coming between you (remind her of the fight where you realized the roommate was a liar and BSC).  But if she's not willing to make a break from Nutso and/or continues to accuse you of stealing from her, you need to break off the relationship.

AmoroAgain

Yeah, I'm amazed at all the references to MOH and wedding when... this has nothing to do... at all.... with your wedding.

And honestly, it kind of sounds like she doesn't even want to be your friend anymore, so why would she thinks she's still the MOH?

smokeybailey

Her wedding is in August.

janedoe1113a

I agree that you need to stop thinking about your wedding at this point. 

mandybear7

Since she accused you of stealing money, I doubt she even wants to be your MOH. I don't think you need to have a conversation about it- just deal with your legal situation. She is clearly not your "best friend."

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca43cc94-b8df-4c85-843c-809ec25cffd6Post:0090a977-182e-40f6-b9ba-3fa364a656b8">MoH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]She turns my MoH and me against each other by saying things that the other one of us "said" about the other. Being dumb, we listened to her for a while. We got in a fight about it and discvoered things weren't as they seemed.

 She's my maid of honor!! I can't believe that my best friend would do this to me.
Posted by Eveanyn[/QUOTE]
How do you know this other roommate is even telling the truth?  You've said yourself she was always trying to pit you and your MOH against each other.  It sounds to me like it's still working.  Stop taking this third person's word as gospel and call your MOH.

baystateapple

Rooming with two other people never works out.  Two people always gang up on a third.  I don't know why.

That being said, I agree that you should try to talk with your MOH, leaving the wedding plans out of it.  If she doesn't want to talk to you, then the whole idea of having to "fire' her as MOH is a moot point.

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca43cc94-b8df-4c85-843c-809ec25cffd6Post:66ec656d-2a78-4497-ad7a-ba94784a855c">Re: MoH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe stop thinking about your wedding for two seconds and deal with the actual situation at hand...
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Yes.  At this point you need to make sure that the financial/legal aspects of the situation are taken care of.  If you can get all of the information organized and present it to her to show that you indeed did nothing wrong, perhaps she will come out of roommate #3's shadow.  However, given that MOH has glommed onto RM#3 already, like PP said it seems that she may not be a good choice for the WP anymore.  I've also lost friendships over living situations and it stinks, and a lot of resentment can occur, but sometimes you truly have to just forget it as best you can and move on.

cmhershey

It doesn't sounds like you have MOH drama.  You have crazy roomate drama.  Try talking to your MOH without the other loony, and see if you can straighten things out between the two of you.  If you can't, then you have your answer.

salt78

Britne: JIC = Just in case.

mocha beans

Work the legal issue out first.  Actually talk to her and find out if in fact she's in on the suit, and get that part worked out.  If the other girl continues to be lying, which it sounds like she is, and pitting the two of you against each other, you need to deal with that part second.  If your friend continues to take her word over yours, then you know exactly where the friendship is going, and it'll be a given that she's not in the wedding.

FutureMrsTR

There's not really much I can add other than everyone is right and you should work on the legal situation and if your MOH really is on board with the lawsuit then she is obviously not your best friend and I don't think she would still expect or want to be your MOH.

tlv204

Dude, that sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope everything gets worked out for the best.  Sometimes people just suck monkey balls. Hopefully you two can salvage your friendship without the third person, but even if not everything will be ok.

And ditto others about advice, hopefully your MOH has nothing to do with the lawsuit.

PsyDet 2155

Yikes....doesn't really sound like she's your friend let alone MOH anymore