Bridesmaid RSVP'd with children after getting a "save the date"

queenautumn

My bridesmaid just mailed me that all four of them would be at the wedding after receiving a "Save the Date" invite. We decided it would be an adult only event due to pricing. One of her kids would be counted as an adult.

I live in Japan and she will be helping me out the most from Oregon where the wedding will be. Is it right for me to call her and tell her that her children can't come if she is in the wedding party? Ugh.

LoveBugBaby

If you strictly want it to be an adults-only wedding, then tell her that.  All you have to say is "I should have mentioned before to you that due to our budget, we're only able to have adults at the wedding, I apologize for not being to invite children!" Just be nice about it, she can't get upset with you... honestly, most weddings I've ever been to have been adults-only! 

We're having an adults-only wedding because there are entirely too many children in DF's family! We're also doing word-of-mouth that's it's adults-only.  DF's mom said she'd make sure family understood that.

emarston1

Who did you write the STD to?  Did you address it to the parents or to the family?  If you addressed it to the family, she was safe to assume you were inviting the children.

weddingbells2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-rsvpd-children-after-getting-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca70dd3f-b774-4180-94a6-3122de2e2802Post:aa16f039-88f0-4791-b420-c8ff118bc7fd">Re: Bridesmaid RSVP'd with children after getting a "save the date"</a>:
[QUOTE]Who did you write the STD to?  Did you address it to the parents or to the family?  If you addressed it to the family, she was safe to assume you were inviting the children.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

Agree with this.  If you messed up, she gets to bring the kids.  If you didn't, then you should politely explain the situation.  Clearly she's close enough with you to be in your WP so she should understand.  I will say, though, that if she is doing a lot to help you plan from a distance, it might be a nice gesture to have the whole family.  However, I know it can get tricky having some kids and not others, so don't do it at the expense of a fight in the family.  We're only having the children who are in the WP attend, and strictly because I feel like their parents spent money on dresses and tuxes and will be making an extra effort to be a part of my wedding day- I can't say, "thanks for letting your kids be cute in my pictures, now send them home before the reception."

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-rsvpd-children-after-getting-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca70dd3f-b774-4180-94a6-3122de2e2802Post:1489214d-b387-4b00-a05e-e9ee5e564ea3">Re: Bridesmaid RSVP'd with children after getting a "save the date"</a>:
[QUOTE]If you strictly want it to be an adults-only wedding, then tell her that.  All you have to say is "I should have mentioned before to you that due to our budget, we're only able to have adults at the wedding, I apologize for not being to invite children!" Just be nice about it, she can't get upset with you... honestly, most weddings I've ever been to have been adults-only! 
Posted by LindsyLove[/QUOTE]
i don't agree with this advice at all. 1) she shouldn't be all "i should have mentioned before..." if the std was addressed correctly, that's a perfectly acceptable way to communicate the information, and the bm is in error, not the bride. 2) the bride should not be apologizing for not inviting kids. apologizing implies there is something wrong with doing this, and there isn't. 3) op shouldn't tell her it's due to budget - she shouldn't give her any reasoning at all. that would only open up the door for the bm to argue, i.e. "well i'll pay for junior's plate so he can come!" don't fall into this trap.

op, assuming you addressed the std correctly, just politely tell her you're having an adult-only wedding. the end.

SparrowSong

A lot of people just don't know how invitations work with kids and don't expect their names to appear on a formal envelope since they are just kids. Just let her know the plans for adult-only and have ready the babysitter plans you've put in place, or a couple numbers she could call if necessary.

Plus as a bridesmaid who is helping you coordinate, she should be one of the people who CAN spread this word of mouth to other guests so it is necessary for her to know. It seems oddly secretive that she doesn't know already actually.

loop0406

She knew in advance that it was adults only and that only 1 of her children would be counted as adult. I would call or email her saying 'just a reminder that it's adults only'

Kristin&eric

most people dont read the outer envelope and was like "Oh i wonder if my kids are invited" they probably just assumend. I would just call her up and let her know about the budget I am sure as the MOH she should understand

queenautumn

I addressed the save the dates to the parents individually. It was a Save the Date. No RSVP was necessary, she was just excited. There was nothing secretive about anything as the wedding is still 11 months away and we are on different continents.

queenautumn

The ages are 12 and 2