Adding a bridesmaid

LizzyRB

As of now I have 4 bridesmaids but I would like to add another. Is it ok to do this since most people know I had already picked those 4 or would that be rude that she was not in the original list?

pkontk

Probably not a great idea.  She knows that you have already chosen your BP and would likely feel like second fiddle.

Could you ask her to do a reading instead (if she feels comfortable doing so)?

LizzyRB

Asked the others about 2 or 3 months ago. Wedding is next May.

Simply Fated

What is your reasoning for wanting to add her?

adamar15

Why do you want to add her?

LDubHawksFan

Your wedding isn't until next May, so assuming you just asked your BMs, I think it would be ok...  If it's been awhile, then you shouldn't.

LizzyRB

I always thought about adding her but fi wanted to stick with 4 so I picked the 4 I am closest to. This gal has been great before and after our engagement. Last night we were at dinner and I just really felt this urge to have her with me on the big day if she would do so. I feel like a jerk for not asking in the first place. I brought it up to fi last nigh,t that I feel like I really need her to be there and he said if it was that important, he is cool. But I don't want to ask her if it would cause waves (since right now she is fine and still a great friend as is).

adamar15

Could you have her do a reading or something instead?  I would feel weird about asking someone to be a BM months after I had asked the other people.

NateandJustine

I have been thinking about added one more BM to our party. My Fi has a friend in the service over seas and we have 5 now and we have been talking about adding one more (him) and then I would ask one of my closest friends that I could not ask because my FI didn't have enough guys that he wanted to ask, but now that we know he will be home, we have thought about added one more.

MJandDL

I was an add on bridesmaid in one of my friend's weddings and knew it, and it all ended up okay. Her best friend told her about 6 months beforehand that she could no longer afford to come to her wedding (bride lived out of state). She asked me if I would be a bridesmaid and told me she only hadn't asked me before because she felt like if she had she also had to ask another friend of ours. I felt bad that her best friend dropped out and said yes. I ended up having a great time and she was so appreciative of me coming. I think we actually grew closer through the whole thing and she is now one of my BMs.

But I think it totally depends on your friendship. Since your wedding is so far away I feel like you're still in the acceptable time frame for asking BMs. Did you just verbally ask the other ones? Maybe you could do something "official" like a little gift or card and ask everyone again, including her. Or you could just have a heart to heart and tell her what you told us. You sound sincere and like you appreciate her. It would make me feel special as your friend to hear you say you really want me standing up there with you and you value me as one one of your closest friends.

Summer2011Bride

OP: While your wedding isn't until next May, if it's been about 3 months since you asked the others, I probably wouldn't, especially if she and others know you've asked the BMs already. Like someone suggested, you could ask her to do a reading (if you're having any) if you would like her to be a part of the wedding in some way.

LeiselEB

I don't see a problem with this at all. I asked all my bridesmaids at different times. She has several months until the wedding - this isn't a last minute addition. 

Go ahead and ask her. 

Katred08

I guess it would depend on how you think your friend would react...is she the type to get offended by something like that?  A friend of mine was just recently asked to be BM in another wedding (she's in mine also), several months after all of the other girls had been asked.  The bride simply told her that she felt like somebody was missing, and realized it was her (which seems to be true, it doesn't even up the sides or anything).  My friend, rather than being offended, was really touched to be included and happily accepted.  I don't even think it crossed her mind to be hurt, but she's just a super laid back person in general.   I'm sort of the opposite, and while I'm sure I'd still accept, it might bug me that I wasn't close enough to be asked in the first place!

Cuss10

I asked 2 of my 5 bridesmaids a while after the other 3. I was honest with them. 'I tried to imagine my wedding without you and I couldn't do it. I like you to be in my wedding.'

And my two cents on the sides being even, I have OCD. I hate when wedding parties are uneven.