Is this rude or am I old fashioned?

kag0215

So last week FI & I got an invitation to a family friend's wedding. His parents, siblings, and their significant others also got invited. Anyways to the point. With the inivitation there was a small piece of paper with a list of hotels in the area that they have saved blocks at (ok no big deal) and a list of where they are registered at. Aren't you supposed to never put that in with the invite? I could have sworn it was only supposed to be passed by word of mouth or on the wedding website. Or am I crazy and old fashioned?

twilight.rose

It's rude to the nth degree to include registry/gift info in the invitations.

You're not crazy, nor old-fashioned...just polite.

georgia_bride09

It's tacky, sure, but people are way too uptight about little shiit like this. So they either did it purposely and are tacky, or they don't even know it's wrong- some people truly don't know. Big whoop.

[Deleted User]

Tacky and makes you just look gift grabby. Gifts are not required, even though most people give them. Usually word of mouth is sufficient for where a couple is registered, and if not, people will search the common stores' registries anyway online or in the stores.

jesibel14

Ditto what Georia says. 

I wouldn't put registry information in the invite since I know that it's not the "polite" thing to do...However I definitely wouldn't be up in arms if I received an invite with the registry info on it.  I would assume they don't know any better.  No Biggy.

quotequeen

It is rude, but it's a rule that a lot of people just don't know about.  Putting that information in the invitation has become really common, so some people just think "well every invitation I receive has it so it must be normal to include it."  And, a lot of stores give you cards to include in your invitations, and people think "they wouldn't give me those cards if I wasn't supposed to use them."

I don't think the rule is old-fashioned, but this violation is not extremely high on my list of super rude things people do relating to weddings.

apple_green

It's rude but a lot of people do it anyway. I'll always give it the side eye.

DLuchner

I had heard it was rude so I didn't put the information about where we were registered at in my invitations, but we had quite a few family and friends ask where we were registered and "why the heck we forgot to put it in the invites??" so if i had to do it over again, I still wouldn't just b/c that's ingrained to be rude where I used to live on the east coast, but around here where I live now apparently it's annoying not to put it in lol.  I think it's not a big deal either way though. 

chigirl2010

It's against etiquette, but it's a somewhat illogical rule so if people don't know the rule, it makes sense that they'd include the registry info. Yeah yeah you're not SUPPOSED to expect gifts but reality is that the overwhelming majority of guests, if not every single one, will give you a gift. So you're just cutting out the middle man, be it the MOG, MOB, or BMs, and giving the info up front. To some, it's no more presumptuous than the very act of registering itself.

So long story short, I would give the benefit of the doubt and assume the don't know the rule.

scurtis07

I think the invitation is tacky for sure, with all the tools, like this website, enabling people to slyly give registry info, they shouldn't do that. I have seen them on save the dates, and I don't think that is bad, since STD's are a little more casual, and they don't go out to EVERY guest...but I would never put it in the invites.

GreenPepperBurger

Shower invites are supposed to have registry info on them. Not the actual wedding invites.

Istremene

I really didn't know the rule about not putting registries into the invites before finding my way here to the knot.  So I would just assume other people may not know this too.

ARod22

A lot of people (myself included) know very little about wedding etiquette before they start planning their weddings.  So, when they go to the stationary store and see that there are sample invitations displayed with registry cards, people assume that this is normal, and decide to do it too, not thinking twice about whether or not this is rude.  So, yes it's poor etiquette and I think it's a little unclassy.  But, I wouldn't judge a person by it.  I would think that this person just got pulled into the "everyone else does this and so should I" trap.

JanoBean75

Not all stationery stores display their samples with registry cards. Some actually know the proper etiquette and pass that information along to their customers. I can't say I've ever seen that and I'm a nerd who loves paper, so I'm in them a lot.

I think it's tacky to put in the wedding invitation, but it doesn't bother me to put it in the shower invitation.

eshaufle

I personally think it's tacky, but I have seen it done recently.  I just write it off as an error in judgment on their part (or they didn't get to that chapter yet in the wedding etiquette book lol).  I like old etiquette and tradition but I definitely see a more modern twist with these so-called "rules" happening lately so that's what may be driving these oversights.

I still won't put it in my invitation though.  Call me old-fashioned.

mikeandniki

Some people just don't know wedding etiquette.  For example I received a wedding invitation recently and was upset that there wasn't a registry card.  I don't think it's any more rude to put it in the invitation than it is to have a registry at all, at least then everyone is getting the information and there's no guessing.

ladyrockinrobin

Hey, the way I see it, if people really want to know there's no harm in asking, and is it really that terrible to have a quick phone call before the wedding anyway? The invitation shouldn't be the only form of communication you have with your guests before the wedding, and if it is, maybe that's some budget you could save in not inviting them since you don't chat that often anyway.  ;-)

Now I'm curious about how this extends to "web-site etiquette"... 

- R

mikellshea

I am from Utah and around here it is completely normal to include where your registered on an invite. I have never though of it as being rude and have used registries to by gifts for weddings I have attended.

dstaub

I live in Indiana and did not put registry information on my invitations nor did I include it in the envelopes. I regret it. I've had SO many people who haven't heard it from family/friends ask me...first, where I'm registered...and second, why I didn't put it on or in the invitations. I think it's great if you want to follow tradition but I also think it's just as great to include registry information in or on the invitation. I don't think it's a greedy gesture but rather a helpful gesture for your guests. That's just my opinion...

PrettyWoman1988

Ive heard that it is rude, but I wonder why that is so? Personally, when I get invited to a wedding or any special event where a gift is usually given (graduation, baby shower, etc) one of the first things I consider is what to give, and what the person or couple needs or wants.

I may be a little different, but I think its rude to expect people to dig the information out of parents and friends rather than to make it easy to find. I am all for adding registry info into the invitation, but is should be discrete, small font, bottom of the page.

That said, the real test of rudeness is, are the couple themselves generally rude or thoughtless? If not, you can bet this was just a slight deviation of taste and manners, the standard of which are always changing.

chiwawa

I know that the general consensus is that it's rude, but I don't think so.  When I'm invited to a wedding, I want to know where the couple is registered so I can make sure to get them something they want, or at least a gift card to a store they like.  Everyone knows that weddings are traditionally gift-giving occasions, and it's not like you're saying, "Please buy us ___________" or "No one admitted without gift."  I think putting the registry info in the invitation is a very helpful idea.  As for only putting it in the shower invitations, maybe 30% of my wedding guests will be invited to my shower.  How are the other 70% supposed to find out where we're registered?  A lot of FI's half of the guest list are friends from the Army who don't know anyone involved in the wedding besides him.  Do you really think these soldiers are going to call FI and ask where we're registered?  I don't.  I think this is one of the outdated rules of etiquette that some people are way too uptight over.  But that's just me. 

ajzphilp

So - how about putting a piece of paper in the invitation that asks your guests to please check out your wedding website.

... where, of course, if they so desired, they can find out where you are registered.

Wouldn't that work for everyone?

Jennifer&Nate

I can handle an insert with registry information better than the last invite I received that basically said "We're registered here and there, but we'd rather you send us cash." It just rubbed me the wrong way. I know the couple well and they're just precious and probably didn't realize how it comes off, but basic etiquette research should (IMO) be a significant part of wedding planning.

kayakrunhike

I wouldn't be overly upset about it, as it really does seem not everyone follows that rule/ some areas commonly have the info somewhere in the invite packet.  What we ended up doing was having a card with hotel info, etc, and on it I had a line that said 'for more info, please visit our wedding website..." and we had the registries listed on the site. 

goetzr19

I'm in the minority.  I could care less if they put it in their.  Personally, I think it's a BIGGER run around to find out where they are registered, and I PREFER if the registry information was in the invite. 

I actually saw a wedding invite on our counter today for a friend of my FI's.  I was absolutely, RELIEVED that they put where they were registered because I am the one responsible for shopping for gifts, and it would take FI a LONG time and MANY MANY reminders to contact someone for registry info. 

On a last note.....as a bride or part of the BP, its a hassle with last minute plans to have to keep getting phone calls with "where are you registered???".  But that's just my input.  I digress.

hbatchel2

When I made my registry, I was given cards to use as invitation inserts with stickers to put on them with our names and registry number.

I didn't think anything of it until I came here and saw it was considered bad etiquette.

I wouldn't be offended if I got an invite with one though.

mishel13

I design wedding invitations part-time and it's about 50/50 on whether the brides want to include registry information or not. I think you're right, it's not polite to request gifts from people. Having said that, it's become such common place, that most people don't think much of it when they receive them. Basically - I don't think you're old fashioned.

kareevan

Very innapropriate. I have seen a couple who put every single registry on the inside flap of their invite and that my friends is sooo tacky, not to mention they put "gift cards are fine too" Hello! she must have not been a Knottie or researched any wedding no nos. Although you personally wouldnt get mad at someone who included it with the invite, someone should have suggested a wedding website.
Word of mouth is the way to go

InfamousQBert

honestly, before reading on these boards, i had no idea you weren't "supposed" to do that. assuming someone has access to your wedding website is more rude to me than including a small card. i understand not including the info on the actual invitation, but we had a business card sized insert designed that fit with the rest of the invitation suite and had the info on it. i think most people actually expect that now.

mrsalbee

I've read/heard that it is in poor taste to put your registry information printed on the actual invite. Now, if you put a little piece of paper inside along with the invitation, that's okay. That's just what I had heard somewheres!

I personally would rather know, although I only ever give money!

AriaGoose

I would be a bit offended if someone included their registry info in their invite... I've never seen it - ever - and I knew not to include it long before I got engaged...  I think it's tacky to say where you're registered and I'm even kinda shy about putting it on a website.  If folks want to know they can ask my mom, mom-in-law-to-be, or me.  Or - they can choose to buy their own gift or not bring a gift at all.  Besides, most folks are registered at the big stores anyways - you can just search their name if you don't want to ask...