Guest List--How to handle an A list and a B list???

ickletarakins

The wedding we are planning--specifically the reception--only allows us to invite 57 people. Obviously I have no problem with there being LESS people than that...but between family and friends, we definitely have more than 57 people that we'd like to invite.

Just a sidenote: I'm glad we're doing it this way and don't want to change our reception venue--making the choice we've made basically forces us to have a small wedding, and we can barely afford THAT.

That said...how does one handle A and B guest lists??? Like...there are a handful of people on my A list who I'm 99% sure won't come (i.e. a friend who is on deployment, a set of brothers who haven't left their homestate in years, a couple we know who will have JUST had a baby and lives 600-ish miles away, etc.)...is it rude to just ASK these people first, rather than just sending them invites?

Or if we absolutely SHOULDN'T ask them, or if other people decline and we want to invite others in their place...how do we handle that??? I swear, there are just too many wedding rules

andyandhillary

B lists aren't really a proper thing to do.  You never know, anyway, who may come.  I have so many people who I never thought would be able to come who were the first ones to get hotel reservations.  Even if you asked people first and they said no, their plans could always change. 

danieliza1127

Don't ask them in advance.  It kind of puts pressure on them to give you an answer and then they might feel bad and think maybe you would rather have the other people there.

Really the only thing you can do is send those invitations out early, like 8-10 weeks before the wedding and hope they RSVP right away.  As soon as you get some declines, send out additional invitations.  The trick is that you don't want the B list people to know they are B listers, so they still need to get their invites around the 6 week mark if possible.

BecW2be

You mix A and B together, form one list, and then go from there. There's not a polite way to do it otherwise. We invited 180, hoping about 100 would show, but we planned for 180 until we got the RSVPs back. You just need to get your list of 57 people and invite them, counting on 100% attendance. Feelings will be hurt if people realize you didn't intend on inviting them until you had people RSVP no. It's better to have one list and go with that. GL!

MyNameIsNot

Just say no to A/B lists.  If you really don't expect these people to come, don't invite them and invite someone else instead.  

Cut your guest list to 57 and be done with it.  

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-handle-list-b-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb561b12-f264-4077-82df-01356f6b7d1cPost:b327af88-1fd7-4293-a53a-b00d74d35b19">Re: Guest List--How to handle an A list and a B list???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You mix A and B together, form one list, and then go from there.</strong> There's not a polite way to do it otherwise. We invited 180, hoping about 100 would show, but we planned for 180 until we got the RSVPs back. You just need to get your list of 57 people and invite them, counting on 100% attendance. Feelings will be hurt if people realize you didn't intend on inviting them until you had people RSVP no. It's better to have one list and go with that. GL!
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

50 strokes with a wooden spoon right?  Because if you overmix they won't rise right. 

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-handle-list-b-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb561b12-f264-4077-82df-01356f6b7d1cPost:c2af91e7-0a68-454f-b574-c44c196cd070">Re: Guest List--How to handle an A list and a B list???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest List--How to handle an A list and a B list??? : 50 strokes with a wooden spoon right?  Because if you overmix they won't rise right. 
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

That sounds like cookingspeak, of which I am very unfamiliar. But I'll go with it! :)

JenniferC2010

I have started a B list. While we really really hope that everyone on the A list will come, we are sure there will be some declines (one of FH's sisters is pregnant with twins and all of his family lives in England). We have a food budget quota to make for the reception so if we fall below the 'required' number we are sending out to B list.

I agree with the PP about sending the invites out really early. As soon as you get declines get those B list invites out so that it appears to them that they were not second best.

I also agree that it's not the best way to go and it's considered rude, but they won't know and what they don't know won't hurt them. You can't be insulted by something you don't know.

ickletarakins

That's what I'm hoping...that they just won't know. I.E. what someone else said..I'm 99% sure that there are 6-10 people on our "A" list who won't come...but what if, by some coincidence, that changes? Then, if we only do an "A" list and hope that those people will say no (like we think they will), we will end up with more than 57 guests at a wedding venue that literally, legally cannot hold MORE THAN 57 guests. I know that a "B" list isn't the nicest thing in the world, but I also know we're not the only couple in history who has had one. I guess we will just plan on sending our invites out 2+ months early and hope that some people RSVP "no" fairly soon so that we can send out some "B" list invites.

That said...none of the people on our "B" list even know each other, and they don't know anyone on our "A" list either. So it's not like we have to worry about them finding out that way, that they are on the "B" list.

We're going to piss people off regardless. We met in high school and have lost touch with a good many people since then, but in the past old high school friends have made comments about how they "better be invited" to our wedding...when they aren't even on EITHER of our lists. But that doesn't change the fact that we don't want to be rude.