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Bridal Shower Guests vs. Wedding Dinner Guests

schlesssschlesss member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi...my fiance and I are having a small ceremony on a Thursday afternoon with 15 close family members in our home. Several months later we were planning a dinner at a restaurant for around 100 people to help celebrate the marriage. My mother is also hosting a bridal shower for me with 50 guests. Since the dinner we want to keep informal is it necessary to invite all of the people from the shower to this dinner? Remember....it's not a formal wedding reception.
Please help me...I'm going crazy!!
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Re: Bridal Shower Guests vs. Wedding Dinner Guests

  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    It is bad etiquette to invite anyone to a shower that is not invited to the wedding itself. That's like saying someone is good enough to give you a gift but not good enough to see you get hitched.
    Even with destination weddings, when you make the choice to have a small wedding guest list, you also make the choice to have a small shower guest list, or no shower at all.
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  • crfischecrfische member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Anyone you invite to a shower must be invited to the wedding.

    Otherwise, you're just a selfish gift grabber, and you don't want people to think that about you.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It's rude to invite people to pre-wedding events if they are not invited to the wedding.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • schlesssschlesss member
    First Comment
    Thank you everyone...this is how I feel but wanted to get others opinions if they've been through the same thing. :-)
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  • temerityjanetemerityjane
    2500 Comments
    You're having a bridal shower for 50, a wedding for 15, and then some months later, you're having 100 people over for dinner, which isn't the wedding. You shouldn't really invite anyone to your bridal shower that you aren't having to your actual wedding. You're inviting them to a party to celebrate something they're not invited to. It seems off.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    PPS are right.  Shower guests MUST be invited to the wedding reception.

    When I was in this position, I told the hostess that I wasn't going to attend if she invited people that weren't wedding guests. 
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  • irshis20irshis20 member
    100 Comments
    You should really say, "Thanks, but no thanks" to a shower. You're not inviting any of those people to your wedding, it sounds like. But if you do go forward with the shower, then YES, you need to invite them to the 100-person dinner, which IS a reception, I don't care if you think it's not. What do you think a reception is? It's a party in celebration of your marriage - the first party as husband and wife. And 100 people is hardly choosy.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    No one should be invited to the shower that aren't invited to the actually wedding, not the dinner party after the fact. 

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