Another kid question...

aRachel21

Hi! My fiance and I don't necessarily want kids to come to our wedding reception (to us, a kid is anyone under the age of 15 or 16).  However, my aunt and uncle with their 5 kids (ages range between 7 and 19) will be flying about 3,000 miles to come to our wedding.  I think it would be rude to say 'hey, pay for your whole family to fly out here for a few days, but we don't really want the 2 younger kids to come."  If we make an exception for these 2 cousins, then we will have to make an exception for the other younger cousins.  Should we just suck it up and let the rest of the younger cousins come?  In total there will be 8 kids under 15.  

Note: invites and save the dates have not gone out

cjeffries928

it depends. what is your reasoning for no kids? Is it going to be an inappropriate atmosphere? If so i would just inform the parents. Look there is going to e  ton of drinking and wildness so you might not want to bring your kids lol. We are kind of in the same boat. We have a lot of nieces and nephews who will be there but we don't want everyone to bring their kids. I opted just to not put children's names on the invitation and deal with it case by case. Most people will get the hit, So when they call you can say there will only be 2 other children there and let them make the call.

misshart00

In Response to Re:Another kid question...:[QUOTE]Hi! My fiance and I don't necessarily want kids to come to our wedding reception to us, a kid is anyone under the age of 15 or 16. nbsp;However, my aunt and uncle with their 5 kids ages range between 7 and 19 will be flying about 3,000 miles to come to our wedding. nbsp;I think it would be rude to say 'hey, pay for your whole family to fly out here for a few days, but we don't really want the 2 younger kids to come." nbsp;If we make an exception for these 2 cousins, then we will have to make an exception for the other younger cousins. nbsp;Should we just suck it up and let the rest of the younger cousins come? nbsp;In total there will be 8 kids under 15. nbsp;Note: invites and save the dates have not gone out Posted by aRachel21[/QUOTE]

You should make your age cut off less arbitrary, like 18 or 21. Anyone over 18 should get their own invite anyway, and treated as adults. You don't have to make any exceptions, but people may not come because thy don't want to leave their little ones at home. And please don't use alcohol as an excuse. Most parents take there kids to restaurants and other places where alcohol ia served. Its no different. It's completely fine to have an adult only wedding, and you don't need to give any reasoning.

lyndausvi

Personally, I prefer inviting in circles.   Meaning I would invite all my first cousins regardless their age.  I would not invited kids of cousins.     To me those 8 kids would not be a big deal.

That is the way my social group does things and noone thinks twice about it.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-kid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc4b3e85-9a05-48dc-992e-f607e7799d53Post:da596fb7-5c92-4b19-a916-c4ec11a5799a">Another kid question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! My fiance and I don't necessarily want kids to come to our wedding reception (to us, a kid is anyone under the age of 15 or 16).  However, my aunt and uncle with their 5 kids (ages range between 7 and 19) will be flying about 3,000 miles to come to our wedding.  I think it would be rude to say 'hey, pay for your whole family to fly out here for a few days, but we don't really want the 2 younger kids to come." <strong> If we make an exception for these 2 cousins, then we will have to make an exception for the other younger cousins. </strong> Should we just suck it up and let the rest of the younger cousins come?  In total there will be 8 kids under 15.   Note: invites and save the dates have not gone out
Posted by aRachel21[/QUOTE]

You can make the cutoff OOT kids only.  Most people will advise you against splitting families (inviting some but not all of a group of siblings), as it can lead to hurt feelings and invite more drama.  If you are prepared for your aunt and uncle to decline the invitation, you can invite whoever you want.  But if it's very important to you to have your aunt and uncle there, inviting them and their kids is probably the best bet.  Many people would not be willing to fly cross country for a wedding and not bring their children.  You just have to evaluate what is more important to you and your FI.

vk2204

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-kid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc4b3e85-9a05-48dc-992e-f607e7799d53Post:34d3103c-114f-4d7b-9bc2-fad9c7ed285c">Re: Another kid question...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Personally, I prefer inviting in circles.   Meaning I would invite all my first cousins regardless their age.</strong>  I would not invited kids of cousins.     To me those 8 kids would not be a big deal. That is the way my social group does things and noone thinks twice about it.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what we are doing.

MrsMack10612

I agree with the exception of OOT kids.  It's one of those times I think people will be more understanding of why theirs and not mine.

Unfortunately, if someone wants to get their feathers ruffled because their kids aren't invited, they'll find a reason regardless how logically you make the cuts.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-kid-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc4b3e85-9a05-48dc-992e-f607e7799d53Post:11ee8605-b7d0-4a9c-8ae0-831faaa102dc">Re: Another kid question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Are the parents of the in-town cousins and in-town cousins going to be upset if they aren't included but the other cousins are? Is it worth upsetting them to have 5 fewer kids at your wedding?
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>This is information I would use to decide as well. If it is going to upset your family for just a small number, it doesn't seem worth the fight. But if they won't mind and it won't cause you future problems with them, ok. </div>

Simply Fated

In Response to Re:Another kid question...:[QUOTE]Hi! My fiance and I don't necessarily want kids to come to our wedding reception to us, a kid is anyone under the age of 15 or 16. nbsp;However, my aunt and uncle with their 5 kids ages range between 7 and 19 will be flying about 3,000 miles to come to our wedding. nbsp;I think it would be rude to say 'hey, pay for your whole family to fly out here for a few days, but we don't really want the 2 younger kids to come." nbsp;If we make an exception for these 2 cousins, then we will have to make an exception for the other younger cousins. nbsp;Should we just suck it up and let the rest of the younger cousins come? nbsp;In total there will be 8 kids under 15. nbsp;Note: invites and save the dates have not gone out Posted by aRachel21[/QUOTE]
Do you have other OOT guests with kids? You can make an exception for OOT kids.

OjitosVerdes

Hey there -I'm in a similar situation in that I feel like I need to make a couple exceptions, but if we included all kids, it's going to be 30+ and we just can't accommodate them. 

In your situation, if it were only 8 kids total, I would probably just include them all to avoid the drama.  I agree that splitting the family is a bad idea, but that by inviting the aunt and uncle's kids and not others, there might be hard feelings. 

I also agree with the poster above that your reasons for not including kids are important. If you can't accommodate them for space/financial reasons, then you will have to come up with some kind of alternative to inviting them all. 

Peavy

I think you should just invite all the kids -- you'll barely notice that they're there, and it will keep peace in the family.

Amyzen83

This post actually helps me a lot!!!!!! I have quite a few cousins, all adults, all married, and all have kids of their own-- small kids. They are all out of state, and I'm not as close with my actual extended family as I am with my church family. Yet I'm torn because I'd have to cut out some of my church family that I'm not perhaps as close with to make room for my relatives that I still talk to but can't be as close with due to our own lives and distance separating us. So with that said, I'd be cutting out those friends because I'd have to make room for all my relatives little ones, and I don't even know how many there are total. Lol! I'm a huge fan of the case by case basis!