What's your opinion on the the topic of...

natalienoelle27

paying for your attendants travel accommodations for a destination wedding?

I'm having a destination wedding and when I did a little research on the topic I realized I should be paying for my attendants according to the etiquette sources I read. Let me just say, that's what I ended up doing.
On another board someone basically told me I was wrong and challenged my sources.
So it leads me here, to you girls....Can you please give me your opinion?

danieliza1127

In my opinion and experience, the wedding party always pays their own way.

What does it matter now though?  If you've already paid for them, you can't take it back now.

georgia_bride09

While it was nice of you, it wasn't required.

waltzingmatilda13

If you can pay for them it's a very nice gesture to make, but I don't think it's required. Hopefully when you choose attendants they know that you are having a DW and make their decision accordingly.

My sister had a DW and paid for her attendants hotel accomodations since they were staying at a resort and it wasn't cheap. All they had to buy were plane tickets.

emilyinchile

It's nice but not at all necessary. These days, most attendants are going to have to travel to get to your wedding anyway, since people are spread out around the globe. Granted it may be more expensive to get to a DW than to someone's random hometown, since most DWs are at popular vacation spots, but as long as your WP knows that they can make their own grown-up decisions about their finances and whether or not they'll be able to make it.

Beachy730

I don't at all think its required, since usually attendants pay for their own accomodations.  Paying for it is like paying for their hair or makeup or dress or something, not required but completely appreciated if you do.

As far as etiquette, even if you "erred" on proper etiquette, at least you erred in a good way, and a way that would never be considered rude. 

baystateapple

I've been in a couple of WP, and none of the brides ever offered to pay any of my expenses.  Nor would I have expected them to.

But like PP said, if you've done it, you've done it, and it was very nice of you to do so.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I don't think it's required, but if you want to do it, that's awesome. I would especially do it if it meant the difference between my best friends attending or not. But then again, I'd do the same with parents a siblings - if they couldn't afford to travel to my wedding, I'd make sure they could.

natalienoelle27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-opinion-topic-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc54cf75-e62d-4c86-8616-81ecf09f1edaPost:ab2b194e-c232-46e9-93a9-28490d6eea17">Re: What's your opinion on the the topic of...</a>:
[QUOTE]In my opinion and experience, the wedding party always pays their own way. What does it matter now though?  If you've already paid for them, you can't take it back now.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I'm not trying to take it back. I just had the discussion on another board and was curious what everyone's experience on the etiquette board was.  When I originally decided to have a destination wedding I looked up all this stuff and was trying to do what would probably be expected of me. (As I have a fairly formal family) I have no experience with destination weddings at all. So I came across this article...and I chose to follow the etiquette. (Just a little background) Thanks for everyones opinions! I really do tend to agree that it is not mandatory.
<a href="http://weddings.weddingchannel.com/wedding-planning-ideas/wedding-etiquette/articles/etiquette-of-destination-weddings.aspx?MsdVisit=1">http://weddings.weddingchannel.com/wedding-planning-ideas/wedding-etiquette/articles/etiquette-of-destination-weddings.aspx?MsdVisit=1</a>

direy25

I think feathers got ruffled a little too easily on the original post - one person had read one thing, another read something differently.  It really wasn't that big of a deal.  I think it's a very generous thing you're doing.  I'm just glad it's not required because we definitely don't have it in our budget to pay for all of our attendants.

MVJP10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-opinion-topic-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cc54cf75-e62d-4c86-8616-81ecf09f1edaPost:3e365ebe-07de-4c1b-98eb-d45d89c19f57">What's your opinion on the the topic of...</a>:
[QUOTE]paying for your attendants travel accommodations for a destination wedding? I'm having a destination wedding and when I did a little research on the topic I realized I should be paying for my attendants according to the etiquette sources I read. Let me just say, that's what I ended up doing. On another board someone basically told me I was wrong and challenged my sources. So it leads me here, to you girls....Can you please give me your opinion?
Posted by natalienoelle27[/QUOTE]

As I said in the original post, throughout my research I haven't found anywhere that said "etiquette dictates" that you pay for your attendants travel expenses. I appreciate what you've linked, but that's the only article I've come across that says that. Proper etiquette is important to some people, myself included, and I would be embarassed and feel guilty if I were to do something that would be perceived as rude or out of line, so I was just trying to clarify. 

L-Bride

I think it's great you did that but (like pp stated) not at all required. I've been to several DWs and I've always paid my own way. To be honest I'm more comfortable with paying for myself for things like trips anyways. A couple of the DWs I've been to had a whole itinerary with things that weren't even wedding related. Fi and I didn't do everything on the itinerary but if the hosts had paid I may have felt obligated to.
This way we were able to make it a mini vacation for us too.

ARod22

I dont' think it's a right or wrong issue.  You certainly don't have to pay their way, but doing it is very nice of you.

wadingmoose

If I had a destination wedding and had attendants, I WOULD pay for them.  To me, my decision should not be a hardship to those closest to me.

That said, you don't HAVE to pay for them.

What you did is really nice and thoughtful and I'm going to guarantee that your wedding party is extremely grateful for it.

In other words, what you did is not WRONG so I don't know why it matters.

HKD817

Wow, can I be in your wedding party? The wedding party pays their own way. You def didnt have to, but it was nice. I hope they appreciated it

red1115

Not required but very nice of you!

As for my wedding party, they're paying their way & accomedations, but we're picking up the tabs for them on other things - hair make-up, tux  etc.

We also made a point of chossing a DW location that had a large intl airport with lots of low priced air/hotel combos - as eceryone is flying in & we'd hate to see anyone go broke just to attend our wedding!!

kalizoomba

I would feel bad NOT paying for them.  You asked them to be in your wedding, then chose to have the wedding far away.   I think you should at least pay half. 

futuremrsgensch

wow, that was extremely generous of you. If I was in the position to do that, I most definitely would. I am in a a similar situation and would love some feed back from anyone more experienced than I. I am getting married next summer in Berlin, Germany, where my fiance lives. My issue is that my mom has told me she doesn't think she can afford to pay for my teenage brother and sister and her all to come, as well as my dad and step mom also not knowing for sure if they can come. My Fiance and I don't have our ring yet because it's being made, so my mom wasn't comfortable with us sending out official announcements or save the dates until we make it "official" when he comes to visit at Christmas. She has also told me that Berlin is not a real "desination" wedding so she's not sure if people will be willing to spend the airfair to get there. Is it honestly that unreasonable for me hope that 8 months is enough time for people to save for a plane ticket? Am I being unrealistic?