Wedding Etiquette Forum

Please advise on how to handle this touchy situation

My fiance and I had been discussing adding his cousins (if they happened to come to the wedding from out of town) to our bridal party. As of right now, it consists of his brother as his BM and my sister as my MOH.

He got a bit overly excited after realizing the cousins would be coming while talking on the phone to his Aunt... he invited the four kids to be in the wedding party. She said they would love to be in it.

Since then, my fiance and I have discussed this more and he admits that he was a bit quick-triggered to invite them in the bridal party when we weren't even sure we wanted a larger party. We unfortunately can't afford to outfit all four of his cousins, and we know the aunt can't afford to either (especially since they're already paying for an out of town wedding).

How do I handle this situation? Or do I leave it alone and hope the Aunt eventually contacts me with regrets that the kids can't participate? I don't want to hurt their feelings and "uninvite" them as wedding party members, but we simply cannot afford to have a large bridal party.

Re: Please advise on how to handle this touchy situation

  • I believe this will best be handled with a poem. 

    Luckily for you, our resident poet has the good fortune to be from Canada land and therefore will not be absent tomorrow on holiday. 

    You'll want to come back and ask Fischey.  She'll take care of you.   Pinkey swear. 

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • Why would you have to pay for their clothes? If you invite them and they cannot afford it... They should decline or you could have them wear something they already have...
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  • Typically the Bride and Groom do not pay for the WP's attire.  His Aunt shoukd have assumed there would be expenses involved when she accepted.

    How old are the cousins?
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  • You said that you were coming, and we were so excited!
    So of course into our wedding party, you were sure invited!

    But soon thereafter we did think, and pondered, then OH NO!
    Our pockets were quite empty, and our checking said ZERO!

    So while we think you are all right and fairly decent people,
    We need to uninvite you from standing up with us by the steeple.

    We hope that you will still attend, and that you'll bring a gift,
    Because if you  travel here without one, we will sure be miffed.

    Please don't take this the wrong way or think that you aren't great,
    Just not good enough for use to spend money on when I wed my mate.



     


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    Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.

    The Margarita Evolution
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  • nice one fische.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • ;) best I can do on Thanksgiving morning with my inlaws asking me what the hell I'm doing.

    Uhhh...well...ya see. I'm writing this poem on the knot because there's this lady? Who wants to invite her bridal party, and a poem is the only answer.

    Yes, father in law. I swear I'm sane. Embarassed
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    Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.

    The Margarita Evolution
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  • Laughing

    the knot is hard to explain.  Especially when you burst out laughing like I just did and DH says "what's so funny?"






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Perfect!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and the fishe-in-laws!
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  • Perfect, Fischey! And Eastie, I'm pretty sure she's not from Canadialand. I realize the ultimate coolness may have lead you to conclude that she's a Canuck, but no, she has to pay out the nose for health insurance like most of the rest of us poor slobs.
  • True. but I AM close to Canada! I mean...like...200 miles from Canada or seomthing like that.
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    Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.

    The Margarita Evolution
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  • Thats just not close enough fische...
  • All that Canadian coolness is rubbing off. Or would that be blowing down as a bitter cold north wind? I'll rub it in that I walked the dog this morning without a coat. Ah, the joys of the south.

    FWIW, I grew up about 50 miles from the Canadian border. Upstate NY, but closer to the Canadian capital than even my own state capital.
  • Whew.  I was wondering when the US handed N. Dakota to Canada.  Not that I'd complain, but those kind of things usually get more media attention.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • The media has been pretty busy with Adam Lambert, Jon and Kate, and the Obama's breathing.

    I can see how it'd be an oversight.
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    Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.

    The Margarita Evolution
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  • Good point, Fishy.  Although with the stalking of  Obama, you'd think one of them would've noticed the loss of an entire state.

    Canada's sneaky that way though.  Remember when we burned down your white house?  No?  Oh. 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Yea, since it's a holiday, I'm going to be nice and answer this one seriously.

    You can't ask them to not be in your bridal party now that you asked them.  That would be rude and ruin your relationship for the rest of your lives.  You dont' have to pay for your bridal party's attire, so if your aunt can't pay for the outfits, then they'll have to bow out of your wedding party.
  • You wouldn't be responsible for paying for their attire anyway, so I would just let this play itself out.  If she can't afford the clothes for the kids, they can either back out or maybe you guys will find it in the budget to help out.  The only you can't do is back out of having them in the wedding, everything else can be worked out.
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  • Thank you guys for answering. The cousins are 11, 14, 16, and 18. I think the Aunt had assumed we'd pay for the outfits because we offered to help my fiance's mom (her sister) with expenses for coming down here. I know it's not the norm to pay for these things.

    Thanks again, and Happy Turkey Day to all the Americans and happy Thursday to all Canadians :)
  • Wait... Minnesota is NOT a part of Canada?  whaaa?


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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • Its one thing to help your fi's mother show up to her sons wedding, and another to foot the bill for an aunt. Hopefully she realizes this.
    If it comes up just nicely let her know its not in the budget to outfit the kids for the wedding but let her know that you look forward to seeing her in any capacity.
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