Am I nuts? - Wedding Date

rsanna

This is a vent and I know there is nothing we can do.  But FI's cousin (on his dad's side) just sent him a message asking us if we could move the wedding back 2 weeks, because their grandma (dad's mom) wants to plan a cruise for the parents (as in her children) that would overlap the wedding.

I know if she wants to plan a cruise and miss her grandson's wedding she can.

I know that if his parents and aunts and uncles want to go on said cruise and miss the wedding they can.

He told his cousin that we weren't changing the date and that if they can't make it, they will be missed.

But my blood is boiling right now. Moreso because I don't get why they (okay she) would think this was a good idea.  And I feel irrationally ragey. Why couldn't she call him and ask him?  Why would anyone even think this is a good idea?  It is more because I don't understand these people. But yeah.  Am I nuts? I feel nuts.

gnc0988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-nuts-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccd79238-c804-4e20-9f14-ab48040ef15bPost:8d4d9351-acdf-4a18-ac77-fccf1ef4708f">Am I nuts? - Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a vent and I know there is nothing we can do.  But FI's cousin (on his dad's side) just sent him a message asking us if we could move the wedding back 2 weeks, because their grandma (dad's mom) wants to plan a cruise for the parents (as in her children) that would overlap the wedding. I know if she wants to plan a cruise and miss her grandson's wedding she can. I know that if his parents and aunts and uncles want to go on said cruise and miss the wedding they can. He told his cousin that we weren't changing the date and that if they can't make it, they will be missed. But my blood is boiling right now. Moreso because I don't get why they (okay she) would think this was a good idea.  And I feel irrationally ragey. Why couldn't she call him and ask him?  Why would anyone even think this is a good idea?  It is more because I don't understand these people. But yeah.  Am I nuts? I feel nuts.
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]


lol no, you arent nuts. thats RIDICULOUS to ask someone to do that. They are in for a rude awakening when they realize it wont make or break your wedding if they arent there.

Ro041

I would be PISSED.  In fact, I would likely bring it up randmonly to FI if this happened to me, during a car ride for example, "I seriously still can't believe that your cousin would have the cajones to ask us to move our date back two weeks.  Do they not realize how much trouble planning a wedding is???  If they don't want to come, then f 'em."

Yeah - I would be ragey about it as well.  I am feeling ragey for you!

mashley3

Don't even consider changing your date! My fiancé's mom is crazy enough to do something like this. If your fiancé's family is willing to miss your wedding, too bad.

misssunshine17

I would be so mad, too. Yes, it sucks for them to have to choose, but it's on them. 

CallaLily25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-nuts-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccd79238-c804-4e20-9f14-ab48040ef15bPost:8d4d9351-acdf-4a18-ac77-fccf1ef4708f">Am I nuts? - Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a vent and I know there is nothing we can do.  But FI's cousin (on his dad's side) just sent him a message asking us if we could move the wedding back 2 weeks, because their grandma (dad's mom) wants to plan a cruise for the parents (as in her children) that would overlap the wedding. I know if she wants to plan a cruise and miss her grandson's wedding she can. I know that if his parents and aunts and uncles want to go on said cruise and miss the wedding they can. He told his cousin that we weren't changing the date and that if they can't make it, they will be missed. But my blood is boiling right now. Moreso because I don't get why they (okay she) would think this was a good idea.  And I feel irrationally ragey. Why couldn't she call him and ask him?  Why would anyone even think this is a good idea?  It is more because I don't understand these people. But yeah.  Am I nuts? I feel nuts.
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

I would be mad, too! I think that's an absolutely ridiculous request. Who asks someone to reschedule their wedding to accommodate a cruise?

rsanna

We weren't even considering changing our date.

And we both understand that things come up.  And people have lives.  One of FI's groomsmen is unforunately going to be studying abroad during our wedding.  We will miss him but we don't expect him to put his life on hold for us and it is such an amazing opportunity for him. 

I don't know.  This just rubs me the wrong way and I feel irrationaly ragey and crazy. Actually, I just feel so mad and upset that FI's family just continues to do these things to him and they don't seem to care about him.  I know we should lower our expectations and that this behavior is expected out of them at this point.  But it is doesn't make it any easier on FI.

Do you think FI should call and try to talk to his grandma tomorrow? I mean, right now he is just hearing second hand information from his cousin (who we feel bad about, since he was stuck in the middle of it). I just...ugh.

jessicabessica

What did you guys tell the cousin?  I probably would have said something like, "Our date is set.  Please let grandma know that she can call us if she has any questions about the wedding."  I wouldn't feel too bad for the cousin.  I would not get involved in that kind of family drama, so I don't see why the cousin would agree to ask you on grandma's behalf.  But sorry, that generally sucks for you and your FI that you have to put up with this.  

Simply Fated

You're not nuts.

And, no, I wouldn't say anything. if it really is an issue, his grandmother or aunts and uncle should come to him. 

NYCMercedes

Back when Grandma was married it was probably just punch and cake in the church basement for an hour. Then they got in a roadster and drove an hour to spend two nights in the big city. Sounds like Grandma may be losing it.

rsanna

He just responded with the date is set and we aren't changing it and that they will be missed.  He also added that he doesn't see why grandma can't put the cruise on another time. His family is just kind of horrible at communicating.   But we know that if she really wants to do this cruise there isn't anything we can do about it. 

I just wanted to make sure I'm not nuts, because after this week it feels like we are nuts.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-nuts-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccd79238-c804-4e20-9f14-ab48040ef15bPost:e2d8f25c-6559-4d11-a620-3d9e17b440c8">Re: Am I nuts? - Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't believe someone would ask if you could change your date.. that blows my mind lol 
Posted by clovester[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div>

ScrabbleAndLlamas

I had a woman at church ask me the same thing, because her daughter will be studying abroad for a month after my wedding, and she would just hate to miss it!  Funny thing is that at that point, we weren't even sure if we would have room to invite her daughter.

acaponi87

I would be ragey but it's so ridiculous I think it's more funny.

sierraberry32

 "Planning to go on a cruise is SO hard! A wedding is a piece of cake though!!" Said no one, EVER! 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-nuts-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccd79238-c804-4e20-9f14-ab48040ef15bPost:8df36b8c-adca-4d6b-bc61-757c6151bed5">Re: Am I nuts? - Wedding Date</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a woman at church ask me the same thing, because her daughter will be studying abroad for a month after my wedding, and she would just hate to miss it!  Funny thing is that at that point, we weren't even sure if we would have room to invite her daughter.
Posted by woodschr[/QUOTE]
That's awkward!

kmmssg

Does Grandma know he called?  Did he possibly hear some chatter and take it upon himself to call you?  Since FMIL and FFIL would be on the cruise guest list I would ask them.  You are hearing this second hand and from someone who isn't on this list for the cruise.

Yes, it is completely outrageous for you guys to be asked to move your date, but I would also check with the source and not just take the cousin's word as gospel here.

Jager1219

As somone who's been in this situation (sorta but mine was lots more drama), the only thing I can say is that grandma probably doesn't get that wedding planning is a lot more work than it used to be.  In that what a PP said - her wedding was probably just cake & punch and could easily be changed.  When we had to change our date, the person who made a big deal about it said "it's a small technical difficulty".  And they couldn't comprehend WHY it was a huge deal.

BMoreBride6

Not nuts.  We just had to push our wedding date back a week because a family conflict came up and would have put 2 of FI's brothers in a tough position.  No one ever asked us to change anything and were more than gracious when we did.  I'm happy we did but this was NOT because of a family cruise that could have easily been moved.  This was a conflict with their school schedules and our wedding is still 10 months out and it was still a bit of a challenge.  If someone had asked me to change things 4 months out because of a family vacation that isn't even scheduled yet?  I might have lost it...

ladyomnipotent

No one has asked me to change my wedding date, but I do have an aunt who is choosing to go to a grandchild's birthday party rather than my wedding.  Whatever, yanno?

zantster

Unless I hear something from the horse's mouth I take it with a grain of salt.  If I were FI I would call his grandma to say "hey, howyadoin"  Just chit chat and have a bit of small talk.  Then casually update her about how good the wedding plans are going and how nice it will be to see her and the other family members there and see if she brings up the cruise.  If she doesn't bring up the cruise or say that she won't make it then ignore what the cousin said.  Right now it's an unconfirmed rumor.

greymonkey42

Have you already made the date in stone?  I'm not saying you should change it but I could understand why they would ask that if you haven't paid for a venue, photographer, or ect.  If they miss it than they miss it.

nicoleandersonmd

In Response to Re:Am I nuts? Wedding Date:[QUOTE]Not nuts. nbsp;We just had to push our wedding date back a week because a family conflict came up and would have put 2 of FI's brothers in a tough position. nbsp;No one ever asked us to change anything and were more than gracious when we did. nbsp;I'm happy we did but this was NOT because of a family cruise that could have easily been moved. nbsp;This was a conflict with their school schedules and our wedding is still 10 months out and it was still a bit of a challenge. nbsp;If someone had asked me to change things 4 months out because of a family vacation that isn't even scheduled yet? nbsp;I might have lost it... Posted by katye1489[/QUOTE]

Haha. Exactly this!
Now, admittedly, we did delay our wedding by 5 months for BASKETBALL season at the request of my family. Hahaha. However, that was FEB2012 and the date was not booked we had just picked a venue that had the November date we wanted. We were a little disapponted to wait until April, but my two neices play D1 college Bball, my SIL is a coach and my nephew is being scouted during his Senior year and I would not get married without them all there!!!!!!
But yours is a very odd request!!! The same cruise usually departs at least twice, but often 4 times in the same month!! Wondering why THAT date is the one Grandma is looking at?!! And asking you to move it when your date is booked and only a few months away?!?! So odd!