Bachelorette party - Bride's role

lauraandjosh040613

My MOH let me know 4 days ago that she was throwing a party for me this Thursday - dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. She then asked me if I could invite my bridesmaids. I asked them begrudgingly (I already had to invite people to my own bridal shower), and only 1 of the 3 I invited could go (the other 2 were the MOH and my future SIL, who helped a little with the planning). Then, I found out I'm expected to pay for myself. Money is tight as it is, and after having to do all of the invitations for 2 separate events, it made me frustrated. 

I sent a text to my future SIL and MOH asking if we were doing dinner since I needed to "keep a bit of a tight fist on $ right now." I was told that the plan was to meet at the restaurant, people can order what they want, and each pays for themselves. I know it was passive aggressive a bit, but I texted back and said, "Ok. Money's a bit tight for me right now, so I might just get something to drink." My bridesmaids know I don't drink alcohol, so that equals a pop or iced tea.

Am I wrong to be frustrated over these things - inviting people myself and paying for myself - and also the incredibly late notice for my bridesmaids (my future SIL asked if we needed to reschedule - I don't want to make that decision)? Is there a better way to handle the situation? It seems my own parties are becoming additional responsibilities/duties for me, and I have enough on my plate right now as it is. 

I've talked to the FSIL about it and she thinks I should contact my MOH and tell her I don't have the time or money to plan the party, but at this point it seems moot. My MOH wasn't even going to do a bachelorette party until the future SIL asked her directly on a FB message that included all the BMs and me if she was planning one.

Sorry this is so long - just needed to vent!

TheBaysideBride

I"m sorry, this is very frustrating. You have every reason to be annoyed. There are moments when a lot of brides think "i wish i had better BMs."

whatever you chose to do, I hope you have a fun time. I'm shaking my head as I type this!

AddieCake

I would decline this party. You shouldn't have to pay for your own dinner and shouldn't be in charge of inviting people. However, your FSIL also shouldn't have made your MOH feel like she needed to plan one by asking her about it on FB, either. 

Sephiroth

Just tell her it isn't going to work for you. If you go, you'll just spend money you can't afford and be seething about it. Better to not have a bachelorette than one that is this frustrating. Perhaps the other BMs will plan one that is more appropriate.

lauraandjosh040613

The bad thing is my MOH is like a sister, and her whole family is involved in the wedding. I don't want to create an uncomfortable situation. I've been talking to my FSIL about it, kind of hoping she might say something to the MOH or offer to help invite people or something. LOL - I know that's childish, but I don't have time or energy to want to start in on what could be a sticky situation. And unfortunately I told her I would do the party before I realized I was inviting people and paying for myself.

TheBaysideBride

Maybe you could just get together for dinner at one of your homes - that way it's easier on the wallet and less uncomfortable. If the goal is to spend time together, that might work. Maybe get take-out so no one has to cook, if that was the other reason for going out?

lauraandjosh040613

It's a thought... but how do I say that to the MOH? I know she can't host it - I was at her house Sunday and there's no room for people there.

I guess it's just frustrating too because FH and I made a point to have a special day with her 2 boys. One is an usher and one is a ring bearer, and we had the 2 boys over yesterday for almost 5 hours. We took them out to lunch (our treat, though MOH did offer to pay for their lunch) and went over to FH's house and played Wii all afternoon. I've been the opposite of a bridezilla - I let the BMs pick whatever dress they wanted (same color, though), am providing someone to do hair and nails even though I'm not requiring them to do it, bought a necklace or earrings for them (I let them choose which they wanted), and haven't asked them to do anything else. I don't want to have a sense of entitlement, but I guess I just hoped since I have tried to put a lot of effort into letting the girls enjoy the process, the same would be returned to me.

MuppetOverlord

I'm sorry they suck so much!

You shouldn't be paying for this. You shouldn't be planning this. I'd decline the Cheesecake Factory gathering and just say that you don't have the money....that's NOT throwing a party for you...that's embarrassing.

nda8414

I like PP's idea of switching venues for a dessert bach party instead of a dinner.  Or, maybe you could go to the Cheesecake factory for dessert instead of dinner.  OR when you get there, you could just say that you're really craving dessert and are just going to order a slice of cheesecake instead of dinner

Amyzen83

Euch! I must say that I feel like there are so many etiquette breaches going on it's not even funny. Don't worry nothing YOU did, it just sounds like you have a bridal party that has forgotten what a bach party and shower are! This is a celebration for the bride, not an added expense for her! If your friends are going to be soooo cheep that they aren't willing to cover the cost of your dinner plate, I'd suggest perhaps a simple evening at a person's house watching fun chick flicks, manicures and pedicures, and ordering a few large pizzas, that BRIDE SHOULD NOT PAY FOR! I'm sorry, but if my friends told me a fun idea for my bach party but then said I had to pay for it, I'd be like, I'm sorry that sounds like a lot of fun, but groom and I want to save whatever $$ is not going towards current expenses and wedding.

lauraandjosh040613

Thanks to everyone for the advice! It wound up working out in a strange way. I started feeling sick Sunday night and was diagnosed with sinusitis on Tuesday. Since I'm sick and want to get better and not give it to anyone else, I canceled Thursday's outing. My FSIL has since organized a party for me. All I know is to come hungry with no questions asked. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it all worked out, lol!