2 Maids of Honor?

soontobespitzer

So somewhere over a year ago I asked a long time friend to be my MOH and she said yes. Now I was not engaged at the time, so it was truly more theoretical (stupid of me, I know). I just got engaged a few months back and now while I don't mind giving her a higher place in the wedding than bridesmaid I really want another girl to be my MOH (if not for her and her hubby we wouldn't be getting married). Can I have two maids of honor? And if so, how would I tell the first girl that I want the other girl to actually stand next to me at the ceremony?

Summer2011Bride

You can have two MOHs. I would not bring up their "standing order" at all. At the actual rehearsal, you can figure that out. I wouldn't make a big deal of who is standing next to you though.

wadingmoose

Has your friendship with the original maid of honour deteriorated?  Would she be surprised that you wanted to replace her as MOH?

I don't think it really matters if you have one or two maids of honour.  Unless you're only having 2 or three people stand up for you.

Interesting situation, but I'll be honest.  When I was growing up, my neighbor and I used to play wedding all the time.  We lived on this big farm with a whole lot of flower beds so we'd pick ourselves some bouquets and make silly plans about weddings to guys we hadn't even met.  It's not the same situation, but when she did get married, I was not surprised that I wasn't in the wedding party even though our plans always involved being in each others weddings.  Our relationship just wasn't the same at that point.

Maggie0829

Just have two and in reality there is no difference between a MOH and a BM.  They all have the same requirements and that is to buy a dress.

stefwells23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-maids-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdd2d159-3bb4-404e-a2e5-e41af1d8b55aPost:ac509772-c613-4835-8628-60d764cbafb9">Re: 2 Maids of Honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister did this to me.  We were having a theoretical conversation because everyone knew it was a matter of time before her BF (husband now) was going to propose.  We were young and it was pre TK so I did not know how dumb it was to have the conversation at that point.  She told me that she would never consider having anyone else be her MOH and frankly I was surprised and flattered.  Fast forward about 5 months when he proposes and I find out at her engagement party when she announces her friend as her MOH that I'm not the MOH.  I was hurt and pissed.  Still am frankly.  As far as I was concerned nothing had changed between us.  I guess she felt differently.  Honestly I would either have two or stick with the friend you asked a year ago. 
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

Had something similar happen to me with my BF last year, except she asked me right after she got engaged and then a couple months later she posted her wedding website with her other friend (SIL) as her MOH. No warning, no reason .... flat out didn't tell me and never acknowledged it. I was pissed too, and frankly wasn't really into being BM after that.

I would keep her as MOH, and add your other friend as well if you feel that she deserve the title more. As other PP's stated, there isn't much difference between an MOH and BM. Whatever you choice to do, just be honest if the original MOH asks why you have the second one.

Katelyn89

Yea I wouldn't worry too much about having two MOH's. Just make sure you don't "kick one out". If you are only having 3 bridesmaids, I wouldn't have two MOH's. I would be hurt if I was the only BM.

tlc35

If one is married and the other is not you could have a Maid of Honor and a Matron or Honor.  Or you could stick to 2 MOH if not.  I definitely wouldn't un-ask someone.

WildMagelet

If you're still friends with the girl you asked first I would just have two to make things simpler.

kipnus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-maids-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdd2d159-3bb4-404e-a2e5-e41af1d8b55aPost:8a265f2a-f0b9-4873-bf2f-0a6f2c62fec9">Re: 2 Maids of Honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yea I wouldn't worry too much about having two MOH's. Just make sure you don't "kick one out". If you are only having 3 bridesmaids, I wouldn't have two MOH's. I would be hurt if I was the only BM.
Posted by Katelyn89[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this. And for the standing order, maybe you could base it on height or last name, so that nobody gets offended at not being closest to you.</div>

DreamCLG7

are either married? you could have a maid and matron

4n6chick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-maids-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdd2d159-3bb4-404e-a2e5-e41af1d8b55aPost:8a265f2a-f0b9-4873-bf2f-0a6f2c62fec9">Re: 2 Maids of Honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yea I wouldn't worry too much about having two MOH's. Just make sure you don't "kick one out". If you are only having 3 bridesmaids, I wouldn't have two MOH's. I would be hurt if I was the only BM.
Posted by Katelyn89[/QUOTE]

<div>I unintentionally did this - I asked one friend to be Maid of Honor, another to be Matron of Honor, and the third as bridesmaid.  In my defense, I had asked a fourth person to be a bridesmaid (after I'd asked the two MOHs) and she said no.  Still, I wish that I'd either just had one MOH or no MOH.  There ended up being unnecessary issues (due to one of the MOHs who was a total drama queen).</div><div>
</div><div>I stilll feel badly about the solo bridesmaid, because I know she felt less 'special', though we talked about it and I think she understood it.</div>

soontobespitzer

Thanks for all the tips guys! I actually didn't think about it, one of them is married (just got married this month) so I could ask her to be Matron of Honor! I certainly will not kick out the first girl I talked with, she can still be Maid of Honor, I don't want to hurt her feelings and demoting her to BM even if there is no difference would probably hurt her since she is already planning on being MOH. I have 4 girls in my bridal party (they all know they are going to be in the wedding) and they are all doing alot for my wedding so I don't think of being a BM as a bad part, just it seems like an insult to the second girl since she and her husband have had such an impact on us. Your tips all really helped, I will have one Maid of Honor and one Matron of Honor, then it won't be so weird. Thanks!!