Invite/Registry Etiquette

SallyD123

 I just received a wedding invite in the mail that included two small registry inserts. There was already a link to the wedding website (where the registry is listed) included. I'm not old-fashioned, I know things are constantly changing in the wedding world but I found the inserts incredibly tacky. 

 After looking at the registries, I'm even more grossed out. The items listed are ridiculously expensive for a couple that have owned a house together for some time now.  I know this is 99% the work of the bride and she is definitely a bridezilla but I am very fond of the groom and don't want to punish him for her gimme gimme gimme attitude. 

Am I a jerk for straying from the registry?

 

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteregistry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdf56a6d-539c-4e6a-8c7a-7227722af28aPost:bdd4a3b7-b83c-41fd-9784-6227e384d53d">Invite/Registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE] Am I a jerk for straying from the registry?  
Posted by SallyD123[/QUOTE]

Nope. If the registry is too expensive, it is fine to get them something else. Plus, the registry is just to help, not limit guests. But the couple might (incorrectly) have hurt feelings, since it sounds like they are tacky already.

GeauxTigers17

I hate those inserts. I think it's as tacky as putting it directly on the invitation. 

Registries are a suggestion, not a requirement. What you give them is entirely up to your discretion. 

mica178

Registries are suggestions.  Guests should never feel compelled to buy off them.

H was once invited to a wedding where the cheapest registry item was a sterling silver teaspoon that was $100.  You'd better believe he didn't buy anything from their registry. 

I agree with you that registry inserts in wedding invitations are tacky.

Mrs.B6302007

Buying off the registry isn't an obligation.  Give what you can afford.


Like an etiquette book.  ;-)

aragx6

Inserts are tack-tastic. And you never have buy anything from the registry.

That said, I don't judge couples who register for nice things just because they've been living together -- as long as (and this seems to be the sticking point with your "friends") there are gifts at every price point.

SallyD123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteregistry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdf56a6d-539c-4e6a-8c7a-7227722af28aPost:b8a3c305-737c-44f9-8321-3352d5e0ab90">Re: Invite/Registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]  Give what you can afford. <strong>Like an etiquette book</strong>.  ;-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>HA. Perfect.</div>

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteregistry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdf56a6d-539c-4e6a-8c7a-7227722af28aPost:b8a3c305-737c-44f9-8321-3352d5e0ab90">Re: Invite/Registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Buying off the registry isn't an obligation.  Give what you can afford. Like an etiquette book.  ;-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div>I like this idea.</div>

StacyJenniges

I have a different opinion, than the popular opnion.  In my family inserts are prefered, everyone wants to know where you are registared and we don't make a wedding website.   I have also found that Etiquette is different by location as well.  I do think it's horrible however to only registar for expensive gifts. many people want to buy off the registry so that they know that the couple wants the gift they are giving.  You do not have to buy off the registry and if I were you I probably wouldn't.

Mrs.B6302007

Stacy, we weren't sharing our opinions concerning the ick factor of registry info in the invites. Etiquette states that you don't mention gifts on invitations to weddings.  And etiquette doesn't vary by area.  What people do varies but what they do might still go against etiquette.

StacyJenniges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteregistry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdf56a6d-539c-4e6a-8c7a-7227722af28aPost:7a981234-b9b2-47a5-8a83-564a70f86917">Re: Invite/Registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Stacy, we weren't sharing our opinions concerning the ick factor of registry info in the invites. Etiquette states that you don't mention gifts on invitations to weddings.  And etiquette doesn't vary by area.  What people do varies but what they do might still go against etiquette.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I was going to respond to this but it's not worth it.  I was giving her a differnt view point and I will leave it at that. 

Mrs.B6302007

No need to get snippy.  I was simply clarifying that while the suggestions of what to purchase as a gift were opinions, the fact that the inserts are rude has nothing to do with our opinions.  I've seen you around a lot lately and frankly, some of your replies are way off base regarding etiquette.  Seeing as how not  all of your posts have been on the etiquette board, nothing needed to be said. However, if you're going to give advice on the etiquette board, the advice needs to be sound in etiquette.

StacyJenniges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteregistry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdf56a6d-539c-4e6a-8c7a-7227722af28aPost:fe2dc980-a2a8-45c0-9185-17801af46450">Re: Invite/Registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]No need to get snippy.  I was simply clarifying that while the suggestions of what to purchase as a gift were opinions, the fact that the inserts are rude has nothing to do with our opinions.  I've seen you around a lot lately and frankly, some of your replies are way off base regarding etiquette.  Seeing as how not  all of your posts have been on the etiquette board, nothing needed to be said. However, if you're going to give advice on the etiquette board, the advice needs to be sound in etiquette.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

i wasn't trying to be snippy but I do see that it sounded snippy and i am sorry for that.  But you actually have made me feel very unwelcome, I give some of my opinions so that if other brides are like me in planning and realize that we pretty much have to through the Etiquette book out the window because in our cirles and from what what i see on some of my local boards that in my area these "Etiquettes" are not used.  If the OP doesn't like my opinion or advise then they do not have to use them.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteregistry-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cdf56a6d-539c-4e6a-8c7a-7227722af28aPost:89fc8b98-123f-45ef-a50d-0124b76fe40e">Re: Invite/Registry Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Registry Etiquette : i wasn't trying to be snippy but I do see that it sounded snippy and i am sorry for that.  But you actually have made me feel very unwelcome, I give some of my opinions so that if other brides are like me in planning and realize that we pretty much have to through the Etiquette book out the window because in our cirles and from what what i see on some of my local boards that in my area these "Etiquettes" are not used.  If the OP doesn't like my opinion or advise then they do not have to use them.
Posted by StacyJenniges[/QUOTE]
My intention was not to make you feel unwelcome and I apologize if that's how it came across.  My point, which you seem to be missing, is that this is the ETIQUETTE board and "throwing the etiquette book out the window" is not going to be encouraged.  Anyone who says that is going to get called out on it.