Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Singled Out on Dress Choice

I was asked to be a bridesmaid and went dress shopping with the bridal party. Originally the bride wanted us all in the same dress, and we found it. The next day she called and said she had changed her mind, and that we could pick out any of the dresses we tried on. She then asked me my favorite, and when I told her she said besides that one, which one would I pick? The other bridesmaids didn't get a dress voted off, and that makes me feel singled out. Is it alright if I ask the bride if I can get the dress I like the best? I don't want to be a whiner, and I don't want to ruffle her feathers, but I don't know what the problem is! If there was something she didn't like about it, I would be willing to look into alterations, etc.

Re: Singled Out on Dress Choice

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    I would just ask her why she doesn't like the one you chose.  Maybe it is some issue that can be easily resolved with communication.
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    I agree with PP, ask her what she didn't like about the dress, and why she nixed it. She is your friend, so just talk to her, and I bet the problem can be resolved.

    Maybe another BM already chose that dress, maybe its not the right length/color,etc. I doubt she nixed it to hurt your feelings, but finding out from her is the best solution.
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    Yeah, ask her why, under the guise of not wanting to choose another dress that has the same problem. Then you'll have a better idea of what to do.
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    edited July 2010
    I got a little from the bride, in passing. It sounds like she's worried about the dress I like being a little too low cut. It's this dress: Style 84066
    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Strapless-Ballgown-with-Sweetheart-Neckline-84066_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

    The one she said I could wear was this one: Style F13573
    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Satin-A-line-with-Pleated-Chiffon-Bodice-F13573_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

    I remember another issue was that she didn't want people pulling their dresses up durring the ceremony because we got strapless dresses. The problem with the chiffon bodice dress is that it has boning, and I feel I need to pull that one up, more than the sweetheart neckline. I'll talk to the lady at the bridal shop and see what can be done and confer with the bride. I'll have an actual "why not this one" conversation before I do anything. Any advice on how to go about it would be helpful! Thanks!
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    I don't see the first dress being more low cut. The 2 dresses are very similar. You know the bride prefers the second dress. Why do you want to insist on the other dress? The bride seems to think that the 1st dress would have more pulling up.
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    Too low cut? Are you big chested or is she insane? Honestly, they're similar and you're probably not purchasing a wear-again dress, here. I'd just suck it up and buy the one she likes if she doesn't share a reason for nixing your pick.
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    As long as your planning on getting it altered to fit you, you won't have to pull it up at all.  You'll be pulling up any strapless dress, whether it has boning or not, if it doesn't fit properly.  I'd talk to her and try to work out what her issue is with the dress.  I'm sure there is a solution out there that both of you will be happy with.
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    I see the bride's point about the first dress being low-cut. If you are busty a sweetheart neckline would show more cleavage.  I have a large bust and the first dress would be way more revealing than the second on me.

    Honestly, if she doesn't seem receptive to talking about it I would just go with what she wants. It would probably save a lot of drama neither of you want/need.  It stinks but I think by giving in to her would make you a super supportive bridesmaid.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_singled-out-dress-choice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ce22f5d3-d290-4bf7-94e9-e5fd168bff48Post:09a10fb8-5213-483b-ae8e-6d90cbf59bb6">Re: Singled Out on Dress Choice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Too low cut? Are you big chested or is she insane? Honestly, they're similar and you're probably not purchasing a wear-again dress, here. I'd just suck it up and buy the one she likes if she doesn't share a reason for nixing your pick.
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    This.  Or ask if you can add straps if you don't like boning/are concerned you'll be pulling it up, etc.
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    kmabjokmabjo member
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    Just talk to her about it. Honestly, unless there is a "too much skin issue" in the church or it is not tea length if it is supposed to be, you should be able to buy what you want. your money.

    i would talk to her  and see the reason why.
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    It doesn't seem like you can really wear either dress again and they are so similar, if it was me, I'd jsut buy the one the bride wants you to get.  She might have a reason, but is it worth having an awkward conversation about it?  And the second dress is $10 cheaper.  I'd just go with the flow and wear what the bride wants.
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