Wedding Etiquette Forum

Parents meeting- not possible

Has anyone else been in the situation where the parents aren't able to meet?

My fiance is from Morocco and his parents still live there. My parents live in a small town in NY and really hate the idea of flying over an ocean and really don't feel safe visiting there. His parents can't come to the US until he becomes a citizen, which will be in about 6 months time. But where my FI and I live is about 8 hours away from my parents so having his parents fly over and then drive to visit my family would be a long distance for his family. And same for my family, they would have to drive 8 hours to catch a flight that goes to Morocco. Is this really awful if our parents never meet? We're planning a vacation to visit his parents in january of next year. This will also be the first time I will be meeting his parents.

Also, is it okay if we get married in the US but only have a small party back in Morocco for FI's family? or should we have a small ceremony there too?

We just got engaged this past weekend, 3/18. He completely surprised me and I had no idea! 

Re: Parents meeting- not possible

  • It'll be fine if they don't meet before the wedding.  If it bothers your parents - can you set them up to meet over Skype?

    If you choose to have a party in Morocco, you should not also have a ceremony - you only have one wedding ceremony.
  • #1 - It's fine if your parents don't get to meet until after the wedding.  One of my friends married a man from the Middle East and they had similar travel issues to what you're describing.  The parents didn't meet until the actual wedding (her FI got citizenship slightly before the wedding, which is, I think, what enabled his parents to travel in for the wedding).  Don't make yourself crazy trying to coordinate international trips for people - if it doesn't line up, it doesn't line up.

    #2 - It's fine to only have a small party in Morocco for FI's family.  Personally, I'd skip the second ceremony - it would be weird to me to have a second wedding ceremony (which, frankly, would be fake since you'd already be married at that point, unless you just do a vow renewal, but again that's kind of weird since I don't get needing to renew your vows like a week or a month later, KWIM?).

    #3 - Congratulations on your engagement!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-meeting-not-possible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf25bfa7-13eb-4cc2-aa32-13c9d9a9fdeaPost:eb8ca5bb-2cd9-46ab-8c31-48ffd98cc123">Re: Parents meeting- not possible</a>:
    [QUOTE]It'll be fine if they don't meet before the wedding.  If it bothers your parents - can you set them up to meet over Skype? If you choose to have a party in Morocco, you should not also have a ceremony - you only have one wedding ceremony.
    Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

    <div>The skype idea sounds very possible! And I will most likely skip the second ceremony, I never thought of it like that! and will probably just have a small party with his family.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-meeting-not-possible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf25bfa7-13eb-4cc2-aa32-13c9d9a9fdeaPost:4d0c07f3-680c-4beb-990d-5dbc2fb648b4">Re: Parents meeting- not possible</a>:
    [QUOTE]#1 - It's fine if your parents don't get to meet until after the wedding.  One of my friends married a man from the Middle East and they had similar travel issues to what you're describing.  The parents didn't meet until the actual wedding (her FI got citizenship slightly before the wedding, which is, I think, what enabled his parents to travel in for the wedding).  Don't make yourself crazy trying to coordinate international trips for people - if it doesn't line up, it doesn't line up. #2 - It's fine to only have a small party in Morocco for FI's family.  Personally, I'd skip the second ceremony - it would be weird to me to have a second wedding ceremony (which, frankly, would be fake since you'd already be married at that point, unless you just do a vow renewal, but again that's kind of weird since I don't get needing to renew your vows like a week or a month later, KWIM?). #3 - Congratulations on your engagement!
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>LOL I guess it would be really odd having a second ceremony. </div><div>
    </div><div>Would it be weird if I pulled in some of his cultural elements from Moroccan weddings into the small reception? I'm not sure what these would be since I've only seen a few photos of his brothers weddings and not sure what its all about and my FI isn't great at explaining things like that.

    </div>
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-meeting-not-possible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf25bfa7-13eb-4cc2-aa32-13c9d9a9fdeaPost:21a1dd93-a332-4193-afe6-75d040849c69">Re: Parents meeting- not possible</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents meeting- not possible : LOL I guess it would be really odd having a second ceremony.  <strong>Would it be weird if I pulled in some of his cultural elements from Moroccan weddings into the small reception?</strong> I'm not sure what these would be since I've only seen a few photos of his brothers weddings and not sure what its all about and my FI isn't great at explaining things like that.
    Posted by snow12[/QUOTE]

    Nope, it would be expected, I would think.  If you can Skype with your FMIL, maybe she would have some suggestions on how to do this?

    ETA:  With my friend who married the guy from the Middle East, they talked together about what from his culture was most important to him - turned out it was the food, so they hired a caterer who specialized in food from his country for the cocktail hour, then had a more traditionally American meal for the reception.
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  • snow12snow12 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2012
    I know Moroccans have wonderful food... tagines, couscous so I would love to possibly incorporate this into the wedding, but we are most likely having a beach/destination wedding so I'm not sure how that would work. Also I know that henna is a big thing for the bride to get done, would this we weird or is it even possible to incorporate this (a beach themed wedding with moroccan twist)? LOL I doubt there are any henna artists in the caribbean, or maybe there are... 
  • Our parents met at the wedding.

    All was well!
  • It's fine if your parents don't meet until the wedding.  Skype is a great idea if you can work it out.

    Don't assume something won't be available.  I'm sure wherever you get married will have a coordinator who handles all of their destination weddings who will be very familiar with the area and different services available.  Make sure you ask about the henna.  I've always thought that was very beautiful. 

    Congratulations!
  • I just want to add that while you only have one "legal" wedding ceremony, if you are from different faiths, then there may be religious elements that are important to him that you want to do while you're in Morrocco.   I'm not a fan of the "two wedding" deal AT ALL, but I do recognize that people from different cultures/faiths who have family in two different countries may want to encorporate different elements into different ceremonies.   I think people would completely understand wanting to do traditional elements of a Morroccan wedding while you're there with his family -- just make sure that people know that you are already married in America.


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  • ceh789ceh789 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-meeting-not-possible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf25bfa7-13eb-4cc2-aa32-13c9d9a9fdeaPost:e9207eda-5ec6-4273-b2f2-3b54dd6d2a85">Re: Parents meeting- not possible</a>:
    [QUOTE]LOL I doubt there are any henna artists in the caribbean, or maybe there are... 
    Posted by snow12[/QUOTE]
    There are nearly as many henna artists in some port cities as there are hair braiders - I'm positive you can find someone if you look, you may need a local guide/assistant though as that kind of service is more likely to be a street vendor than have a website etc.
  • If his parents are flying from Morocco, I don't see why your parents can't drive to your house to meet them. Is 8 hours of driving inconvenient? Yes. So is flying internationally.

    That said, there are no rules about when they have to meet. My parents and my in-laws met during our wedding weekend. NBD.
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  • As for two different faiths, we are both of the same faith, its more of a cultural thing. And I will look into more of the henna once we pick a date and destination!

    It is possible for his family to fly here and my parents to drive down, but it probably wont happen until after the wedding. He comes from a family where they aren't very well off. He has two younger brother still at home. So expense wise we'll have to pay for there flight over here and back for all four members of his family (his parents and his two younger sibilings) so we're looking at about $4,000 for just flights. Yikes for our wallets. so its not just about the traveling inconvenience.

    We'll spend about the same traveling there too - but we just will be paying for our flights.. the rest will go to treating his family. its customary to treat your family as if it is there vacation along with yours... so bringing them shopping, out to dinner and local activities is a must and will be expensive also since he has a huge immediate family...

    Its also hard because his family doesn't speak any english. and my family doesn't speak arabic or french. so there is a definite language barrier. I speak some arabic and some french, all which I have learned on my own.
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