Asking for help from fellow BMs

Mandi655

The bride of a wedding I am in has assumed, along with her family, that I am going to throw her a shower. Her mother has been taking it upon herself to plan a good majority of it, which you would assume is lovely, except she has ultimately done what she wants and left the rest for me. It has turned into an affair that is way out of my budget and not what I would have done myself.

Her cousin, who is also a MOH, wants to have a lunch with the other bridesmaids and ask them if they will help out. I'm not sure how I feel about this, and how/if there is a right way to go about doing so. Any ideas or suggestions?

VeggieLove1022

Tell her mom that you're so sorry, but your budget is a little tight right now and you can only offer x amount of dollars. Don't be pressured into anything you don't want/can't afford to do. If you don't want to do the shower tell her that you don't think you'll have the time to put into it and maybe she should just take over the whole thing. Hopefully she gets the hint. And for the lunch thing, I wouldn't want to go because it would look like you two are ganging up on the rest of the BMs to pressure them in to dishing out the money. I would have plans that day and not be apart of that ordeal at all.

graysquirrel

It is really bad form to force a shower or any kind of party on anyone. Those parties are gifts, not obligations. If you want to plan a shower, that is wonderful, but you should not be told what you are giving and how much to spend-- that is very rude. I agree with pp that you should talk to the mom. Explain to her what your budget is (if you are agreeing to host). Anything else that she wants should be her financial burden.

I would also say to nix the luncheon. I would instead let the BMs know informally that there will be a party on X date and that if they would like to help out or contribute, to let you know but that it is up to them. Throwing/paying for parties isn't a duty of a BM-- it is a present that people willingly give.