NWR: FI/H watching porn?

golden1215

TK always seem to re-route me to TN at random times and today I noticed the link about men watching porn.  There was some heated back and forth between the comments... what does E think?

Does your guy watch porn?  Do you care?

link to TN: http://ideas.thenest.com/love-and-sex-advice/my-married-life/blogs/my-married-life-womans-perspective-on-porn.aspx

tenofcups4me

I voted never because to the best of my knowledge, he never does. But I wouldn't care if he did on occasion. Hell, I watch on occasion.

Bubbalub

I totally don't care if he does or not.

FutureMrsTR

I have no idea.  I don't think he does, but I guess I don't know what he does when I'm not around.

Honestly?  Yeah, it would bother me if he was watching it without me (I guess we could discuss watching it together).  You can call me insecure or immature or controlling or whatever, but I don't have to like the idea of my husband looking at other women that way.  I don't consider it cheating, though, as some women in the comments did.

Would I confront him or leave him over it?  No, not unless it was excessive and interfering with our marriage in some way.

slubkin

I know FI used to watch a lot.  We don't watch it together, and he occasionally jokes about it but I don't think he does anymore, or if he does, it's not that often.

brookelynpaisley

He doesn't watch, but I wouldn't care. I actually kinda wish he/we would.

heartxsongs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:6f052c2d-a61d-4430-ab91-17fac54b45b9">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no idea.  I don't think he does, but I guess I don't know what he does when I'm not around. Honestly?  Yeah, it would bother me if he was watching it without me (I guess we could discuss watching it together).  You can call me insecure or immature or controlling or whatever, but I don't have to like the idea of my husband looking at other women that way.  I don't consider it cheating, though, as some women in the comments did. Would I confront him or leave him over it?  No, not unless it was excessive and interfering with our marriage in some way.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

This pretty much explains exactly how I feel about it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:94c548d9-cda8-42df-880d-2db73bb1a81e">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]I voted never because to the best of my knowledge, he never does. But I wouldn't care if he did on occasion. Hell, I watch on occasion.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

This.

golden1215

I put somtimes but I could have put I dont care.  As long as he still wants me, I don't mind what he looks at.  We even have a subscription to playboy- so I'm def fine w/ him looking at naked ladies.

[Deleted User]

No. He used to occassionally when we were in a LTD before we were engaged.

We had this discussion before we got married, and although he has told me it can be used as a learning tool, etc. he knows I will not tolerate it one bit. I do not like it and it will never be in my house.

akhensley81

Confession time for AK: My ex-FI was a porn addict. ADDICT. Like thousands of dollars worth of stuff that he kept hidden from me. Once I figured it out, it turned me in to a crazy woman - checking his cell phone records, running tracking programs on the computer, blocking 900 numbers from our phones. It was not cool. And it led to the end of that relationship.

Early on in our relationship, I told H about that experience. He owns some porn and I know he watches it sometimes. But the keyword there is: Sometimes. And he doesn't hide it or lie about it. So I'm OK with it.

georgia_bride09

He only ever watches it with me. And no, I don't care. The day I'm jealous of people on TV is the day I need an attitude adjustment.

[Deleted User]

FI watches it. Whatever. We don't watch together; it's just not my thing. As long as it doesn't interfere with our relationship or sexual relationship, it doesn't  bother me.

Nebb

Im curious if anyone has an issue with their FI/H just jerking it while imagining things, is that ok? Is it ok if he jerks off at all? or is it JUST looking at naked ladies (and to be honest, theres a lot of diick in his line of sight too) that bothers you?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I'm really surprised at how many people in the poll think their men don't watch porn. 

I know FI views porn from time to time - it doesn't bother me too much, as it doesn't interfere with our relationship at all.  I don't think he'll be watching it as often when we're married, but then again, who knows.  I am not really a big fan of porn - I feel like it gives people unrealistic expectations about sex.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:6e037e8c-3fde-4d43-ab64-c6e0297849b5">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn? : um wow we have a lot in common.  Except it wasn't an ex-fi but pretty close.  As far as H goes...he would have to look at a lot of porn for me to care about it. I don't like porn from a feminist perspective though.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

I'm sure we aren't the only ones! And the porn part doesn't bother me (although ex was pretty excessive) as much as the lying part did. And flat out lying to my face when I would ask him questions about it, that I already knew the answer to. That part was what ended up ruining the relationship.

H has some movies, and I know he has a whole plastic tub full of magazines that goes up north with him & the guys for deer camp every year. I don't particularly care for it (I just think it's horrible taste), but as long as it's not insane I'm OK with it.
H was, however, completely blown away that I did a boudoir book for him. It was the last thing he expected. Hehe. But that was kind of why I did it.


ETA: "insane" for me is defined as the thousands and thousands of dollars ex spent on it, as I mentioned above.

sarah0725

Yes, a lot. And it's somewhat untraditional. And it's free, because he says the stuff on the pay sites isn't as good. And it doesn't bother me. I mean, I spend half my day on the Knot.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:e36ad05d-38cf-4316-81f3-b2ecbdfafd92">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn? : I'm sure we aren't the only ones! And the porn part doesn't bother me (although ex was pretty excessive) as much as the lying part did. And flat out lying to my face when I would ask him questions about it, that I already knew the answer to. That part was what ended up ruining the relationship. <strong>H has some movies, and I know he has a whole plastic tub full of magazines that goes up north with him & the guys for deer camp every year.</strong> I don't particularly care for it (I just think it's horrible taste), but as long as it's not insane I'm OK with it. H was, however, completely blown away that I did a boudoir book for him. It was the last thing he expected. Hehe. But that was kind of why I did it.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]
That seems bizarre to me.

golden1215

AK- circle jerk???

akhensley81

Funny side story for you girls about that tub of porn...

When we were moving a few years ago, H had to work on the day of the big move so our families and friends came over to help me get everything out of our old apartment and in to the new one.

H pointed out to me which tub was The One, and asked me to make sure that either I or his step dad ended up moving that one. Well, his step dad moved it down the stairs in to the truck, where MY dad was getting everything stacked up. Somehow in the transition from his step dad to my dad, the lid came off of the tub.

I was upstairs, three stories above them, with the windows open.... and I hear my dad's voice from downstairs, "Ooooh!! It's GIRLY magazines!!!!"

Oy.

ETA: And yes, I'm well aware that someone is going to flame me for TMI'ing again. I'm almost getting used to it.

Nebb

I came home early from work and caught my husband in the act (and that was when we lived in an apartment so his computer desk was right near the door) and it was probably one of the funniest things of my life seeing him scramble around and pretend that WASNT what he was doing.

[Deleted User]

I voted never because to my knowledge, he doesn't. I'm sure if it was in front of him he would, for sure, but I doubt he's hiding any magazines or movies from me. And he hates being on the computer so I doubt he's looking when I'm not home. He won't even check his email, he has me do it. With his work schedule, all he does is work, eat, and sleep so I have no idea when he'd manage to work porn into all of that.

But regardless, I agree with TR regarding how I feel about it.

SarahPLiz

He does, I don't. Whatever works for him is fine with me. He certainly has no idea what goes on in MY head 24/7. 

Birdie1483

If FI watches it, he does it on his own time without me knowing. Like when he masturbates. I'm not trying to say I'm in denial, but I've lived with him for two years and I don't know if he's slick enough to remember to hide the DVD if he watched it while I was away. I've never found it on our computer. I know he has a few DVDs stashed somewhere from the time he was in college. I'm sure he's watched it when his friends get together.

It wouldn't bother me if he was watching it when I was away though. If he wants to watch an up close shot of some other guys diick poking an unrealistic vagina, I say have at it. I grew up knowing exactly where my dad's huge Playboy stash was and I think looking at tons of Playboys from the 60's and 70's could be more scarring than a current porno. At least women shave now...

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:b46d20e0-30f7-4ee6-b1b4-7ede1fb2ecef">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kind of with AATB.... either you girls are married to eunics or in denial.  Or you're all so amazingly awesome in bed thatyour man never has any need, whatsoever, to ever think about anything other than you............. hmmmm
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

Are you responding to the ladies who say their BF/FI/H's never ever look at porn or the girls who don't like it or what?  Because this comes off as really condescending and snotty to me. 

I don't know that anyone is claiming to be the be all and end all of sex for their husband, but I will not be ashamed about the fact that I don't enjoy thinking about my husband thinking about another woman in that way. 

golden1215

It was to the girls who had a problem w/ their guy doing it.  If he doesnt have the time, thats one thing- I think we can all agree you need time to set aside to actually seek out porn.  Or to the girls who said never because they arent sure/dont think he does- thats fine.

But to me, a man who never EVER looks at anything sexual involving a woman other than his SO is rare.  So rare in fact that I'd think him to be not normal.

And no, women's minds dont work the same so I'm not surprised by women who dont look at porn but by men, yes, I am surprised.

I dont think that nearly half of all men of women on this board dont EVER look at porn- which is what the poll responses would have you believe.

alainn15

Porn, not a big deal. I have found it in my computer before. If you don't like tmi stop reading. lol. I watched what he watched. It kinda weirded me out because the girl kinda looked like me. Same type of glasses, body type, hair color. I had a friend watch it and she agreed. So I know he does watch, but it doesn't bother me.

Strip clubs are a whole other story. I don't want to get into that discussion.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:69a980c9-7664-43c2-ba2e-845b614177f7">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]We don't discuss it, but I'm sure he looks at it on the internet from time to time. I couldn't care less. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

This.

shoegal715

I'm pretty sure all men look at porn, and those that tell their wives they don't probably do it the most.

Masturbation is great. It would be stupid for me to be angry at FH for having one on one time... I don't care where he gets his appetite, just as long as he comes home for dinner : )

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-fih-watching-porn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf3fd48c-454c-478b-8f07-f5f9a4075e4ePost:1ae3bc21-c528-4b20-980b-1e953d3a2162">Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn?</a>:
[QUOTE]It was to the girls who had a problem w/ their guy doing it.  If he doesnt have the time, thats one thing- I think we can all agree you need time to set aside to actually seek out porn.  Or to the girls who said never because they arent sure/dont think he does- thats fine. But to me, a man who never EVER looks at anything sexual involving a woman other than his SO is rare.  So rare in fact that I'd think him to be not normal. And no, women's minds dont work the same so I'm not surprised by women who dont look at porn but by men, yes, I am surprised. I dont think that nearly half of all men of women on this board dont EVER look at porn-<strong> which is what the poll responses would have you believe.</strong>
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

See, I don't think you gave the best options to choose from. I chose "never ever" but I didn't really have a good choice to choose from. I wouldn't say that he "never ever" HAS watched porn, but I honestly dont think he does without there being some reason to do so other than just being bored and wanting to jack off by himself. There wasn't an option that said "not in our house, but does with friends during their camping trips or when they're having poker night i'm sure" or "has in the past, but doesn't much if ever anymore" or "only on the rare occasions that he or a friend finds something funny on the internet to look at."

Looking at some type of porn on the rare occasion like being at a party where the guys are like "hey! put in a porn!" or a friend saw something funny to look at online is different than watching it on a regular or semi-regular basis. And I don't think it's fair to say that we're being naive or are in denial when we say that we live with our men, we know their routines, we know them better than anyone else, and no we don't think they watch porn by themselves when we're not in the house.

And like I said before, I wouldn't care if he did watch it. I'd honestly be like, why didn't you ask me if I wanted to watch too? I just don't think he does.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FI/H watching porn? : Are you responding to the ladies who say their BF/FI/H's never ever look at porn or the girls who don't like it or what?  Because this comes off as really condescending and snotty to me.  I don't know that anyone is claiming to be the be all and end all of sex for their husband, <strong>but I will not be ashamed about the fact that I don't enjoy thinking about my husband thinking about another woman in that way. </strong>
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]
I agree completely - and yeah Golden, your tone was really condescending.

FI knows how I feel about porn and so I <strong>trust</strong> that he doesn't look at it. Can I be absolutely, definitively sure? Not without snooping... which would make me insecure, wouldn't it.