What do you think of this?

mamahappy

We are invited to a family wedding and apparently there are two receptions...one right after the wedding with food and all the normal reception stuff. There is a 2nd "dessert only" reception several hours after the wedding with no food and just cake. We are invited to the 2nd reception and not the first.

Is it just me, or is this really strange?  I have never heard of this and honestly I feel a bit perturbed by the whole thing.  The wedding is at 1:00 and our reception isn't until 6:00.  Which means we will have several hours to kill and it will be hot as he**.  And what are we supposed to do for food?

Oh, and I recently attended the bridal shower which makes the whole thing that much more irritating.

wadingmoose

Tiered reception fail.

I've been invited to things like that and typically we'd just find a restaurant with the other second class invitees and go have a few drinks and some food to kill the time. 

OliveOilsMom

This is called a tiered reception and its rude.  If I were you, I would decline all together.  Basically the B&G are saying you are good enough to come and give them a gift, but not for them to feed you dinner.

aragx6

Super rude. I wouldn't go.

mamahappy

Thanks.

Seriously, how hard is it just to have a normal ceremoney and reception like most people do?  It's like people go out of their way to be rude and tacky.  The other thing that bothers me is we are driving 8 hours for this wedding.  It's not like we can chill at home for awhile.

Summer2011Bride

Yeah I would not drive 8 hours each way to be considered a second-rate guest. No way. I'd decline the whole thing.

[Deleted User]

There is no way I would attend a wedding like that, on principle. I certainly wouldn't drive 8 hours for it. I also wouldn't send a gift.

wadingmoose

I would base my attendance on relationship to the couple and distance traveled.  I wouldn't attend if I had to drive 8 hours.  If it was in my city, I'd consider it.

It happened more often when I was younger and had friends whose parents were paying for the whole wedding.  Often the parents were only willing to pay for supper for so many people - usually family/close friends of the parents.  So I've attended weddings like this, but I didn't give as much of a gift as if I'd been in the VIP tier, but I went becuase of my relationship to the couple.

Would I attend something like that now, at my age, with friends who should be paying for their own wedding?  No.

Maggie0829

I would decline completely.

Apparently the couple don't care about you nearly as much to spend money to feed you dinner AND dessert.  They only save the dinner for the special guests.

mamahappy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-you-think-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf72c512-9daf-4a5a-a2ba-3cc8eba98fd1Post:b827786d-abb3-40f3-9d2f-cf072aa3541d">Re: What do you think of this?</a>:
[QUOTE]How did you find out about the first reception?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I heard about it through word of mouth and it is also clearly spelled out on the couple's wedding page.

RebeccaB88

I'd accept that as a virtual slap in the face, by my own family.  Not only would I not attend, but I wouldn't make any effort to maintain the relationship either.  They've made it perfectly clear how they feel about you. 

I'm also curious as to how you found out about the other reception.  And how many people (and whom) is so much more important to them than you are.

I think some people think 'oh, the family will understand'.  Um, no. The fact that it's family just makes it hurt all the more.

Mrs.B6302007

Agree with all the others.

Plus, the 2nd dessert only reception is at 6 pm?  Am I reading that right?  That's doubly rude because that's dinner time.

Mrs.B6302007

You would have to drive 8 hours and they're doing this to you?  That's terrible!  Not that tiered receptions are okay but for heaven's sake, if you're going to tier, tier the locals, not  your OOT guests.

Lizzieyounce

I wouldn't attend. Nor would I send a gift.

bmiller1128

I would say if the wedding was close then sweet free dessert!...but 8 hours and that's all you get. That's absolutley ridiculous and a waste of gas.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-you-think-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf72c512-9daf-4a5a-a2ba-3cc8eba98fd1Post:32e4bdb0-43c9-4d5e-b881-92225f95fbb2">Re: What do you think of this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would say if the wedding was close then sweet free dessert!...but 8 hours and that's all you get. That's absolutley ridiculous and a waste of gas.
Posted by bmiller1128[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing. :) I loves me some dessert. But if the wedding was close and I decided to attend this second-string reception, I'm not certain I'd bring more than a card.

amorg334

It is rude.  If you can not afford to feed everyone dinner do not even bother to invite them to the wedding.  Tiered receptions basically mean "you are are good enough to get a gift out of but not good enough to feed you"