This got me thinking...

MeaghanandMichael

re: Sucrets' post below

What IS IT about weddings that lends to a ridiculous sense of entitlement. Obviously, we see it nonstop. What makes most of the ladies on this board different?

I am the first to admit I caught myself being a brat about cone or two aspects of my wedding and I was pretty ashamed when I got called out on it. I don't consider myself a normally entitled person, but the bug bit me too. Were you ever a brat at one point?

louisvillebride21

Only when I felt that I wasn't getting ANYTHING that I wanted. I didn't turn biitchy, but I did have a full nuclear meltdown because absolutly nothing was going my way. I did feel 'entitled' to one or two things on my own wedding day.

aMrsin09

I only melted a bit when a few of the intended guests (FILs) started to get bratty.  I put my foot down becuase I was not about to get steam rolled over my own wedding.  H fully backed me on those moments.

JessAndTrav

I think it's just the hype that's built around it. It's a day that's self-centered around the B&G. But it's the "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" thing.

I never felt a sense of entitlement, except with vendors. If I'm paying for it, then yes, I'm entitled.

But I never once went on a rant about people not buying off of my registry, like a certrain post we saw today from The Bump, I didn't yell at BMs for not doing something, even when I probably should have pushed harder about getting their dresses on time.

By the time our actual wedding day came, I didn't even care anymore. I was getting married that day, regardless of what details weren't perfectly in line. I reminded myself of that through the whole process, and I think that's how I kept my head on straight.

ggmae

I just kind of rolled with the punches and remained calm about things, even when we lost our original venue and had to scramble to find a new one. I did get a little bratty on wedding day when my hair (which was supposed to be done at 10am) started at 10am and I felt super rushed. I said that it was my wedding day and I shouldn't be the one rushing. Other than that, I kept it together when a lot of things didn't go as planned.

louisvillebride21

Oh, I agree about the vendor thing. I have never gotten such terrible customer service as I have with my wedding. I have been quite snotty to some vendors and reported them to the owners of the business. I figure if I'm paying this much money, the VERY LEAST you could do is be courteous and semi-knowledgeable about your product/business.

MeaghanandMichael

Yeah, I guess my brattiness was mostly geared towards vendors.

I did have a freak out about neeeeeding certain flowers at one point. It was bad.

I think money has a LOT to do with it. I think many problems have an underlying current of who is spending what (anything from bms, to guests, to parents etc.) and many brides see their day as needing to be a never ending pit of money. This combined with pictures in wedding magazines can drive people batty.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-got-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf79899c-d023-4ffc-b571-a05166ab6f20Post:91d41301-b3d6-4cd3-bcfa-387cc171f6ce">Re: This got me thinking...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's just the hype that's built around it. It's a day that's self-centered around the B&G. But it's the "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" thing.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]
This, totally. In tv, movies, whatever - it is portrayed that everyone bends over backwards to make their special day perfect, they get whatever they want and have this luxurious experience with no concern for family/budget/whatever. The knot certainly doesnt help with their promotion of bridesmaid lists and expectations. A lot of women have an overblown sense of what being a bride means.

I didnt HAVE to be a brat about anything - my husband and my mom (who paid for the reception) didnt really want anything to do with the planning and told me to do whatever I wanted, within reason (stick to the budget). I was a bit bratty the day of, when we were setting up the reception, but thats only because we kept coming up with problems and I was getting stressed about time.

katiewhompus

I had one brat moment which was very quickly corrected by the ladies here, and thank god they did. It was one of those "someone slap me" moments.

I also had one complete melt down which my poor family had to deal with regarding our caterers. That was exciting...

MeaghanandMichael

I know you are right Nebb, but HOW can people not see that movies and tv are just not reality? We all go to weddings, we all see pictures on facebook, we all know that not every wedding is a platinum wedding. How do these real life and common sense experiences (like looking at your bank account) not outweigh the media culture in the long run?

mocha beans

I think we're pretty good about talking each other down from a BSC meltdown.  And there's enough beebees that come on and have BSC meltdowns that we see it in our own behavior and put the kebosh on it before it  gets that far.

I've been so blah on this whole process lately, as long as FI and I are in Hawaii we'll get married on a public beach and have dinner at a restaurant if that's what it takes.

And I agree with the vendor thing.  I'm paying you money, I want what I paid for.  Yeah, you may not get any repeat business from me (hopefully...), but you darn well better believe I'll be posting about my experiences on here.

aMrsin09

I think it may have to do with seeing the platinum weddings in pictures and movies and thinking "I can totally make it look it like that for less"  Less as in not using real crystals, or real silk chair covers or super expensive flowers in the CPs, and then having mini melt downs when the reality looks nothing like the "for less" version they had in their head.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-got-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf79899c-d023-4ffc-b571-a05166ab6f20Post:accc397b-43ba-4b6a-99cb-2a5039e881d1">Re: This got me thinking...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you are right Nebb, but HOW can people not see that movies and tv are just not reality? We all go to weddings, we all see pictures on facebook, we all know that not every wedding is a platinum wedding. How do these real life and common sense experiences (like looking at your bank account) not outweigh the media culture in the long run?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Because people are stupid, point blank.

Think about Bridezillas. Not only is the show unrealistic, but 99% of the time, their weddings are horrid and they are far from platinum.

Just like the other day when we talked about being a self-proclaimed bitch. It's your mindset. Are you a selfish person that wants all of the focus on you? If so, then you're the bride that will make a big deal over the little, tiny, miniscule and insignificant details.

Are you a bride who enjoyed the planning but never lost her head? Then you're probably the bride that keeps her cool, unless there's a major problem, (Flowers not showing up or there being no food. Something real.)

People often struggle with the sense of entitlement. We all feel entitled from time to time. It's our culture, especially in the United States. People feel entitled to all sorts of things, so it's no surprise that people feel entitled when it's a day centered around you.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-got-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf79899c-d023-4ffc-b571-a05166ab6f20Post:1151b2b3-22e2-4d2e-8d3e-2c92aadd10db">Re: This got me thinking...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This got me thinking... :  Think about Bridezillas. Not only is the show unrealistic, but 99% of the time, their weddings are horrid and they are far from platinum.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]


Not to mention the show platinum weddings goes to show how money can't buy a beautiful wedding. The one the other night had GORGEOUS flowers in a really earthy style that cost a fortune, but she was dressed up like a Barbie doll pincess in a too tight dress and the bm dresses were sequined. It was horrid.

mocha beans

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-got-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf79899c-d023-4ffc-b571-a05166ab6f20Post:ca28908d-2fcf-44df-8f00-d5a00de90f5d">Re: This got me thinking...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it may have to do with seeing the platinum weddings in pictures and movies and thinking "I can totally make it look it like that for less"  Less as in not using real crystals, or real silk chair covers or super expensive flowers in the CPs, and then having mini melt downs when the reality looks nothing like the "for less" version they had in their head.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

This too.  The wedding industry *coughTKcough* has done a pretty good job of convincing people that they need to spend money on this that and the other to have a great wedding.  And that it's YOUR DAY!1!!! and you should be able to do what you want, at the expense of your guests sometimes.

JessAndTrav

The best thing I got from TK were the boards. Actually, that's the only thing.

JK10910

I don't think it has anything to do with weddings.  I like to believe that most of the entitled brats we see are just generally entitled brats.  I was a super brat about our ceremony site and not getting to have a DW.  It took me a good long time to get over not having a DW and I'm still completely jealous of people having them, and if FI said "let's do it!" I'd be on that train immediately.  BUT I'm happy with what we have now, finally, as well.  For the record, I never felt entitled to a DW, I just really, really wanted one and FI did too, and I thought we were doing it, until he talked to his parents.  But anyway...

ETA:  Of course, for some people it IS just a wedding thing.  There are definitely some people that get "wedding brain" and go all BSC.

brookelynpaisley

I think I handled things pretty well. I did get a bit bratty about my sister not wanting to hold my train, so my mom stepped in and bussled it. Really, no one stuck their nose in our planning at all. I admit my MIL really pissed me off when she slyly added guests we seemed to have agreed on not inviting. I'm honestly still upset about it, and I'll be more pissed if she doesn't make BIL and FSIL invite them. Childish, yes, but I won't let it out to them. I'll just stew

And I'm a brat now after the wedding over the photos. I'm not a happy camper when it comes to our photography. Buuuuut, we only paid $400, so....

thesuninherhead

I wasn't bratty in the slightest. I did cry once (but not in a bratty way, in an ohmygod this sucks way) when I had a lawyer on my ass in regards to the crazy dress lady situation... but other than that, even having to find a dress 10 days out was actually ok by me and I felt fine- albeit frustrated by the situation, but not bratty. The only time I felt anything close to bridezilla was when my SIL went bridesmaidzilla on me and tried to give me her guest list for our wedding. Even then, I didn't say anything to her, but did vent to H about it. 

 

I am pretty laid back, though. It takes a lot to get me upset.