Wedding Etiquette Forum

Request that they not be part of wedding party (anymore)?!

So, I'm getting married in a year. My bridal party consists of my MOH, 2 bridesmaids and my best guy friend, Alex. He seemed very enthusiastic. Still does.

He isn't a good friend lately. Invites us over to a 'casual bbq'...Oh, everyone's doing hard drugs (WHAT?!) Invites me to a weekend at the cottage with a great group of people...changes the entire group so I'll be incredibley uncomfortable. When I (VERY nicely) stated that, please don't be offended but I'm just not comfortable, I won't be going. I gave more than a week's notice. The response? "Cool, now Heather can go".

Here's my problem: There have been no 'catfights', no real 'explosions' of any kind..... I just think he is rude and thoughtless and immature.
BUT ....I don't want my party to be unbalanced (fiancee has a gal standing with him too).

Would you request that he attend as a guest only or say 'screw it' and just make sure he knows when to be at the Stag n Doe, the Bachelorette, the Rehearsal...

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ~Moulin Rouge

Re: Request that they not be part of wedding party (anymore)?!

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    You can't kick him out, and uneven sides are fine if he doesn't show up.
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    This is one fabulous example of why we recommend not asking your bridal party so far in advance. Is this all new behavior, or are these things he's always done, but now you're putting expectations on his behavior, i.e. you're about to "grow up" so he should too? If he's always been this way, this is something you should have considered before asking him to be in your bridal party.

    Your friendship is effectively over if you kick someone out of the bridal party. Unbalanced parties are fine, trust me. No one cares about it as much as you do, and it's a really silly thing to be worried about in the grand scheme of things.
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    I wouldn't worry that much about it for another 7-8 months. If his behavior is that bad, you probably won't be friends anymore and it will be a non-issue whether or not he's attending the wedding, much less standing up in it. Don't let a need for "balanced" sides matter. It doesn't.
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    ditto PP's.  Kicking someone out of your wedding party is essentially ending the friendship.  No one but you will notice if there are different numbers of people standing up front.. and sometimes the asymmetry of uneven numbers makes for more interesting photos.
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    Personally I would be more worried about his change in behaviour and casually saying things like "Oh everyones doing hard drugs" than with uneven/not matching sides at my wedding. I would be concerned that he has a drug problem or the start of one and would probably try talking to him.
    Good luck
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    Yeah, is he doing the hard drugs too? Is this unsual behavior for him?

    When you say with a new group of people? Is it people you haven't met or people doing hard drugs? I'm not quite sure what you mean in the part about the weekend away.

    Also, don't worry about uneven sides, I've been in/to a few weddings with uneven sides. No one has ever noticed.
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    It sounds like he's just at a different point in his life - not ready to settle down, still partying a lot, etc. Which is fine, if that's what he wants. Sometimes it's nice to have friends who are very different to sort of pull you out of complacency, if that makes sense... but if he's SO different that you don't think you'll be friends much longer, just wait and see. I'm a big fan of never kicking someone out, but letting them take themselves out of the wedding if they'd like. And if they don't, they don't. No big deal. Your WP probably won't reflect people who will be your besties your WHOLE life, since oftentimes clsoe friends come and go. But people who love you and support your relationship at the moment.
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    Things that are not important:
    Having even sides in a wedding party

    Things that are important:
    Friends starting to do drugs
    Friends acting strangely

    Talk to him about this stuff - presumably if he's a good friend of yours, he's not usually like this. Kicking him out of your wedding will likely ruin your friendship, and you've got a year for him to get back to normal, so don't focus on that right now. Address the issues in your friendship and potentially any issues that he's facing that are making him act like this. If a year from now he's turned into someone who you really are not friends with any more, then end the friendship and as a side effect of that he'll be out of the wedding.
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