Polite way to ask close to death in family

MartinAston

I'm on my phone so forgive me.

We are getting married this upcoming Saturday and found out through Facebook that F 's aunt's dad died today. We Brent that close and generally only talk through Facebook. She RSVP'd for 3 only invited for two, but that's a different story The caterer is very flexible and will take number pretty much up till this Thursday. And each meal is 30 per person.

My question is, would it be horribly rude to message her if she still plans on coming? My gut tells me to leave it alone. I personally think it is rude to ask her when her dad just died. While it is 90 we're talking here it seems insensitive. However, I thought I'd just ask to see if anyone had a suggestion or just stick to leaving it alone.

Peledreamsofrain

I would plan on having them there, and leave it alone.  I honestly can't see any sensitive way of asking 'so are you still coming?".  People who are grieving appreciate tact and flexibility in others, so quietly leave the door open for whatever they are comfortable with.

crash2729

I'd leave it alone.

lyndausvi

We had an OOT guest's mother die the week of our wedding. My mom just called them up to send our condolences. We didn't mention them coming or not. They did still come. Had they not shown it would not have bothered us. We have planned many events and know that no shows/last minute cancellations are just part of the territory.

peekaboo2011

I would still plan on them attending.  Like PP said, there really isn't a tactful way of asking.  And, who knows, they might appreciate a distraction.  You know what happened, and if they show, that's awesome.  If they don't, at least you know it wasn't some sort of random "Oh, I didn't feel like showing up," which seem to irritate everyone.

MartinAston

Thanks everyone.  That's what I thought, just wanted to make sure.