Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)

thurmanpowell

First the rant:

So I was chatting with a friend on facebook about the wedding (and getting her new address) when the issue of +1s came up. I explained to her that we weren't really doing them, the only couples who were invited were married people (and to go even further only ONE of those couples isn't made of relatives or married friends whose wedding we attended) and couples where we were friends with both of them. Basically, they aren't plus ones as much as we're friends with both parties and they happen to be together.

This did not go over so well with my friend. She wants to bring her ex boyfriend who she now has a friends with benefits thing going on with. This put me in the awkward position of explaining that, while yes we have meet him before (I think I've met him 4 or 5 times over a few years) we aren't friends with him. And yes, seriously the TWO unmarried "+1s" on the list are friends (as in, we hang out with both parties without their other half).

So, then she asks me about all of our mutual friends, and if they have +1s. They do not. Her response is that her FWB is better than their boyfriends, so can he come anyhow? Why not?

Next I try a few more polite responses, you know, it's too expensive (which it is) and all that. Her response? They can share a plate.

SHARE A PLATE? WTF? I tried to treat that like a joke, but she seriously went on about his gastric bypass and how he doesn't eat much anymore and she won't be that hungry!!!!!

What in the world?

So my question, am I being weird? Is it weird to limit "dates" to people you actually know? Is my explanation unclear? What is the best way to avoid anyone else trying to do a plus one?

I get the whole "don't judge other people's relationship" thing, but is it wrong when your invitation is based on how well you know the other party in the relationship? I feel like I should also add that with the two friends with dates, one of those dates is a family friend of FIs (who just happened to start dating a groomsmen) and the other date has become a friend in his own right, where it's hard to say which is the guest and who is the +1! (No worries, the invitation will NOT be worded with "and guest"). Honestly all four of these people will probably end up getting their own invitations and not even invited as a couple.

Ok, im done. I don't even know how to respond back to her now! I did not have an answer ready for that!

nextrightthing

You don't have to give everyone a plus one, but if people are in a relationship, they need to be invited with their SO (whether or not you are friends with them).  They are a social unit.  If she considers this guy her bf, he should be invited.  If she considers herself single, then she doesn't need a plus one.

daffydillie

You should not split up social groups regardless of how well you know the other party. Honestly, if I was invited to an event without FI or vice versa I would not attend.

But for clarity, you are not allowing people to bring their signifigant others unless you know them?

Simply Fated

" Is it weird to limit "dates" to people you actually know?" Yes, that's weird. It's not the guest's fault you don't know their significant other. Anyone in a relationship should be invited with their SO. Anyway, stop giving this girl excuses as to why you can't invite him. "Sorry, but he isn't invited." If you give a specific excuse, she'll just give you a reason why you can invite him.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:56ce2a8e-fbc1-4c92-b3e5-541ed8da48c0">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]You should not split up social groups regardless of how well you know the other party. Honestly, if I was invited to an event without FI or vice versa I would not attend. But for clarity, you are not allowing people to bring their signifigant others unless you know them?
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

I'm not allowing anyone to bring their SOs at all. Some people have SOs who are also invited, due to our seperate relationships with their SOs. In both cases, if these couples were to break up we would still want to invite both parties.

Also, the PP asked if she considered this a relationship, and I honestly have no clue. FWB was her phrasing, but "if it being a relationship gets him invited than it's basically a relationship." Previous to trying to invite him to my wedding, she maintained that they were just friends.

Personally, this was the easiest way to cut down the guest list. We didn't want to cut out friends and relatives to make room for strangers that other people happen to know.  

HandBanana

You shouldn't not invite someone's SO just because you haven't met them.  Apologize and no more facebook discussions about your wedding.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:8c04e62b-63c8-49e0-be5d-456ae36c58cd">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : 1.  Don't talk about your wedding on facebook.  It will only cause problems. 2.  If a guest is involved in a relationship with a significant other, you must invite them both, even if you have never met the significant other. 4.  Yes, you are being weird (rude) by not inviting S/Os. 3.  Apologize to your friend and give her a plus one.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS.  Totally.  Anyone over 18 who is in a relationship get's the bring their SO.  And you should invite that person by name, not just +1.

</div>

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:8fd0dfd9-d80a-4bea-9822-c8a87317c228">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : You are being rude by excluding significant others in a relationship.  Find another way to cut your guest list or your reception costs.  You are going to upset a lot of people by doing this.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

There's no other way to cut the guest list without cutting children (which I refuse to do) or simply not inviting people who are in relationships. The reception costs are bare bones. The only way it could be cheaper is by not having food at all, and I'm not willing to do that just to write "and guest" on a bunch of invitations.

I'm not asking for advice here (because this is final) just whether or not it's weird.

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:586f5d2a-7705-47bd-b47a-5cbd23e16b29">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : <strong> I'm not allowing anyone to bring their SOs at all. </strong>Some people have SOs who are also invited, due to our seperate relationships with their SOs. In both cases, if these couples were to break up we would still want to invite both parties. Also, the PP asked if she considered this a relationship, and I honestly have no clue. FWB was her phrasing, but "if it being a relationship gets him invited than it's basically a relationship." Previous to trying to invite him to my wedding, she maintained that they were just friends. Personally, this was the easiest way to cut down the guest list. We didn't want to cut out friends and relatives to make room for strangers that other people happen to know.  
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

Not allowing people to bring SO's at all is the problem.  Weather or not you are friends with their SO, people who consider themselves to be in a relationship are a social unit, and should be invited with their partner. 

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:347840b9-945e-4b08-9501-1197e99c6f2e">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]You shouldn't not invite someone's SO just because you haven't met them.  Apologize and no more facebook discussions about your wedding.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

This was facebook chat (im out of the country and do not have phone service), NOT public facebook.

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:efcfd9eb-24c0-4689-aa83-558022bab126">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : There's no other way to cut the guest list without cutting children (which I refuse to do) or simply not inviting people who are in relationships. The reception costs are bare bones. The only way it could be cheaper is by not having food at all, and I'm not willing to do that just to write "and guest" on a bunch of invitations. I'm not asking for advice here (because this is final) just whether or not it's weird<strong>.</strong>
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

Yes, it's wierd not to invite people with their SO's.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:4d3e827c-d07e-4e0a-a005-db14bd8467b7">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : THIS.  Totally.  Anyone over 18 who is in a relationship get's the bring their SO.  And you should invite that person by name, not just +1.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

So... you suggest that I ask people, People who are NOT clearly in relationships, whether or not they have a secret relationship and if so, with whom?

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:1634018a-6269-4d83-8b2b-85d44f0182cd">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : So... you suggest that I ask people, People who are NOT clearly in relationships, whether or not they have a secret relationship and if so, with whom?
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

Facebook is your friend here, check if they are in relationships.  If you can't find out that way, ask, or ask someone who would know. 

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:1634018a-6269-4d83-8b2b-85d44f0182cd">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : So... you suggest that I ask people, People who are NOT clearly in relationships, whether or not they have a secret relationship and if so, with whom?
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
You should ask the people whose relationship status you are unsure of whether they are in a relationship, and if so, then with whom. Having a relationship that you don't personally happen to know =/= "secret relationship." 

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:c2f3bb8e-0c3a-4802-a5b0-db399cb7501f">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : Facebook is your friend here, check if they are in relationships.  If you can't find out that way, ask, or ask someone who would know. 
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

I guess this part wasn't really clear...

There is NOTHING to indicate that she is in a relationship on facebook. She JUST asked me (and my wedding is in 6 months, and already planned) if she could bring a plus one, and when I asked her who she was even considering, she mentioned her FWB situation that I had no knowledge of previously.

They are NOT a social unit, he doesn't even live in state. And again FWB is her description of their relationship, not mine. They are NOT in a relationship by their own definition.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:81fab10b-d031-4553-9967-2fae8ce8e351">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : You should ask the people whose relationship status you are unsure of whether they are in a relationship, and if so, then with whom. Having a relationship that you don't personally happen to know =/= "secret relationship." 
Posted by SKPM[/QUOTE]

That's the thing, I had NO REASON to think she was in a relationship, and she ISN'T in a relationship. FWB stands for FRIENDS with benefits, fyi.


So, the only reason for me to ask her if she was in a relationship, when she's very clearly not, is if I suspected she had a secret relationship. Unfortunately I did not count possible secret relationships into the catering total.

Simply Fated

In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question plus ones!:In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question plus ones! : So... you suggest that I ask people, People who are NOT clearly in relationships, whether or not they have a secret relationship and if so, with whom?Posted by thurmanpowellYou should ask the people whose relationship status you are unsure of whether they are in a relationship, and if so, then with whom. Having a relationship that you don't personally happen to know / "secret relationship."nbsp; Posted by SKPM[/QUOTE]
This. Just ask people. If you know well them enough to invite them to your wedding, surely you're close enough to ask them whether or not they're in a relationship.

SKPM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:b4e21948-de1a-415a-bb0c-9c8b095aadc8">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : That's the thing, I had NO REASON to think she was in a relationship, and she ISN'T in a relationship. FWB stands for FRIENDS with benefits, fyi. So, the only reason for me to ask her if she was in a relationship, when she's very clearly not, is if I suspected she had a secret relationship. Unfortunately I did not count possible secret relationships into the catering total.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
I know what FWB is. Since your wedding is still 6 months away, I recommend you go through your guest list and inquire of each person who isn't already invited with a date whether they are in a relationship. Then you need to add those significant others to your guest list and invite them by name on the invitations. For anyone who is truly single (by their own definition), you can give them a "+1" if you'd like to but you are not obligated to.

Simply Fated

"Unfortunately I did not count possible secret relationships into the catering total." You didn't even take into account relationships you DID know about.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:98653416-a904-4f2f-898a-6deb1d609280">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]"Unfortunately I did not count possible secret relationships into the catering total." You didn't even take into account relationships you DID know about.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

No, I took them into account, I just axed them from the guest list over family.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:28fa48b0-7a4e-4dd1-823f-3a45ac274419">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!) : I know what FWB is. Since your wedding is still 6 months away, I recommend you go through your guest list and inquire of each person who isn't already invited with a date whether they are in a relationship. Then you need to add those significant others to your guest list and invite them by name on the invitations. For anyone who is truly single (by their own definition), you can give them a "+1" if you'd like to but you are not obligated to.
Posted by SKPM[/QUOTE]

Ealier I mentioned that the no +1s thing was final.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:528a7cec-42a4-464b-912b-4f0ecc0afa16">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!: This. Just ask people. If you know well them enough to invite them to your wedding, surely you're close enough to ask them whether or not they're in a relationship.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

You guys are getting off topic with this... There isn't a relationship I did not know about. There ISNT A RELATIONSHIP in this instance. My point about secret relationships was to the PP who stated that I should call and ask everyone when I made my guest list, and that is a ridiculous idea for just the reason you state. If I don't even know that about them, why would I invite them? The only reason I would ask a close friend if they are in a relationship when there is NO reason for me to think they are, would be if for some reason I suspected they were keeping it from me (aka a secret).

Simply Fated

In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!:"Unfortunately I did not count possible secret relationships into the catering total." You didn't even take into account relationships you DID know about.Posted by Simply FatedNo, I took them into account, I just axed them from the guest list over family. Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
That's worse.

You wouldn't write plus 1 on the invitation, anyway. You'd write the person's name.

Find other ways to cut cost because, yes, it's weird not to invite significant others. Also, it's rude, inconsiderate and it makes no sense. It's a ceremony about the joining of a couple... and you're splitting up a couple. How do you not see the weirdness in that?

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:07a376be-2684-4de7-9a40-77cfdab45727">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones! : No, I took them into account, I just axed them from the guest list over family.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
Right, but that's a really large breach in etiquette. People who are in relationships need to be thought of as a social unit, and invited together.

If your friend doesn't present herself a dating this guy, then he doesn't need to be invited, and you should just tell he's not invited and that's the end of it.

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:07a376be-2684-4de7-9a40-77cfdab45727">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones! : No, I took them into account, I just axed them from the guest list over family.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]
You shouldn't have included the friends at all because it wasn't in your budget.  It would be like saying it was in your budget to have the wedding at an ultra expensive location but then axing dinner because the food menu was too expensive.  It just isn't how wedding budgets and etiquette work.

willywally5

Yes your friend and all her fanagling for an invite is eye-roll worthy. I mean, who does that? 

BUT, if she considers herself in a relationship with this guy, you invite him. Same goes for any other guest and their SOs. 

You can rant all you want. But what you are doing is a big no-no as far as etiquette is concerned. In answer to your question about if it's weird? YES, it is. And worse, it's RUDE. 

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:8ec2a24b-eced-48ad-ac2f-f9addf2c69d9">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!: That's worse. You wouldn't write plus 1 on the invitation, anyway. You'd write the person's name. Find other ways to cut cost because, yes, it's weird not to invite significant others. Also, it's rude, inconsiderate and it makes no sense. It's a ceremony about the joining of a couple... and you're splitting up a couple. How do you not see the weirdness in that?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Not being invited to someones wedding when you don't know them doesn't split up a couple. If someone who didn't no me didn't invited me to their wedding, I'd have no reason to be offended.

The only way for this to work in our budget would be to not invite people in relationships at all. Then, when a close friend asks me about how they were not invited, I could explain how, due to my tight financial situation, I could not invite their SO whom I do not know, and TK told me it would be rude not to invite this stranger, and so I decided that this friend also got axed as well.

OR, I could just explain how the wedding is just close friends and family, and that is why there is no plus one. Also, whether or not I list the name it is STILL a plus one because John Doe isn't invited, his GF Jane Smith is and he just happens to have his facebook linked to her near the phrase "relationship status."

Snippylynn

OP, you are being the jerk here. You are stuck.on this one instance, while we are trying to explain the overall ramifications of your decision. At the end of the day, we have all had to make guest list decisions due to budget. The difference is in making a bad decision for what you think are good reasons. Kids will not remember your wedding. Your friends and their SO's will.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:39414267-b1f1-4742-9d1a-b92880971179">Re: Mini rant and mini question (plus ones!)</a>:
[QUOTE]You can be rude if you want.  You will have to take the consequences of being rude to your friends.  We have told you that the plans you say are final are unacceptable etiquette.  Don't come back complaining to us when your friends are offended by your rude behavior. The easiest way to fix this is to have the wedding you can afford while still being correctly behaved towards your guests.  You have chosen to try and have a wedding that is more expensive than you can afford, otherwise you would not be having this problem re: cutting your guest list.  Not only that, you are discussing your wedding plans of facebook, which is a public site that anyone can see.  Just tacky.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

No, we are having the wedding we can afford, and not inviting extra people.

Also, have you used facebook? In the lower right hand corner there is chat window. The messages you write in there are only between you and the other people (unless you do a group message, which this was not), much like texting. That is not how public is defined.

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:93471507-a5a0-4eb1-8ee2-f9274a31ec53">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones! : Not being invited to someones wedding when you don't know them doesn't split up a couple. If someone who didn't no me didn't invited me to their wedding, I'd have no reason to be offended. The only way for this to work in our budget would be to not invite people in relationships at all. Then, when a close friend asks me about how they were not invited, I could explain how, due to my tight financial situation, I could not invite their SO whom I do not know, and TK told me it would be rude not to invite this stranger, and so I decided that this friend also got axed as well. OR, I could just explain how the wedding is just close friends and family, and that is why there is no plus one. Also, whether or not I list the name it is STILL a plus one because John Doe isn't invited, his GF Jane Smith is and he just happens to have his facebook linked to her near the phrase "relationship status."
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

Yup.  I had a tight budget and friends that were not invited to my wedding because family /> friend. It wasn't because they had SO though.  Our budget was just very tight.  Our friends understood that my H wasn't working and we were paying for everything ourselves.  I think they would prefer that to being invited but without a date.

For the record, H was invited to a wedding while we were engaged.  The couple was doing the same thing and I wasn't invited to the wedding.  It is a really sucky feeling and it makes you dislike the couple because they apparently do not respect your relationship (at least that is what it feels like.)

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-rant-and-mini-question-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfd57151-b12a-4b2b-8d4d-434e9b82bd41Post:93471507-a5a0-4eb1-8ee2-f9274a31ec53">Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Mini rant and mini question plus ones! : <strong>Not being invited to someones wedding when you don't know them doesn't split up a couple. If someone who didn't no me didn't invited me to their wedding, I'd have no reason to be offended.</strong> The only way for this to work in our budget would be to not invite people in relationships at all. Then, when a close friend asks me about how they were not invited, I could explain how, due to my tight financial situation, I could not invite their SO whom I do not know, and TK told me it would be rude not to invite this stranger, and so I decided that this friend also got axed as well. OR, I could just explain how the wedding is just close friends and family, and that is why there is no plus one. Also, whether or not I list the name it is STILL a plus one because John Doe isn't invited, his GF Jane Smith is and he just happens to have his facebook linked to her near the phrase "relationship status."
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

But if your fiance was going to a wedding and you weren't invited, you probably would be offended, I know I would be.

Also, in the situation you're describing, John Doe would not be a "Plus One", that term usually refers to people who are invited to bring a date weather or not they consider themselves in a relationship. John Doe is in a social unit with Jane Doe, and they need to be invited together.