Friend bringing someone other than her husband

katelin318

I invited my friend and her husband to my wedding, both their names on the invitation, not "Friend and guest."  She happened to mention to me recently that she might bring this other girl instead of her husband.  I was a little surprised.  It's not a big deal and I don't plan on saying anything to my friend, but I'm just curious: if someone is invited with a named guest, is it considered acceptable in terms of etiquette for them to bring a different guest instead? 

laurenclaire1386

I never can remember what the general consensus on this is, but I personally wouldn't do it. If the person I was invited with couldn't go, I'd either go alone or not go. I know it doesn't change the count for the couple or anything, but it's rude to essentially hijack someone's guestlist, IMO. You're basically making a decision FOR the couple on who is invited to their event and I don't think that's very polite at all. 

Summer2011Bride

Hmm I'm not sure; I would probably ask first. If H couldn't go to a wedding and I wouldn't know anybody else there and would like to bring a friend, I'd probably call the bride and ask if it was OK. One of our friends' H's couldn't come and she asked if she could bring her mom instead (who we knew). We said it was fine. I would not just RSVP for a different random person though without asking.

baystateapple

It's one of those things where I think it depends on the circumstances.  If I, as the person in questio, am a close friend who lives nearby and is going to know plenty of people at the wedding, yeah, I wouldn't ask to bring another guest and I wouldn't expect the family to accede to me.  But if the guest is someone from out of town who doesn't know anyone except for the B&G, and his or her spouse can't come, yeah, I wouldn't really think twice about saying they could bring another date.

runpipparun

From what I've read in etiquette books, you may ask if another guest is acceptable, but you should never assume.

Matty143

A woman did this for our wedding.
Her husband didn't attend because he didn't want to wear a sport coat, so she brought a female friend.
I honestly wouldn't have even noticed, but my MIL was like "Oh... Sally, what are you doing here?" because she knew that she wasn't invited.

Anywho, I think its kind of rude, but if you can swing it. NBD.

amys325

As a bride, I probably wouldn't be bothered, but as a guest I would ask first.

And it would really depend on if this guest knew anyone else at the wedding.  

Kate61487

I had a friend do this at my wedding; her BF couldn't make it so she RSVP'd with another guest.  I was a little irritated b/c she was one of quite literally 30 sorority sisters that I invited, she would have known plenty of other guests.  She brought a friend who I didn't know at all, but honestly on the day of it didn't bother me at all.  I did find it funny though when afterwards several of our mutual friends made comments to me about how weird it was that she'd brought a friend. 

So basically, it's not really okay to do it - you should always ask before you do.  But in the grand scheme of things it's not worth arguing about.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-bringing-someone-other-than-her-husband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfdd72d7-71db-48bc-a159-5b36bb9dd5a1Post:c39dffb4-3fb9-42b8-8a6e-242883ec5f58">Re: Friend bringing someone other than her husband</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm I'm not sure; I would probably ask first. If H couldn't go to a wedding and I wouldn't know anybody else there and would like to bring a friend, I'd probably call the bride and ask if it was OK. One of our friends' H's couldn't come and she asked if she could bring her mom instead (who we knew). We said it was fine. I would not just RSVP for a different random person though without asking.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I think it's rude on the guest's part to invite someone who isn't invited (invitations aren't "tickets" is the party line - they aren't transferable). BUT it's not like it puts you out since you had planned for and budgeted for her husband to come anyway.

If there are a lot of people who weren't invited to bring a plus one and this guest is planning on bringing a random, rather than her husband, that can be awkward. But again, that's why it's a little rude of her to do it.

AbbeyS2011

She mentioned to you about the substitute guest, not asked you, correct?  Yes, that is rude.

It would have been better if she had said, "Look Katelin, my H hates wedding and parties - would it be OK if I brought a girlfriend of mine instead?"  As the host of the wedding, you do have the right to say invited guests only. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-bringing-someone-other-than-her-husband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfdd72d7-71db-48bc-a159-5b36bb9dd5a1Post:c39dffb4-3fb9-42b8-8a6e-242883ec5f58">Re: Friend bringing someone other than her husband</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm I'm not sure; I would probably ask first. If H couldn't go to a wedding and I wouldn't know anybody else there and would like to bring a friend, I'd probably call the bride and ask if it was OK. One of our friends' H's couldn't come and she asked if she could bring her mom instead (who we knew). We said it was fine. I would not just RSVP for a different random person though without asking.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

This.