Question ladies!

5LittleBears

Hi guys. Never posted here before (more of a bump regular) but thought I would today! One of my best friends is getting married in September and has come upon a tiny guestlist issue. So, I found this little forum & thought I'd ask for her what to do or if she should even do anything. It may be annoyingly long so I'll go ahead and apologize ahead of time. Anyway...

Basically, her FI's sister is not in the wedding. No issue there. They just are not that close. So this sister has had a boyfriend for a few months and obviously he was to be invited with her (invites haven't gone out yet btw).  Her rule of thumb has been wedding party gets a guest no matter what and any guest in any kind of relationship gets invited with their SO. Well sister & boyfriend broke up. For good (so it seems). But then my friend sees on wonderful ol' facebook a status from the sister saying "Need a new date for brothers wedding! Guy or girl! Who wants to go??" and a bunch of random people saying they will go. They are paying for the wedding themselves (meaning they are trying their hardest to keep it as cheap as possible) and she doesn't think the sister should get any random guest if she is no longer in a relationship of any kind.

So my question (finally)... is my friend wrong in thinking she should not get a guest if it is not a SO? Should she get a guest no matter what? If not, should she kindly say something (or have FI) say something or just let it go? Thank you!

rsaleh84

I think it may depend on the wording on the invitation.  Since they haven't gone out yet, then she can obviously address the invite to the sister alone, making it clear that no one else is invited.  Or she can talk to the sister with her FI and let her know that random guests are not included.  Either way, the issue should definitely come from her FI as well as her.  That way the sister understands these are not just the bride's wishes, but also her own brother's wishes as well.

Simply Fated

If your friend isn't inviting random plus 1's, then she could stick to that plan and just ignore the fact that she saw this fb status. If her sister is genuinely in a relationship by September, then obviously that changes things.
The thing is... this is going to be her sister-in-law and it might be best to skip over this battle.

5LittleBears

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d012f3f8-95bc-4ec4-a348-16fc8d80f9a2Post:276bcb72-ff0d-4e5f-84a0-a8b6dc525f97">Re: Question ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it may depend on the wording on the invitation.  Since they haven't gone out yet, then she can obviously address the invite to the sister alone, making it clear that no one else is invited.  Or she can talk to the sister with her FI and let her know that random guests are not included.  Either way, the issue should definitely come from her FI as well as her.  That way the sister understands these are not just the bride's wishes, but also her own brother's wishes as well.
Posted by rsaleh84[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I think if anything she would have FI talk to the sister. He is not comfortable with this anymore than she is.

Katelyn89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d012f3f8-95bc-4ec4-a348-16fc8d80f9a2Post:a7601061-7ee1-4bdd-8dd1-0a25bd8f7ae8">Re: Question ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]If your friend isn't inviting random plus 1's, then she could stick to that plan and just ignore the fact that she saw this fb status. If her sister is genuinely in a relationship by September, then obviously that changes things. <strong>The thing is... this is going to be her sister-in-law and it might be best to skip over this battle.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. I don't think it's a battle worth fighting. They can obviously afford the extra guest since they had planned on it in the first place and since this is going to be her SIL I think it's best to just let this one go instead of possibly upsetting her.</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d012f3f8-95bc-4ec4-a348-16fc8d80f9a2Post:a7601061-7ee1-4bdd-8dd1-0a25bd8f7ae8">Re: Question ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]If your friend isn't inviting random plus 1's, then she could stick to that plan and just ignore the fact that she saw this fb status. If her sister is genuinely in a relationship by September, then obviously that changes things. <strong>The thing is... this is going to be her sister-in-law and it might be best to skip over this battle.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>This. It depends on the relationship. Either way, I'd have her FI handle it--not her. That way, if they do decide to tell the FSIL she can't bring a random plus one, she is hearing it from her brother, and she may be less likely to be upset about it. I mean, if he approaches it as a "we just don't have the budget," I can't see a sister getting upset about it, but that's just me. </div>

MyUserName1

It's annoying of the FSIL to do that, but it's not the hill I'd die on, you know?

lyndausvi

It's not a battle I would fight.   Both my SIL and BIL brought friends and not SO to our wedding.  It didn't bother me at all.

If they really don't want to let her have a 'date' then have the FI say something. 

rsaleh84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-ladies-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d012f3f8-95bc-4ec4-a348-16fc8d80f9a2Post:0c4f515c-9cab-4966-9f98-1d09b0f8a918">Re:Question ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, FSIL is being obnoxious to invite a random date, but she is going to be family. And since the couple was already planning to have the ex there, it shouldn't impact their budget at all. I'd let it slide to avoid drama that might live far past the wedding day.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with you as well...it's really just up to what you are willing to deal with.  One day of internal drama, or a possible lifetime of grudges...I am dealing with the same thing in a different way...I would like to limit guests to adults only, but am not sure how to do this without hurting anyone's feelings.  Either way, I'm sure it will be a great day for you two!