Sorry in advance if your eyes gloss over. I know what those around us think but wanted some honest opinions from the ladies on this board.
My FMIL and I have always had a great relationship until recently. She is passive aggressive and has always been that way not just to me but to EVERYONE. I have looked past it since the beginning to maintain our relationship. Her children and mother try to not let it bother them. She also is believed to be Bipolar (her own mother says it) and she is a hypochondriac and will do anything to turn any and all situations around to focus attention on her good or BAD. She has been going to a therapist for years but won't ever share information or let any family come to the session for perspective purposes. No one is real sure what is going on. All these things we try to ignore normally but now the shiit has hit the fan.
FFIL and his wife gave us $ to put toward the wedding. We did not ask for it but they offered. When FMIL found this out we got a daily guilt trip from her about not being able to give us that amount of money. She is ALWAYS giving someone a guilt trip about something. We have assured her every time that we did not expect anything from her and just want her to share the day with us. Now our wedding and every aspect of it has become an inconvenience to her because it comes at a bad time for her (FSIL has prom and she paid for the dress) but I paid half of FSIL BM dress and shoes to help out. We get random drunken text messages that she "accidentally" sends us where she is talking shiit about it.
She has become competitive with me and although she has not said anything directly to me she of course is constantly making passive aggressive comments that I try to brush off. She tells FI that she wants to have an "appreciation dinner" for her husband from her kids. She only wants the kids to come and "no boyfriends or girlfriends". I am about to be his WIFE! I have been included in all of the family functions until now and I get put in the same category as his bro and sis' significant others and they are teenagers. They have been dating for a couple months. How is this the same? If anything, I am closer to her husband than I am her and we have an awesome relationship. He is level headed and nothing but respectful so FI and myself seem to cling to him more so than her. Why would I be excluded? This is more like an "I need attention" dinner.
This is the kicker. So my shower is coming up and she tells FI that she is not going to make it. He asks why and her excuse is that her husband has a game out of town. He is a softball umpire on the weekends. She and her husband did not start their relationship on the most honest terms so they have NO TRUST and are not allowed to leave eachothers sight. This of course is not my business BUT this is her reasoning for everything all the time. It is a little ridiculous. So FI is not happy with this answer so he tries to explain to her how important it is that she is there. She says she needs to make sure he drinks water. WTF?! Now I know that it is not a requirement for her to be there but she should WANT to be there as his mother. For 2 weeks she goes on and on how she is just one person and what does it really matter if she is there and she can't let husband go out of town alone. FI finally breaks the news to me and I am upset but I just let it go. FI continues to talk to her about it and express that he really wants her there and it is important to him. Someone from the outside tells her she should really go to the shower. She texts my MOH and basically goes on and on about changing her plans and refers to FI and myself as "little beggers" and says things like "his old lady" and to keep his bride happy, we ruined her weekend, bla bla bla. My MOH is very confused by the text so she asks me. I get upset and tell FI. He calls her and they get in a very heated argument and of course as always she is the victim. She then starts texting my MOH telling her she is a shhit starter and this is her family and she caused this whole thing, it is her fault and just got uglier and uglier until MOH was so frustrated she was in tears. She text me and I didn't want to say anything I would regret to my FMIL so I did not respond. We don't talk for a week.
FI is such a people pleaser and hates fighting so he calls her to be the bigger person. For 2 HOURS she went on and on about it being everyone elses fault and she would NEVER APOLOGIZE. I think she needs to apologize to my MOH am I wrong? She is angry that she didn't get a "special invitation" than everyone else and that I haven't filled her in on anything. This is a gift to me. I do not know the details and I am not involved in the planning of course. She has never offered to help or to do anything but complains that other family members are involved. They offered! I do not ask anyone to do anything. She says she expects another invitation from FI, myself and MOH.
She text me today and goes on about having to change her plans (again) but that she would be there IF she is still invited and she wants to feel welcome. I respond and tell her of course she is invited and that MOH and myself are adults and we can move past it. We would not want to make her feel uncomfortable. She then goes off on me that MOH and I are not the only adults in the situation, I need to accept her as she is or not and she doesn't care. It is for MOH and me to get over. At this point I lose my cool and tell her that is not what I meant at all and she was twisting my words. I also say that MOH has gone above and beyond for us and she really didn't deserve to be treated like that. She is totally using MOH as a scape goat. I am upset that she had MOH in tears and this isn't just something I can sweep under the rug. FI agrees with me and supports my decision and her own mother has apologized many times for her because this is so typical. I would of course not be a total biitch to her if she came but I just really think in this situation she needs to be an adult and try to smooth things over with my MOH. She is STILL getting all the blame and I feel horrible she is in this situation. I don't care if she apologizes to me but am I wrong to stand my ground on her owing MOH an apology?