Is it proper to invite...

theresa1879

Hello everyone, is it proper etiquette to invite my brother in laws parents to our wedding? We aren't very close only on holidays and birthday etc. and I am under the assumption that it is proper respect to show my sister who they are now her family. My fiance thinks differently.
Can anyone help me with this??

aragx6

Totally unnecessary unless you want to.

midgetthemighty

You don't have to by any means but if you have the space you can.

July2012bride

You don't have to.  My parents are good friends with my brother's gf's family.  Her parents are invited because we are family friends, not because they are my brother's gf's parents.

whitsy

Unnecessary but we invited the parents of one of my BM. It just felt like the right thing to do, since she kinda wanted someone there to help with her kids while she was in photos and stuff.

theresa1879

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-proper-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d03256cd-bb62-43a7-bc12-5a39d6cd4b57Post:faddc9db-e311-4b0c-a421-d3b520566d5e">Re: Is it proper to invite...</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have to by any means but if you have the space you can.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Thats the problem we are cutting it very close to the max space. I would love to have people we really want there. I just feel bad. They gave us a very expensive engagment gift. I kind of feel obligated now. Is that wrong of me? I am going through a range of emotions..lol

dumdumfroggie

It's not at all required.  Just because they gave you an engagement gift does not mean they get an invitation.  However, if you can fit them in, I would, especially as you do spend holidays together.

aragx6

Did they give you this expensive engagement gift at an engagement party?

July2012bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-proper-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d03256cd-bb62-43a7-bc12-5a39d6cd4b57Post:e0a50503-f422-4113-ac7d-e6a255bbc04b">Re: Is it proper to invite...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it proper to invite... : Thats the problem we are cutting it very close to the max space. I would love to have people we really want there. I just feel bad. They gave us a very expensive engagment gift. I kind of feel obligated now. Is that wrong of me? I am going through a range of emotions..lol
Posted by theresa1879[/QUOTE]
Were they invited to an engagement or any pre-wedding parties, or did they give an engagement gift on their own?<div>
</div><div>If they were invited to pre-wedding parties they need to be invited.  If they gave you the gift on their own, while it would be nice if you could invite them, I don't think you are obligated to.</div>

HandBanana

What everyone else said. We didn't but that was because our budget got cut.

midgetthemighty

I totally relate to how you feel. We're very invovled at our church that I've gone to my entire life and my family is huge. We had to cut a lot of people from church and some friends due to the space of our sanctuary and the size of my family. It's something that everyone has to go through and it can be pretty hard.

There were people who understood our space issue and were grateful about it and there were others who were snotty and rude about it. You can only control how you handle and react to situations, not how others do. If they or any other non-guests ask about being invited to the wedding, inform them that you weren't able to invite everyone you would like to have invited or indicate that it's for close friends and family only.

As far as the nice gift they gave you, write a very grateful thank you note and if you feel that's still not enough, offer to take them out to dinner or buy them a nice bottle of wine.

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-proper-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d03256cd-bb62-43a7-bc12-5a39d6cd4b57Post:105af613-87b6-43ec-a5ad-d4fa9098d718">Re: Is it proper to invite...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it proper to invite... : Were they invited to an engagement or any pre-wedding parties, or did they give an engagement gift on their own? If they were invited to pre-wedding parties they need to be invited.  If they gave you the gift on their own, while it would be nice if you could invite them, I don't think you are obligated to.
Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

I didn't even catch the part about the engagement gift. I agree with July here. You need to invite them to the wedding if they were invited to a pre-wedding party. Otherwise, what I said earlier still applies.

HandBanana

In Response to Re:Is it proper to invite...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it proper to invite...:In Response to Re: Is it proper to invite... : Were they invited to an engagement or any prewedding parties, or did they give an engagement gift on their own? If they were invited to prewedding parties they need to be invited. nbsp;If they gave you the gift on their own, while it would be nice if you could invite them, I don't think you are obligated to.Posted by July2012brideI didn't even catch the part about the engagement gift. I agree with July here. You need to invite them to the wedding if they were invited to a prewedding party. Otherwise, what I said earlier still applies. Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

If it was an engagement gift outside of a party does it make a,difference? I am worried now because we got a card from SIL parents, I wrote a thank you and that was that.

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-proper-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d03256cd-bb62-43a7-bc12-5a39d6cd4b57Post:64736633-02c9-46de-8c28-01ce3c8a8b9f">Re:Is it proper to invite...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it proper to invite...: If it was an engagement gift outside of a party does it make a,difference? I am worried now because we got a card from SIL parents, I wrote a thank you and that was that.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

No, they chose to give you a gift on their own volition. You don't have to invite them.

achiduck

I wouldn't even consider inviting my my SIL's parents. Unless you're super close to them and spend holiday's with them regularly it seems odd in MO. A gift does not mean you're required to invite someone.

theresa1879

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-proper-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d03256cd-bb62-43a7-bc12-5a39d6cd4b57Post:ef458880-66d1-46bc-a839-1632ab53fd0b">Re: Is it proper to invite...</a>:
[QUOTE]Did they give you this expensive engagement gift at an engagement party?
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

No there was no party, they gave it to us personally.

theresa1879

Thank you all. Now I have to approach my mother...lol Who insists that they come. My mother is not paying for our reception but she offered to pay for any extra guests that weren't in our original plan. I just wanted to keep this wedding on the smaller side 85 guests. It seems it grows by the day and not by fiance and I. How do we tell our parents to cut it out??