Wedding Etiquette Forum

Reception only invites for destination wedding...elopement

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married by ourselves in northern CA. We want to host a reception when we return at our home. We are having trouble with how to word the invitations. We will have a wedding tent, dance floor, food and drinks. The problem is, we want to have a "party" for our friends with an open bar, but our families would not be up for this. We are paying for it ourselves. Is there a way to word invitations to let guests know that we would prefer the drinking to start AFTER the dinner/family has dwindled? Or is it rude to not have the bar set up until later? Or what if we sent seperate invites to our friends than our family so we could word it how we wanted to each group? For instance, to our family, would it be okay for the invitations to say "yadda yadda....invite you to celebrate our marriage at a reception at our home, 5-7 pm," or something and then on the invitations to our friends write the same thing, but add something like "open bar after 8".... Thanks for any suggestions!

*EDIT
I guess I should have clarified, we are not having a destination wedding, we are just eloping. Plus, we will not be registering anywhere. We don't expect/want gifts. We will be living together soon anyway and already have everything we need.

Re: Reception only invites for destination wedding...elopement

  • Yeah, it's really rude to invite people to only part of an event. Just no. Invite them to all or nothing.
  • If it's just a party, and not a wedding reception, why not just invite the people you want there, and skip people who would frown on drinking? Also, don't expect people to bring gifts.
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I think you're having trouble figuring out how to word this because there's simply no good way to do this.

    Being married privately and then having a party later is a little questionable to some, but I don't have a major problem with it. But tiering the at-home event in any way is very sketch. Will you shepherd the family out at a certain point so the "real fun" can start? That seems odd. Your family would really have that major of a problem with an open bar at a party?
    Lizzie
  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited June 2012
    If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to decide whether or not you would like to host an event with booze.

    Why don't you have wine on the table at dinner and then open the bar after dinner?  Invite everyone to the whole reception.  If your family has a problem with it, they will leave, or whatever. 

    My family doesn't drink, except us kids, but we had booze even though they would have preferred us not too.  It was fine.  They all came and they all stayed.  Even my grandmother hit up the dance floor with the "drunk crowd". 
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  • I choose hidden option 3. Your family sucks it up and realizes people drink every now and then. If they don't like it, they don't have to partake. I don't think many people will get blasted and doing keg stands during dinner anyway, I am sure your family can make a judgement call for when they want to leave.

  • I don't think it sounds like you're trying to tier your reception, it just sounds like you come from a family of non-drinkers, with friends who are drinkers and you're trying to figure out how to accommodate everyone.

    With that said, I think Habs is giving the best advice here. She's right that you're old enough to decide whether you want alcohol at your wedding, and to not necessarily have to avoid alcohol just because that's what your family would prefer. If you want an open bar, then have an open bar and your family will just have to deal. Perhaps you could have a conversation with the family members in question (i.e. is it parents or grandparents??) that would explain why you'd like to include the alcohol and that you completely understand if they choose not to partake.

    Habs also makes a nice idea of starting out with just a bit of alcohol, perhaps wine or champagne, and then offering more selections after dinner. If you really feel like your family will seriously frown on any booze, I think you need to consider having a dry reception and then throwing another get together with friends some other time that's not wedding related.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d04bbe1e-33d4-4b2a-8973-435e90e15a9bPost:f472f078-4f93-42fc-9f83-fe01eb8708f2">Reception only invites for destination wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married by ourselves in northern CA. We want to host a reception when we return at our home. We are having trouble with how to word the invitations. We will have a wedding tent, dance floor, food and drinks. The problem is, we want to have a "party" for our friends with an open bar, but our families would not be up for this. We are paying for it ourselves. Is there a way to word invitations to let guests know that we would prefer the drinking to start AFTER the dinner/family has dwindled? Or is it rude to not have the bar set up until later? Or what if we sent seperate invites to our friends than our family so we could word it how we wanted to each group? For instance, to our family, would it be okay for the invitations to say "yadda yadda....invite you to celebrate our marriage at a reception at our home, 5-7 pm," or something and then on the invitations to our friends write the same thing, but add something like "open bar after 8".... Thanks for any suggestions!
    Posted by heartandsoul2012[/QUOTE]
    Definitely wouldn't do different invitations.
    I agree that Habs has some very good suggestions.
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  • You are hosting the party so you decide whether or not you want alcohol there.  If certain guests are uncomfortable with it then it will be up to them to decide whether or not to attend/stay.

  • If you want to serve booze, serve it the whole night, not just after you expect the people who don't drink to go home for the night. You're hosting this party, not your parents, so if you want to serve booze, be an adult and own the decision.

    My mom doesn't drink-it's not a religious thing, she just doesn't do it. She understands that not everybody else lives the way she does, and attends events with open bars without issue.


    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d04bbe1e-33d4-4b2a-8973-435e90e15a9bPost:1bcd9e60-0f16-4bdd-a853-0b7c147c2cdc">Re: Reception only invites for destination wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it's just a party, and not a wedding reception, why not just invite the people you want there, and skip people who would frown on drinking? Also, don't expect people to bring gifts.
    Posted by Knittibell[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>We don't expect gifts...just want to throw a party for friends and dinner for friends and family.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d04bbe1e-33d4-4b2a-8973-435e90e15a9bPost:66234107-549f-4265-a56d-2f715dd1ce4e">Re: Reception only invites for destination wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to decide whether or not you would like to host an event with booze. Why don't you have wine on the table at dinner and then open the bar after dinner?  Invite everyone to the whole reception.  If your family has a problem with it, they will leave, or whatever.  My family doesn't drink, except us kids, but we had booze even though they would have preferred us not too.  It was fine.  They all came and they all stayed.  Even my grandmother hit up the dance floor with the "drunk crowd". 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I really like that idea...have champagne on each table during dinner, then open the bar after dinner dwindles. Thanks for the suggestions!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d04bbe1e-33d4-4b2a-8973-435e90e15a9bPost:2bcd2129-419c-46e3-9749-b1c8453c2cb5">Re: Reception only invites for destination wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So you're not letting anyone come to the actual wedding, but you still want the party with the booze and the cake and the gifts?
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>We are having a destination wedding with just us.... I've been to many "reception only" weddings for people who married far away. We do not want/expect gifts, and will note that on the invites. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d04bbe1e-33d4-4b2a-8973-435e90e15a9bPost:66234107-549f-4265-a56d-2f715dd1ce4e">Re: Reception only invites for destination wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to decide whether or not you would like to host an event with booze. Why don't you have wine on the table at dinner and then open the bar after dinner?  Invite everyone to the whole reception.  If your family has a problem with it, they will leave, or whatever.  My family doesn't drink, except us kids, but we had booze even though they would have preferred us not too.  It was fine.  They all came and they all stayed.  Even my grandmother hit up the dance floor with the "drunk crowd". 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Wonderful, thanks!</div>
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