Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bachelorette Party Drama!

My MOH, sister, planned my bachelorette party for this Saturday. My friends knew from the beginning that there were some things she wanted to keep a surprise. One of my friends, Kris had asked me to ask my sister not to cash her check until a certain date. I said I would, but when it came time to do it, my sister waited to get everyone else's checks before cashing all of them so she waited a little longer. Now that it's time to pay for the limo, Kris asked my sister to not cash the check this time until the 28th. My sister sent me an annoyed email saying she needed the money right away and she cannot afford to pay for her also. I called my friend, calmly asking what was going on. She got defensive and acted like I should find a solution for her. I asked her if she ever thought of deducting that money like when you balance your check book...I was irritated by that point. I've had problems like this with her in the past. I thought that by now, things would be different. She's a year older than me, married, with two incomes and I still don't understand how she can be so financially irresponsible. I asked another one of my friends to spare her, then my sis can cash her check when she has the funds. I don't need this stress right now! I'm supposed to be excited for my party but right now I'm just bummed. Had to vent, thanks!
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Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!

  • I know it can be frustrating but you can neverunderstand ppls finaces even when they are better off and still "broke" some ppl cant handle money. Try to understand. I would try and see if maybe you and some other people can make up for it and then when they cash the check you can redistribute it
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  • I know it sounds horrible of me to say this, but it's the truth. She puts herself in this position. She is the kind of girl who thought her husband was going to make all of the money and she could stay home so she didn't have to work. They HAD to move into the most expensive apartments because she couldn't imagine living anywhere else. She HAS to go shopping for unecessary things to make it seem like she has a lot of money. I honestly don't even know what he have in common anymore. :/ We had a mutual friend that has completely cut her out of her life because she got tired of her lifestyle. I think I may have to do the same. it's been too many years of this. As her friend, it kills me to see her go through this, but like I said, her problems are completely preventable.
  • Just because there are two incomes in a household does not mean she has access to two incomes.  You sound whiny...and that's a lot coming from me tonight.
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  • Your BM does not HAVE TO pay for any part of your B party. It's nice if she can, but certainly not required. No matter how close you are (or think you are) to a person, you may not know about her financial situation as well as you think you do. Even if she does make good money and have "two incomes", it is NOT your place to decide how she spends her money, or, for that matter, to judge her for her spending habits when she can't (or doesn't want to) pay for your B party.

  • I feel kind of bad for this friend. She's obviously got some feelings of inadequacy, and she doesn't know how to balance that with her cash flow. I can see how it would annoy you, but really, you need to stay out of it. Her cash problems are her business, and if she's in a position where she owes people, that's not your problem either.
  • edited June 2010
    I have to agree with PPs. It's absolutely not your place to judge her spending, access to income, etc. It's also definitely not your place to lecture her about balancing her checkbook. I think it's really nice that she offered/wanted to pay for your B party and for that, you should be very, very grateful. Even if things pan out in a way that doesn't allow her to actually come through on that, the fact that she tried is very nice.

    And I'm assuming there's a lot more to this story, because I don't want to believe that you're actually thinking about de-friending (IRL) someone because you don't agree with the way she manages her finances...

    Why don't you just stay out of all of this as much as you can? Surely you didn't ask for your BMs to throw your B party for you, so why do you need to be the go-between for everyone regarding making payments for the party?
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  • edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:1cf77533-d1c5-4176-ad8a-3b6d3439b571">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your BM does not HAVE TO pay for any part of your B party. It's nice if she can, but certainly not required. No matter how close you are (or think you are) to a person, you may not know about her financial situation as well as you think you do. Even if she does make good money and have "two incomes", it is NOT your place to decide how she spends her money, or, for that matter, to judge her for her spending habits when she can't (or doesn't want to) pay for your B party.
    Posted by Krysti21[/QUOTE]

    This spill of pieced together canned answers is swell and all, but you seem to be missing the point that this girl has said she would pay.  With a check.  That she wrote.  And then delayed.  Twice. 

    Thats beyond annoying.   I'd be irritated too if someones continued inability to get their sh*t together was affecting myself and others who actually lived up to the finanical obligations we said we would take on. 

    This place kills me sometimes.  Seriously. 

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • I am wanting to agree with East.  If the girl wrote the check, she is essentially agreeing to pay her share.  I would be annoyed too.  If she is having financial difficulties she should have not agreed to going in on the party. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:c070afa8-5290-4ce8-a40a-88f095e493c8">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Drama! : This spill of pieced together canned answers is swell and all, but you seem to be missing the point that this girl has said she would pay.  With a check.  That she wrote.  And then delayed.  Twice.  Thats beyond annoying.   I'd be irritated too if someones continued inability to get their sh*t together was affecting myself and others who actually lived up to the finanical obligations we said we would take on.  This place kills me sometimes.  Seriously. 
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it's very annoying. I agree. But OP (or sister - can't tell which at this point) put herself in the situation to be right in the middle of this all. It was her B party, but MOH was the one organizing everything and chose to make decisions with the assumption that everyone who said they would give her a check would actually deliver.

    I probably would have set a budget after talking to the other girls who offered to help, obtained cash from everyone first, and then planned a B party within that budget. Instead, she prepaid for (or at least prebooked/used) services for the party and when she experienced difficulty with one of the BMs and making payment, emailed OP angrily. OP then called the BM in question.

    I just fail to see why this is OP's burden now. And even still, I can't imagine myself in a situation where I would judge a friend of mine for suddenly being unable to deliver on a financial obligation that was made out of kindness. I guess it's possible that I don't really understand the true nature of this BM - maybe she really is a crotch-rocket, but then why is a crotch-rocket in your bridal party? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:c259edf8-8f48-4f32-9350-57c05fe9c68d">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am wanting to agree with East.  If the girl wrote the check, she is essentially agreeing to pay her share.  I would be annoyed too.  If she is having financial difficulties she should have not agreed to going in on the party. 
    Posted by hd7694[/QUOTE]

    I agree. But sometimes stupid people have really good intentions and they just fuuck up somewhere. I'm sure BM will pay her share eventually - it's not like she said she didn't want to pay ever - she just needs a bit more time.
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  • I would be annoyed but at the same time you can't get into it with finaces its her business. Yes she did essentially agree to pay but maybe her car broke down or she had to go to see a doctor i think the check could wait 2 more weeks. If she delays it again I dont know what to tell you bc its not like you should get in the bisiness of who payed for what but at the same time it is your friend
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  • Wow...I was really beginning to think I was being EXTREMELY out of this world unreasonable. Thanks for understanding, Eastunder and HD. My sister began planning it all. Mind you, she is a full time college student who works at CVS making $9/hr and she's paid for herself AND me. Sent an email to my friends, saying OK, here's the deal. It's going to cost you. Granted, if we can get so many people, (let's say 10) your cost is $84. Who's in? This was MONTHS ago. Kris said she was in, but did not pay up. Now another girlfriend of mine is forking over her share hoping that Kris does pay her back. I happen to know everything about her financial standing because she TELLS me about it. I'm not assuming or making up stories. SHE should be grateful that my friend is paying for her. My whole deal is, why be angry with me? If she would have said, you know I'm really sorry, we're having issues, etc, etc I would have been sympathetic to her situation, (though it's happened on more than one occasion) but her nasty attitude is uncalled for, especially when I really DO NOT need this stress right now.
  • edited June 2010
    I mean, we're talking about 11 days here. I'm imagining a lot more than a friend wanting to help contribute to my B party and needing me to hold off on cashing the check for a few more days would have to happen before I would decide to write someone off and de-friend her.

    I know she's being flaky and annoying with the requests to wait to deposit the check, but again, she seems to really want to contribute, which I think is nice and you never know what someone is going through financially. She may be going through a very rough time.

    Edit: I did not see the most recent post of OP's with more info until after this posted.
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  • Paragraphs are your friend. No clue what your questions it, but no.
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  • ps the 28th is my birthday
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  • I don't see why you are collecting on your sister's behalf. You shouldnt be involved in how much it costs if someone else agreed to host for you. Your sister needs to deal with your friend and not involve you in the drama. Take yourself out of that situation ASAP. Tell your friend to call your sister directly.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:277170e6-6cd7-4e34-99cd-995b9e4d3da2">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow...I was really beginning to think I was being EXTREMELY out of this world unreasonable. <strong>Thanks for understanding, Eastunder and HD.</strong> My sister began planning it all. Mind you, she is a full time college student who works at CVS making $9/hr and she's paid for herself AND me. Sent an email to my friends, saying OK, here's the deal. It's going to cost you. Granted, if we can get so many people, (let's say 10) your cost is $84. Who's in? This was MONTHS ago. Kris said she was in, but did not pay up. Now another girlfriend of mine is forking over her share hoping that Kris does pay her back. I happen to know everything about her financial standing because she TELLS me about it. I'm not assuming or making up stories. SHE should be grateful that my friend is paying for her. My whole deal is, why be angry with me? If she would have said, you know I'm really sorry, we're having issues, etc, etc I would have been sympathetic to her situation, (though it's happened on more than one occasion) but her nasty attitude is uncalled for, especially when I really DO NOT need this stress right now.
    Posted by GCsn2bRhds[/QUOTE]

    So you only liked the answers that validated you? I said I understood how you felt, but there is an inverse relationship between my sympathy for you and the frequency with which you invoke the caps lock.

    Also, take a deep breath. Ask your sister to handle this, since she's the one who organized everything, as you say, and made plans for a B party that seemed to be on the expensive side without cash in hand from those who offered to contribute first.
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  • Thunderstealing...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:f2c6d327-448a-48b3-9ba4-b7237770adaa">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thunderstealing...
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    This is the best kind of thunder to steal!
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:f2c6d327-448a-48b3-9ba4-b7237770adaa">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thunderstealing...
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    HOARS.
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  • Are you kidding me?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:c070afa8-5290-4ce8-a40a-88f095e493c8">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Drama! : This spill of pieced together canned answers is swell and all, but you seem to be missing the point that this girl has said she would pay.  With a check.  That she wrote.  And then delayed.  Twice.  Thats beyond annoying.   I'd be irritated too if someones continued inability to get their sh*t together was affecting myself and others who actually lived up to the finanical obligations we said we would take on.  This place kills me sometimes.  Seriously. 
    Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

    Eh. I can definitely agree that it would be annoying, but I still think that the OP may not know the full extent of her friend's finances. Her friend may be embarassed about this whole thing...I would be. She did agree to pay, and should follow through if possible, but something may have changed for her, especially if she agreed to this "months" ago, as the OP just clarified.
  • I don't even know why I solicit any form of advice on here from strangers.
    I have a life, thanks.
  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:5ae433b6-2ce1-4b60-9625-fff9359edc21">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't even know why I solicit any form of advice on here from strangers. I have a life, thanks.
    Posted by GCsn2bRhds[/QUOTE]

    Actually I've found that strangers give the best advice because they are unbiased.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:5ae433b6-2ce1-4b60-9625-fff9359edc21">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't even know why I solicit any form of advice on here from strangers. <strong>I have a life, thanks.</strong>
    Posted by GCsn2bRhds[/QUOTE]

    Oh? I thought you were here...?

    Strange!
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  • Muwahahaha. She's mad partly because I had Corona's. Nyuk Nyuk
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  • Here's my advice:

    Take your full names out of your blog.  There are crazy people lurking on the interwebz.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:b1faecb3-c60e-4b7d-a4ef-6a1d2a6a898d">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Muwahahaha. She's mad partly because I had Corona's. Nyuk Nyuk
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    That's understandable, OP. I'm actually mad as well that there are not Coronas in my fists right this moment. But tomorrow's another day...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:b1faecb3-c60e-4b7d-a4ef-6a1d2a6a898d">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Muwahahaha. She's mad partly because I had Corona's. Nyuk Nyuk
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]
    WIN!
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0981651-ac33-471d-af8e-af5622ace597Post:9675e1d2-7a81-4383-a4ff-6b5d29aa14d7">Re: Bachelorette Party Drama!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't see why you are collecting on your sister's behalf. You shouldnt be involved in how much it costs if someone else agreed to host for you. Your sister needs to deal with your friend and not involve you in the drama. Take yourself out of that situation ASAP. Tell your friend to call your sister directly.
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]


    THIS. 
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