help....

futurejimerson

Okay, here is the background/story.

How do we find out if people actually want to come to our wedding?  We live 6-8hrs from friends and family.  I know many of our friends want to be included with the STDs and invites but may not be able to come.  We don't mind sharing with them this way, but if they actually plan on coming out I need to know in order to choose the correct venue.  We are not talking about hundreds of people.  We are keeping our wedding small and those that have requested STDs etc...would be more than welcome but I would need to change venue locations. 

I think this rambling......does any of this make sense?  Is it okay to flat out ask them and if so how do you word it?

chattychiqa

So you're trying to ascertain a tentative head count & stress to your A listers that you really want them there, and the venue you choose is dependent upon that? Do I understand correctly? My biggest concern would be finding the right venue but it's unavailable on the tentative date, if that makes sense.

froggatt.clare

I think you're over-thinking this.

You shouldn't send the STD until you have a venue, because the venue you find might not be available on that date.

Set a budget, find a venue that will accommodate your guests at your price point, and then send STDs.  People will do what they can to come to a wedding, regardless of the distance from home.  The STDs ARE an invite, so anyone who receives one must also receive an invitation.  You can't call up 200 of your friends and family and say "we need to know now whether or not you will come to our wedding."  Things change with peoples' schedules and finanaces, so some who think now that they will come may not be able to when it comes time to make reservations, and vice versa.

Loopyseven

You need to choose a venue that wil accommdoate a 100% acceptance rate.  If you are worried about having a high rate of decline, make sure you do not have a minimum headcount in your contract that you have to pay for even if that many people don't attend.  With notice any number of people may decide to make a trip for a wedding.

futurejimerson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-35?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0e69c31-0762-426d-9979-9b5794f9b5c4Post:bedcf6ba-0031-4e23-a8a2-2caf5146830c">Re: help....</a>:
[QUOTE]So you're trying to ascertain a tentative head count & stress to your A listers that you really want them there, and the venue you choose is dependent upon that? Do I understand correctly? My biggest concern would be finding the right venue but it's unavailable on the tentative date, if that makes sense.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]


This is pretty much what I am trying to do.  I am looking at venues on Friday and if I hate venue #1 (the smaller of the two) then all of this becomes a mute point! LOL  Thank you everyone for your input. 

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-35?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0e69c31-0762-426d-9979-9b5794f9b5c4Post:e75e263e-0423-41d6-9fb6-2093f177c5dc">Re: help....</a>:
[QUOTE]You need to choose a venue that wil accommdoate a 100% acceptance rate.  If you are worried about having a high rate of decline, make sure you do not have a minimum headcount in your contract that you have to pay for even if that many people don't attend.  With notice any number of people may decide to make a trip for a wedding.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

<div>Also, some venues will work with you if you go under a minimum headcount.  My venue will let us add "extras" like a Viennese hour and chocolate fountains to make up the difference if we don't meet our minimum - obviously, this doesn't save us money, but it does help us actually get value for what we pay, instead of just paying some arbitrary minimum and getting nothing if we go under.</div>

divadancer11

I would base your search on your total guest count and also make sure of the minimum (guests or revenue) that location has.

NOLAbridealmost

I wouldn't send out any STDs or extend verbal invites to anyone until a venue has already been booked.  Then you invite guests based on the size of the venue. 

You're putting the cart before the horse. 

Plus, without a venue you can't even be positive of the date because it's possible to not find any venues that are available on the tentative date.

whitsy

*moot point. :-)

RaptorSLH

Send STDs only to those that fit in the venue.  Practice saying "Unfortunately, we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted, and had to make some tough decisions.  So how 'bout that (insert change of subject here.)  If you think people just want a souvenier, you can send them a wedding announcement after the fact, but a STD is an invitation, and you must honor it if they say yes.  Don't let people talk their way into your wedding by demanding STDs if the venue and budget can't accomodate them (or you and FI simply don't consider them close enough to include.)

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-35?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d0e69c31-0762-426d-9979-9b5794f9b5c4Post:630eb87c-0c70-41d8-8a08-4c71f0f391df">Re: help....</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't send out any STDs or extend verbal invites to anyone until a venue has already been booked.  Then you invite guests based on the size of the venue.  You're putting the cart before the horse.  Plus, without a venue you can't even be positive of the date because it's possible to not find any venues that are available on the tentative date.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with NOLA.  Also, you should be making your guestlist by thinking about who you and your FI would like to have at your wedding, not who requests an invitation.  </div>