How do I nicely say this is tacky?

egm900

My MOH texted me and suggested I bring my thank you note envelopes to my shower this weekend so everyone can address their own.  I find this to be extremely tacky- the time consuming part is getting everyone's addresses, addressing 20 thank you notes will seriously take less than 10 minutes, maybe less than 5 considering she made a spreadsheet and they are conveniently divided into whether the person is coming or not, so I could just start with my envelopes and go down the list.  

Since I'm currently at the end of my rope because of other things, my response if left to my own devices is to say that's tacky, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.  Any thoughts as to what to say in 160 characters or less?  

adamar15

Just tell her you'd rather do them yourself.  I woudn't have a problem telling her you think it's tacky.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:a699cc7f-df5f-42d5-bbcf-68f99872fd3e">How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH texted me and suggested I bring my thank you note envelopes to my shower this weekend so everyone can address their own.  I find this to be extremely tacky- the time consuming part is getting everyone's addresses, addressing 20 thank you notes will seriously take less than 10 minutes, maybe less than 5 considering she made a spreadsheet and they are conveniently divided into whether the person is coming or not, so I could just start with my envelopes and go down the list.   Since I'm currently at the end of my rope because of other things, my response if left to my own devices is to say that's tacky, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.  Any thoughts as to what to say in 160 characters or less?  
Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

Just tell her you prefer to address the ty notes yourself.  End of convo!
My cousin did the same thing at her baby shower.  I thought it was weird and LAZY!

CurlsNpearls12

Unfortunately, my MOH didn't give me a choice for this same thing. I showed up to my shower, everything being a surprise, not knowing a thing that was planned. At the end of the shower, I was handed 48 envelopes that were all addressed by my shower guests. Apparently nobody thought it was a big deal, so I just let it go.

But since your MOH is just suggesting it, I would tell her right away that you'd rather address the envelopes yourself. Like you said.. 10 minutes is nothing to address them yourself.

[Deleted User]

a simple, "no big deal i can do it" is fine
OR....
the day of the shower...."oh darn with everything else going on, I left them at home"

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:f6f16cb0-9725-4870-a7e9-46acb6918b88">Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]a simple, "no big deal i can do it" is fine OR.... the day of the shower...."oh darn with everything else going on, I left them at home"
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

Yup, this.  No need to tell her it's tacky.  Because that would kind of be tacky.

kaos16

I have never heard of having guests address their own thank you envelopes.  Is this a common occurance?

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:c3f46291-abfa-47a2-a95a-7e87460711f6">Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never heard of having guests address their own thank you envelopes.  Is this a common occurance?
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

It kind of seems as though it's becoming so. I'm definitely not a fan.

annie912

I would go the "oops, I forgot them" route as well.

My dentist's office makes me address the postcard they send me every six months to come in for my cleaning/checkup. Considering I'm actually paying them, I get a little annoyed by that. Seriously, you guys don't have a mailing list on the computer to print out labels for these things? For a shower in which I spent money to purchase a gift? Even worse. But it is really hard to tell someone their idea is tacky, especially when it's given in the spirit of trying to make things easier for you.

Psych819

I would say, I perfer to address them myself but thanks for trying to help save me time. 

marriedfilingjointly

"That's really thoughtful of you, but I'd rather address them myself.   See you at the shower!  Thanks for everything you are doing for me!"

Summer2011Bride

I had never heard of doing this until I came on TK. Maybe it's a circle/regional thing. Either way, I agree it's tacky. I think PPs gave good suggestions on how to get out of doing this without coming right and saying it's tacky.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:c3f46291-abfa-47a2-a95a-7e87460711f6">Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never heard of having guests address their own thank you envelopes.  Is this a common occurance?
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

It is in my area/social group.  Every.Single.Shower. I've attended has done this.  I never had a second thought about it until I came on TK.  I didn't have a shower though so no need to worry about it at my own, but I still fully expect to have it happen at every shower I go to in the future.  I'm not offended by it, but if you don't want to do it, just let the host know that you'd prefer to address them yourself.

brittneyh4

My aunt tried to get me to do this too, and I told her I had some idea of coloring the invitations with the design from our theme as an excuse. I just made sure her and her daughters thank you was "fancier" so she thought I did do it.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:939410ec-3a34-473b-9327-b6ffefda9112">Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How do I nicely say this is tacky? : My cousin did the same thing at her baby shower.  I thought it was weird and LAZY!
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]
This really, really bothers me. Likely your cousin didn't do this, and you're judging her. It was probably the host of the shower.

My MIL suggested doing this for my shower. I know she was trying to be helpful to me. But I did what everyone's suggesting here and told her "I appreciate the thought, but I'd feel more comfortable addressing the envelopes myself." Then, when I arrived at the shower, I discovered this had already been done. There was nothing I could do about it.

It still pains me to think that people judged me for that. And based on the comment above and similar comments I've seen here over time, they most likely did. At least some of them.

egm900

Thanks everyone, great suggestions (which is why I asked). I said I would prefer to do it myself, I thought it wouldn't take very long since I had the list, but thanks for the thought and it was NBD.

I've never understood why I need to address my own thank you note, if I'm there, I got an invitation, so clearly they have my address.  The note is what takes the most time to write, addressing the envelope is nothing compared to that.  It also seems to take longer to pass out the envelopes, find enough pens/pencils, gather them back up, etc.  If the baby shower is planned right around the baby's arrival, I'll give them that one, but otherwise it just seems silly. I will probably think better of people that has this happens at their shower though, considering PP's comments about not wanting it and it was done anyway.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:c3f46291-abfa-47a2-a95a-7e87460711f6">Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never heard of having guests address their own thank you envelopes.  Is this a common occurance?
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

I have been to many bridal and baby showers where the host provides the thank you notes and we all address them.  I guess I never gave a second thought about it, but now that you think about it...it is a bit on the tacky side.
But I will look at it as we are providing a little help to perhaps a very busy bride or momma to be.

marriedfilingjointly

If you're too busy to sit down for 30 minutes and write and address thank-you cards, you are too busy to sit down for 2 hours and open thoughtful, heartfelt gifts from people who care about you.  

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-nicely-say-this-is-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d169ea34-9cd7-4bbc-9276-e9d2ba74f792Post:4942d63b-a0ff-43f8-8dbe-823514a0c8b2">Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I nicely say this is tacky? : This really, really bothers me. <strong>Likely your cousin didn't do this, and you're judging her. It was probably the host of the shower.</strong> My MIL suggested doing this for my shower. I know she was trying to be helpful to me. But I did what everyone's suggesting here and told her "I appreciate the thought, but I'd feel more comfortable addressing the envelopes myself." Then, when I arrived at the shower, I discovered this had already been done. There was nothing I could do about it. It still pains me to think that people judged me for that. And based on the comment above and similar comments I've seen here over time, they most likely did. At least some of them.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Um, yeah it was my cousin who did this.  She planned the entire shower herself and her mother "hosted" it.  And yes, I did judge her for that.  But then again, it was the first time I ever saw a "fill out your own thank you card envelope" table so I was like, wtf?!
My cousins shower was completely different then your situation you described.  I'm sorry your MIL did not respect your wishes on doing this.  

smilesp

I hate this! I feel like asking if they want me to go ahead and write a ty note to myself as well.

Britoz

Oh... whoops. I already addressed them. Thanks though!

No harm done to your guests or your MOH's feelings.