sending invitations: How late is too late?

bodonkidonk

I feel so rude asking this right now, but i just need a different perspective than mine...
We have a small-ish venue, not super tiny, but not super big.  We created our guest list back in the springtime, and we were shocked at how large it actually was.  We knew we wouldn't be able to accomodate more than 125 people.  So we created 3 different lists:  "Absolutely" must be invited (very close friends and relatives), "Maybe" list (good friends), and "No" list (hardly know them, work people, and anyone we haven't seen in the past couple years)

So my fiance` was very much the 'strong' one and put a lot of people on the maybe and the no list.  I was upset, but understood that we just couldn't accomodate all that many people, and that everyone is an adult and would understand.... but now we have only 93 people rsvp'd.  and I feel awful, because some of the maybe list definately should have been invited.  but now we are only 3 weeks until the wedding and i know it is too late to include those people.  i am wondering how many other people have gone through this?  what did you do?  how did you overcome feelings of guilt? 
One person inparticular is the father of the flower girl!  He is separated (very messy situation) from the mother of the flower girl.  they are both our friends, but i am honestly closer to the mother.  My fiance told me i shouldn't invite him, and now i just keep thinking he will miss his little girl being a flower girl.... ugh.  i feel pretty yucky.

zippityb

I decided not to invite anyone from China, so I put them on my "no" list. My Excel spreadsheet exploded.

FutureMrsTR

I realized that a lot of the people we cut probably didn't care as much as we thought they did about not being invited.  I had to keep reminding myself that our wedding wasn't as important to other people as it was to us.

marissa_claire

Can't even answer this.  I couldn't get past the fact you created a "no" list.  

laurenclaire1386

I think TR is right on the money. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to invite everyone you wanted to. That's just how it is sometimes. I'm realizing now that after fretting over our guestlist being too large, we're probably going to have a lot of declines and that makes the arguments I had with FI about the guestlist completely ridiculous. That's what I feel bad about. Arguing over something stupid. That I was wrong about anyway. At this point, I don't even really care who shows up. I'm so over this crap. Wedding planning is for the birds.

Snippylynn

I shall name thee Donk of the Moronia Tribe.

georgia_bride09

To add to other PPs, don't add anyone now. You're three weeks out; just enjoy the people that will be there.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sending-invitations-late-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1cfcb6c-be42-48eb-abf4-aa1bcbd63ecfPost:bb2a1a83-d826-4c6c-b9bb-73e5f3826bf6">Re: sending invitations: How late is too late?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can't even answer this.  I couldn't get past the fact you created a "no" list.  
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]


ditto.

[Deleted User]

The guest list is thus far my only nemesis with wedding planning.

Fact is, you came to an agreement on a "yes" list somehow.  Stick to it, and you'll save yourself a lot of stress.

marissa_claire

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sending-invitations-late-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1cfcb6c-be42-48eb-abf4-aa1bcbd63ecfPost:9f2e315b-ebf5-4141-a52a-d61d0fafe32c">Re: sending invitations: How late is too late?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: sending invitations: How late is too late? : ditto.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Right?  Why would you create a list of people you aren't going to invite?  

</div>

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sending-invitations-late-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1cfcb6c-be42-48eb-abf4-aa1bcbd63ecfPost:2908caa8-3a44-439a-974d-1bd7e94e76ed">sending invitations: How late is too late?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel so rude asking this right now, but i just need a different perspective than mine... We have a small-ish venue, not super tiny, but not super big.  We created our guest list back in the springtime, and we were shocked at how large it actually was.  We knew we wouldn't be able to accomodate more than 125 people.  So we created 3 different lists:  "Absolutely" must be invited (very close friends and relatives), "Maybe" list (good friends), and "No" list (hardly know them, work people, and anyone we haven't seen in the past couple years) So my fiance` was very much the 'strong' one and put a lot of people on the maybe and the no list.  I was upset, but understood that we just couldn't accomodate all that many people, and that everyone is an adult and would understand.... but now we have only 93 people rsvp'd.  and I feel awful, because some of the maybe list definately should have been invited.  but now we are only 3 weeks until the wedding and<strong> i know it is too late to include those people.  i am wondering how many other people have gone through this?  what did you do?  how did you overcome feelings of guilt?</strong>  One person inparticular is the father of the flower girl!  He is separated (very messy situation) from the mother of the flower girl.  they are both our friends, but i am honestly closer to the mother.  My fiance told me i shouldn't invite him, and now i just keep thinking he will miss his little girl being a flower girl.... ugh.  i feel pretty yucky.
Posted by bodonkidonk[/QUOTE]

You know it's too late to include those people, so there's nothing to do.

I don't really understand why you feel guilty now. I understand how you might have felt guilty when making your "yes" list that you couldn't put everyone on it, but that decision was already made. No point in feeling bad about it now.

FutureMrsTR

I don't think she really "created" a no list, more that they had a BIG list of people they would want to invite and then made cuts, some more definite than others.  Not that they sat around going, "Oh, we're definitely not inviting Creepy Carl from Burger Palace" put him on the NO list.

ohwhynot

There's nothing you can do about it now.  You already know that 3 weeks out is too late to invite anyone.  Console yourself with knowing that they care a LOT less about it than you do. 

[Deleted User]

I don't know anything about the relationships you have with the others on the secondy and tertiary lists, but the one person that you may be able to get away with is the father of the flower girl and and guest for him. Be honest and tell him the situation you were in. Now that things are different and you can extend an invitation, it would be nice to do so since it is not even about you, but about him seeing his daughter.

Others may disagree with me, but this situation may be cause for exception.

mica178

We originally were hoping for about 150-180 guests, but we ended up with 135 due to last minute cancellations.  Honestly, the venue was roomier and our catering bill was lower because of this lower number.  It was easier to say hi to everyone.  You only have 3 weeks to go.  If someone who was already invited calls and asks if he/she can bring a date, say yes.  Otherwise, put your attention towards last minute wedding stuff and enjoy the last bits of being engaged.

bodonkidonk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sending-invitations-late-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1cfcb6c-be42-48eb-abf4-aa1bcbd63ecfPost:bcd18a92-a699-4a3b-af39-be4e8220ae18">Re: sending invitations: How late is too late?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think she really "created" a no list, more that they had a BIG list of people they would want to invite and then made cuts, some more definite than others.  Not that they sat around going, "Oh, we're definitely not inviting Creepy Carl from Burger Palace" put him on the NO list.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Thank you, THANK you for posting this.  Wow, I hate communicating via a forum. 

I feel much better now.  :{

the reason i am feeling bad NOW, is because it is getting closer to the day, and some folks are probably realizing they haven't recieved an invite, and so I have all of a sudden recieved lot's of questions out of the blue about how the 'wedding planning is going'.  some of the questions feel very, 'hey, wait?  where's my invite?' like.... so i have been questioning all of a sudden more than i was before... 

bodonkidonk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sending-invitations-late-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1cfcb6c-be42-48eb-abf4-aa1bcbd63ecfPost:9f2e315b-ebf5-4141-a52a-d61d0fafe32c">Re: sending invitations: How late is too late?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: sending invitations: How late is too late? : ditto.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I didn't sit there and "CREATE" a no list, i simply removed some people from the original HUMONGOUS list that was a first draft.  Maybe i should have worded it differently.  Wow guys.  I worded that weird, but please just drop it now.  :(

Beachy730

I got what you meant about your "no" list.  Almost eveyone has made cuts to their original guest lists, and some people don't like to read full posts before they pass judgment on you.

After making cuts to our guest list, we ended up inviting 275.  Our final head count from RSVPs was 195.  We were definitely all upset at the cuts we made when we found out that in the end we could have invited them, but there's nothing you can do about it.  Looking back I can't imagine what it would have been like if we had everyone there.  Just think, its less people you have to make a point of talking to, and more time to enjoy your wedding night with those you love.

bodonkidonk

oh, it's ok!  i went back and re-read, and yes, my post did sound funny.

yes, i'll deal with it, thank you.  i did read the posts, i feel ok now.  It's just that me and my fiance are both involved with a large organization, sports hobby, in our free time.  Everyone knows one another, and we have been very polite by not talking too much about the wedding, but some folks are closer than others and recieved invites, and some haven't, but because we all are involved in the same hobby i can understand some people assuming they would be invited too.

that is why my situation is a little more difficult than the average bride needing to make cuts.  The organization meets twice maybe more times a week, so it can be difficult how to determine close friends with who you might just see a lot.... you see?

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sending-invitations-late-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1cfcb6c-be42-48eb-abf4-aa1bcbd63ecfPost:e2dca2ca-2790-4c32-9121-31cd1ff08936">Re: sending invitations: How late is too late?</a>:
[QUOTE]oh, it's ok!  i went back and re-read, and yes, my post did sound funny. yes, i'll deal with it, thank you.  i did read the posts, i feel ok now.  It's just that me and my fiance are both involved with a large organization, sports hobby, in our free time.  Everyone knows one another, and we have been very polite by not talking too much about the wedding, but some folks are closer than others and recieved invites, and some haven't, but because we all are involved in the same hobby i can understand some people assuming they would be invited too. that is why my situation is a little more difficult than the average bride needing to make cuts.  The organization meets twice maybe more times a week, so it can be difficult how to determine close friends with who you might just see a lot.... you see?
Posted by bodonkidonk[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I definitley understand this. I would love to invite everyone from the bootcamp I go to 6 days a week, my triathlon training group, and my coworkers, but that would have tripled our guest list. I've known these people for a long time, and I really enjoy their company outside of those activities. Its sad, but I think most people understand when you tell them that its just family and really close friends. At least all of my friends did. Stick with that line. Its going to be ok. 

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