Guest substitutes?

rausch879

What's the rule about guest substitutes?  For example, Jack and Jill are married and invited as a couple to the wedding.  Jill has a friendship with one of the moms, but not the bride or groom.  Jack can't come, and Jill refuses to travel alone, so Jill says she's bringing their daughter instead of Jack, or she's not coming.  The invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jack, not Ms. Jill and guest.

Thoughts???

Thanks!

Stackeye210

I think it's rude of guests to substitute.  It's one thing if the envelope is addressed Mrs Jill and guest, then you choose who you bring - it is quite another if it is addressed to Mr and Mrs Specific names.  You do not change the names, you simply decline if you refuse to travel alone. 

opalsky007

It's not polite of her to do that, but on the other hand, you've already reserved two spots in her honor, and you shouldn't be trying to give one of them away to someone else anyway. 

I'd let it slide, unless the daughter is a child and you're having a child-free wedding or something.

Brandiewine11

Yeah, its rude of her to do that, but, if you've already reserved a spot, I'd say let it go. I'd rather have someone eat a meal i've already paid for than let it go to waste. It's also easier not to get stressed about it.

nurse.misty

Agree with both PP's views. Since she is traveling for the wedding, I would probably just let it slide though. Some people are really uncomfortable traveling alone.

BrideCa2011

In this situation, I wouldn't really care.  I care more if it is just random people bringing extra's, but a husband who can't come so the (adult?) daughter coming?  I think that is fine- and it sounds like she let you know beforehand right? 

jessicabessica

It's rude to substitute guests, and even worse if she just told you she was doing it, rather than asking if it was ok.  If you can let it go, since it won't be any extra people, I would just let it go, although it's weird that Jill is willing to go through the trouble of traveling to the wedding if she's not friends with the bride or groom (I don't understand if Jack is friends with the bride or groom, or if they both are just friends with one of the parents). 

Habs2Hart

I had my SM's friend ask them to ask me if she could bring her 10 year old son to the wedding if her husband can't make it... we are having no kids. 

rausch879

Jack has no real relationship with anyone.  Jill and one of the moms are friends.  The groom has never met any of these people, and the bride has met Jill and the daughter once.  (Bride never met Jack, but that seemed to be beside the point.)  Bride and Jill got along fine, but Bride and daughter didn't, eh, fit as friends, shall we say.  The couple has only invited people to the wedding who are either family or close friends.  This is the one exception.

waitingformay

Someone just asked me if they could do this the other day. From a budget/capacity perspective it was fine, but I did feel awkward since I know the person and he did not make the original guest list. But hey, I figured if he doesn't feel awkward about it then it's fine with me! I just thought it was an odd request since this person knows a lot of other people there.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-substitutes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d213e5ed-eefd-4447-b122-66aa2412aa49Post:7881e927-0b38-4ee5-acfb-da031370b6e9">Re: Guest substitutes?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had my SM's friend ask them to ask me if she could bring her 10 year old son to the wedding if her husband can't make it... we are having no kids. 
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

My mom's cousin emailed her to ask if she can bring her kids (yes, kids plural) instead of her husband.  We are having kids generally, but we didn't invite those kids, and we didn't reserve unlimited seats for her (and we have reason to think she'll RSVP yes and no show, which is a separate issue). 

And OP, I think if you'd rather not have the daughter there, you can tell her that the invitation was for Jack and Jill, and leave it at that, although it could cause a problem in the mom/Jill friendship, so the bride should decide how much it's worth to her not to have Jill's daughter there.