Wedding Etiquette Forum

Strippers for the Bachelor Party

I know this can be a hot topic here, so I apologize for beating this dead horse. 

We had our bachelor/bachelorette parties this weekend, and his went to a strip club, which I was okay with. 
When I said I was okay with it, I was thinking of the stippers on the stage.  To be honest, lap dances never even crossed my mind.  So when he told me that his best man bought him 3 lap dances, it's really been bothering me.  The idea of other girls, ones that he definitely found attractive, being in such a position really makes me uncomfortable.

He didn't do anything wrong, I am not mad at him.  I guess I just wish I never knew about this.  I don't know what goes on in those rooms, and I didn't ask, because I don't want it to bother me even more.  Obviously, that is not working. 

Do you have any advice on how to get myself over this?

Re: Strippers for the Bachelor Party

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    time?  I do not know.  things like that do not bother me enough to dewel on them.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Honestly, this would probably bother me too.  BUT, it sounds like your fiance told you about this on his own, so he wasn't trying to hide it from you.  That inclines me to think that he is trustworthy and didn't let things get too far (usually I don't think the guys are allowed to touch the girls anyway). 
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    Look at it this way-- at least he was being honest.  I wouldn't say anything to him because that would just sort of "punish" him for telling you what happened. 
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    I get how it can make you feel all weird inside, but to me it's just not that big of a deal.

    You don't know he found them attractive, and he's not marrying them. If he really thought he did anything wrong or betrayed you in anyway, he wouldn't have told you about it, ya know?

    Strippers happen. It's ok. Sorry you feel gunky about it, though.
    Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.

    The Margarita Evolution
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    Also, if this is really bothering you, just level with him and tell him how you feel in a non-accusatory way.  You may feel better after talking it over.  It's important that you two are on the same page about this kind of thing.

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    I don't really know how you could have not known that he would have lap dances at the strip club.  That's just what happens at strip clubs.  He probably wasn't even allowed to touch her or anything though, or her him, so it's really no different than whatever you thought was going on in the first place.  Watching a naked girl dance on stage vs. watching her dance right up next to you.  Either way, she doesn't care about anything but the money he's giving her and he doesn't care about her.  Just remind yourself of that.  He's marrying you, he loves you.  Him getting a lap dance really means nothing and changes nothing.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    It helps to think about it that way Dani.  Thank you.
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    There are definitely some nasty strippers, but there are also really hot ones.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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    Try not to worry about it. The whole strip club thing is more about male bonding than anything else for most guys.

    If it's really bugging you, though, I think it's OK to say something to FI. Not in an "I'm pissed at you" way, but in an "I know it's ridiculous, but this thing is bugging me. Is there anything you can say to make me feel better?" kind of way. It may make him roll his eyes a little bit but he loves you so I'm sure he'll tolerate it.
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    Really only time will help you forget about it....when my FI had his bachelor party I knew he was going to a strip club and I knew that his groomsmen would buy him lap dances and I was ok with it since I had time to prepare myself, but when my BEYOND Drunk FI came home that night and wanted to spill his guts (truth come out when your drunk, right?!) he decided to tell me all about the hottest stripper "Sierra" he's ever seen and how when she was done with her first dance for him he wanted more so he through out a $100 bill and had her keep dancing.  He never goes to strip clubs, so I was a bit upset but nothing too big... but it did take a week or so to get it out of my head.  My best friend danced for a while in college so I know the ins and outs enough.  I trust him and he couldn't even remember her name or the name of the club the next morning when he sobered up, so I'm not too concerned.  especially when he tells me every day how beautiful I am -

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    It's great that you're handling it well.

    And Dani said everything that I would have. 

    For me, one thing about DH going to strip clubs and or/ getting lap dances is that he doesn't make a habit out of it.  I'd have issues if he went all the time, but when it's at a bachelor party, he's being one of the guys. 
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    It's to easy to tell you to get over it. People just have different tolerance levels for different things. It doesn't sound like this is something he has done before, which tells me it was a one time bachelor party kind of thing.

    If if helps, I don't think lap dances are done in a private room. I think they are done in front of everyone. Give it some time.
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:d39dfc5c-a15c-4834-b92b-41ce09179f5fPost:b91bf44d-4021-4f82-8c4f-4def2d6b0a24">Re: Strippers for the Bachelor Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]If if helps, I don't think lap dances are done in a private room. I think they are done in front of everyone. Give it some time.
    Posted by baby green bird[/QUOTE]

    It depends.  The run of the mill lap dance happens out on the floor, so your guy is getting a lap dance while all his friends are standing around cheering.  You can also get a dance in the VIP room, but they are ungodly expensive.  Different clubs are different, but at one club the VIP room was $500 just to get back there, plus you had to pay the girl. 
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    There are also clubs where the lap dances have to be done in a separate area but you're next to all the people getting the lap dances so it's not all that private.
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    I'm not really a big fan of the idea of DH having a stripper, but if he did, I wouldn't be upset. Lap dances are just part of the deal. You should have talked about this before the party, and since you must not have gone into detail, you can't get too upset with him.

    Either way, you're about to be married. Regardless of the lap dances. Just give him one that's hotter.

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