MoB as Officiator...

MBeezKneez

This is the first of many questions, I suspect.

I am getting married in November, and my FI and I are discussing asking my mother if she will officiate our wedding. 

Is it terribly rude to ask my mother to do this? I am not doing so to find a 'job' for her, I am doing it because I -and my FI- would be genuinely honored to have her officiate and cannot imagine anyone else that we would prefer in her place. 

I know it seems super early by wedding planning standards and that budgeting should come first but...there are "currents' in my family's relationships (as well as the FI's) that require I decide this sooner rather than later. 

DramaGeek

Do you think your mom will be honest with you about whether or not she wants to do it?  If so, then just make sure you phrase it in a way that lets her know while you'd be honored to have her do it, you also understand if she doesn't want to for whatever reason.  Just like most of us thought about our wedding days since we were little girls, many moms dream about their daughters' wedding days, and this might not be something she's interested in, kwim?  I actually asked my mom to walk me down the aisle (along with my dad) and she said no because she'd always dreamed of seeing my dad walking me down the aisle and her at the front of the church.  Different strokes for different folks!

sarabellam

My father officiated at our wedding (he's an Episcopal priest). He would have been deeply hurt otherwise. Ask her what her preference is.

froggatt.clare

I think you should absolutely ask!

She may not have suggested it because she is waiting for you to ask.  My Dad, who is a pastor, didn't want to assume anything, and waited for me to ask him to officiate, AND for me to ask him to walk me down the aisle.

And I don't think she will see it as you having a 'job' for her.

SarahPLiz

Is she a minister, or otherwise experienced at officiating? If so, then I don't think it is rude at all. If not, then she might see it as an off the wall request, but not necessarly rude unless you INSIST that she do it and she doesn't want to. 

MyUserName1

Make sure to look closely at your state's requirements for officiants.  Some states have VERY strict guidelines about who can and cannot officiate.

I agree with PPs that you should ask her in a way that doesn't make her feel like she has to or your feelings will be hurt, etc.  

MBeezKneez

She is qualified, and officiated at my elder sister's wedding many years ago so there is some precedent. 

However, she has not participated in any wedding in that manner in several years, which makes me wonder: does that sort of thing require a license that expires? *scratches head*

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-officiator?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3b83d1e-cc7e-418f-826b-725e9d4bdeefPost:fe5a63c9-8710-4418-9431-21b0971f420e">Re: MoB as Officiator...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>She is qualified, and officiated at my elder sister's wedding many years ago so there is some precedent</strong>.  However, she has not participated in any wedding in that manner in several years, which makes me wonder: does that sort of thing require a license that expires? *scratches head*
Posted by MBeezKneez[/QUOTE]

<div>In this case, no I don't think it's rude or weird at all!  As far as expiration, I don't think so, but that's going to be state specific.</div>