Are you really not supposed to use shower gifts until after wedding?

Katelyn89

I've seen this posted in a couple of threads recently and I was really surprised. I did a quick web search and I found that it's because the wedding might be called off... is this really the only reason? FIs family threw us a shower last weekend and our wedding isn't for 10 weeks, are we supposed to not use anything until then?? We already live together.

MyUserName1

You're not supposed to.

...But I did once I had sent out the thank yous. If for some reason, the wedding hadn't happened, I would have bought a new set of sheets, etc. and given them to the gift giver.

RebeccaB88

Yep, that's exactly why.  If the wedding doesn't happen, you have to return all gifts. Including cash. 

I'm sure it will suck, but it's the right thing to do.

larrylurker

If you saw it in a couple of post already why did you need to ask again? The answers will be the same.

Katelyn89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_are-you-really-not-supposed-to-use-shower-gifts-until-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d41d95fc-0ba0-4bdd-be51-4a4ea3386156Post:31163214-f08e-4980-a5ef-868eee5a369b">Re: Are you really not supposed to use shower gifts until after wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you saw it in a couple of post already why did you need to ask again? The answers will be the same.
Posted by larrylurker[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I believe I asked if this was the only reason and clearly I was wondering if other people waited or used them before. 

</div>

HockeyFan4

No one plans for the wedding to not go as planned...so unless you can afford to replace the gifts you use before hand, you shouldn't use them.

we waited, even on engagement gifts (except for a nightstand and lamp my mom got us and insisted on us using)....  Our shower was almost 3.5 months before our wedding due to timing...we had a lovely wall o boxes of gifts until after the wedding.

Katelyn89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_are-you-really-not-supposed-to-use-shower-gifts-until-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d41d95fc-0ba0-4bdd-be51-4a4ea3386156Post:345a694e-0f08-4507-b0be-9b92046c3f79">Re: Are you really not supposed to use shower gifts until after wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are you really not supposed to use shower gifts until after wedding? : This is what I did.  It's technically incorrect, but <strong>I'm having a love affair with my vacuum</strong>.  OP, Larry Lurker sucks, ignore it.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I can stand to wait to use the place settings and new towels, but I REALLY want to use our new pots and pans... maybe I will just use them hah</div>

DramaGeek

Yup, you should wait, unless you are financially ready to replace everything in the event that the wedding is cancelled.

SKPM

We just had a couple's shower last weekend, and we're trying to wait until after the wedding to use anything. I think it will be kind of exciting when we get back from our honeymoon to open everything up and give it a place in our home/kitchen (totally just my opinion though). In my mind, it's almost like a reward for surviving wedding planning. (This is not a traditional reason to wait, but my mother is traditional and we're waiting in order to appease her, and the gifts now seem like a light at the end of a long DIY-tunnel.)

Katelyn89

hmm you all bring up good points. Maybe waiting to use them won't be THAT bad.

DreamCLG7

i think its silly...having called off a wedding once, not one person accepted their money or gifts back. in full disclosure, i was six months out so there wasnt much to return. however, there were a few and those that i tried to return didnt accept.

ingramnusz

We've only received one gift thus far, but as it is relatively inexpensive and part of it was perishable, we decided to use it. (coffee grinder with a package of whole bean coffee). We'll probably hold off on using most things til after the wedding.

ElisabethJoanne

I put a piece of art we were given on the wall because I thought it was safer than a drawer or closet, where it's more likely to get dented. If for some terrible reason the wedding doesn't happen, I'll take it off the wall and give it back. The giver bought it used, too, so totally unusual situation.

I tried using the measuring cups AllClad sent us just for registering, but they were the wrong size.

Also, I hear sometimes people give things obviously meant to be used at the wedding - cake-cutting sets, toasting flutes. Obviously you should take these out of their packages before the wedding.

Other than these totally quirky examples, I agree with PPs.

angryangry

We waited until after the wedding to use everything (including engagement gifts) and we live together also. And our engagement was over a year. There was just something nice about opening and using all of the gifts (finally) after the wedding. I think this issue probably falls more into the realm of tradition than ettiquette. At the very least, if you do use the gifts it would be best not to advertise that fact to anyone old-school (i.e., don't write in your thank you note to aunt edna that you have been using it). 

4n6chick

We didn't use any bridal shower or wedding gifts until after the wedding, with one exception - a vase that my grandparents gave us.  I used it on Valentine's Day (which was about 6 weeks before the wedding), along with a couple place settings and flatware that we had gotten as Christmas gifts.

There are still a lot of things we haven't used at all or taken out of their boxes.  Heck, I'm still in the process of getting rid of old stuff and putting away the new stuff - my office still looks like a Macy's registry section while half my living room looks like Goodwill.

Mirahbelle4

The only gift we have used is our Kenwood Chef, which FI's mom bought us as an engagement gift, and that is only because we are making our own wedding cake and used it to practice. This was at his mom's house, where she basically opened it for us. In the unlikely event that the wedding is called off, we'll reimburse her.

The rest of the gifts have taken over a corner of FI's house. It wouldn't make much sense to use them since we don't live together yet.

brilibby4

My family thinks I'm silly for waiting but we haven't used anything yet.  Our whole guest room is full of gifts just sitting there but I almost feel like it would be bad luck to use them now!  Like I would use them telling myself "of course my wedding won't get called off" and would jinx us.  But I'm fairly superstitious so there is that.

mellimel19

FI balks that I won't let him use any of our new stuff. We have lived together for over 4 years, so he thinks it's silly to just have this new stuff sitting around in boxes for months. And yes, while the reason for this is so that in case something happens you give the gifts back, in our case it's more that I want us to start the new phase of our life with new stuff, BECAUSE we already live together and already had a lot of the basic new stuff you get when first combining households.