what do you think?

ILoveToRobot

its coming down to guest list finalization. stds go out next month. my family is huge and no im not counting second cousins and what not. to try and keep numbers down my parents who are paying have even cut family off the list. my fi has a small family and so his list is ninety percent friends and friends parents. some of his list are people that neither of us have seen or spoken to in quite some time. i feel like he gets to invite everyone and their mother from his past and present while my parents cut friends off the list and i only get my bridal party and a few close friends. is it wrong of me to sit down with him and his list to point outt a few people who probably shouldnt be invited? i wouldnt approach it with you have to cut these people but more like when was the last time yyou spoke with this person? or last i heard you thought this person was a weirdo...

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_think-33?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4872d7e-23fd-4380-b304-eea114c9c031Post:b484c715-44e4-49f1-9532-ef19899a64a8">what do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]its coming down to guest list finalization. stds go out next month. my family is huge and no im not counting second cousins and what not. to try and keep numbers down my parents who are paying have even cut family off the list. my fi has a small family and so his list is ninety percent friends and friends parents. some of his list are people that neither of us have seen or spoken to in quite some time. i feel like he gets to invite everyone and their mother from his past and present while my parents cut friends off the list and i only get my bridal party and a few close friends. is it wrong of me to sit down with him and his list to point outt a few people who probably shouldnt be invited? i wouldnt approach it with you have to cut these people but more like when was the last time yyou spoke with this person? or last i heard you thought this person was a weirdo...
Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

My FI and I were in a similar position.  I have a big Irish Catholic family and decided I couldn't invite second cousins (I am close to one branch) and he has no first cousins, no aunts and uncles so his family was really all second cousins from his father's family.  Also, I had relocated when we were dating and we are getting married where we live.  So there are lots of local people to invite and his parents give us a list, while my parents (who are putting in more than his parents) told me that my first cousins were fine and not to feel the need to invite anyone else for them.  I finally had to sit down and tell my FI that I was unhappy that my parnents and I were very limited while he was inviting distant relatives and friends of his parents while I was cutting friends.  Luckily, he saw my point and the list is now balanced.

The conversation may not be easy, but you need to have it or you may become resentful.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]I think in your case, it's more fair to draw guest list lines in circles rather than in absolute numbers. [/QUOTE]

<div>This.  Sometimes it makes sense to have even sides, but sometimes there are other solutions that make more sense, and this is one of the more common ones.</div>

Grits8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_think-33?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4872d7e-23fd-4380-b304-eea114c9c031Post:8ab608b9-4cb5-49d3-a0aa-daed86bcb8d2">Re: what do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think in your case, it's more fair to draw guest list lines in circles rather than in absolute numbers. For example, have both sides invite all relatives out to first cousins, regardless of number. Then, divvy up the extra remaining spots equally.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]
This.  His family may be smaller, but that doesn't mean that your family can take up 80% of the guest list.   He should be able to invite who he thinks should be there to be his "part" of the list.  <div>
</div><div>The list by no means has to be equal, but he can't help it that his family is small.  Im in the same situation, but the other way around.  He isn't inviting may friends because he has all family.  Where as I get my family and maybe a couple more friends than him.</div>