Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding Quandary

2»

Re: Wedding Quandary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:b8d2be34-712b-40c7-a702-e40763706ebe">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : This is the etiquette board.  People post on here to get advice about proper behavior.  Your advice is completely against etiquette, and disregards people's feelings. OP, I'm sorry but you have already had your wedding.  The best thing for you to do is to send out wedding announcements to tell your friends and relatives that you are legally married.  Some will send congratulations and maybe gifts. I would plan a nice party to celebrate your marriage with friends and family.  Just don't try to turn it into a re-do wedding.  That is what is tacky.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    Why did her post go against etiquette? She simply told the OP to have a party if that's what she wanted because she is paying for it. I might have missed something, but there is nothing in the OP that leads me to believe she was breaking etiquette.
  • So 3 wedding ceremonies? I mean in case the first two don't feel real enough for me.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:dc1f2c48-6e23-41ab-a5d1-0e061556ff0e">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary :<strong> I'm sorry, but anyone who would genuinely be insulted by someone else's verbiage around their wedding needs to unclench. </strong>
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I'm not personally a JOP bride, but I just know I'd be annoyed if I was and someone else said they wanted a "real" wedding after "just signing the papers." A JOP wedding IS a real wedding. The OP is already married. I think a VR or celebration is fine, just that the OP shouldn't act like she isn't already married, because that'd be dumb. </div>
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:bda219da-ba75-409a-bcf4-025d4f26503f">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : I'm not personally a JOP bride, but I just know I'd be annoyed if I was and someone else said they wanted a "real" wedding after "just signing the papers." A JOP wedding IS a real wedding. The OP is already married. I think a VR or celebration is fine, just that the OP shouldn't act like she isn't already married, because that'd be dumb. 
    Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

    Well, then you need to get over yourself. Her definition of "wedding" is different than yours. It doesn't make you any less married than she is. And I'm certain that she is not trying to put down your marriage by preferring a larger ceremony, etc. Getting offended over the words that a stranger on the internet uses is pointless and a waste of time.
  • Every time someone includes "no  poofy white wedding dress" I have an image of a bride being inflated like a balloon.

    Tired espression, it goes along with "prettty princess day"

    No opinion to the OP, she''s alread had enough.  As long as she doesn't lie, I really dont care

  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:c2db59ad-afc8-40fb-9671-e6333088db77">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : I didn't read anything that makes me think she feels entitled to it. She wants to celebrate her marriage with her loved ones. Why is that wrong?
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    "afterwards that we were planning on having the <strong>big wedding in the summer when we had time to plan and include everyone</strong>.  Now I really hadn't though much about this until recently when I was trying to figure out how to word the invitations.  I <strong>didn't take his last name during the civil ceremony, because honestly we were treating the civil ceremony as a formality- a  means to an end.  I fully intend on taking his name in what we're calling "our real wedding</strong>" in August.  I've been researching online what the etiquette is with something like this and I've seen a lot of negative posts so now I'm freaking out- should we be doing this at all? We both acknowledge that this is more of a renewal of vows which is fine but I want to have my<strong> girlfriends stand up with me and buy a dress etc</strong>. I'm just starting to feel guilty for wanting those things now.  So I'm looking for some advice on what the best approach to this sitution would be...... "


    Celebrating with loved ones is fine. Bolded parts of OP's statement indicate that she wants the things she did not feel she should have to give up by going to the JP.  She may not be lying to anyone, but she is not owed a full blown wedding now because she made an adult decision that free tuition was more important.  Not knowing all the ins and outs of the campus rules, he could have waited a year to go to school.  Do I get a do-over because I hit my budget cap and had to start cutting things out that we really wanted?  We did not get everything that we wanted either.  I don't try to make up for that by having a re-do wedding down the line.  I put my big girl panties on and move on.  That is part of being an adult.  There are consequences to every decision that you make.  You don't always get what you want. It makes no sense to spend thousands of dollars on a party at this point.  If she wants to spend a couple hundred bucks and take mom and dad out to dinner--fine.  To ask people to buy attire is not ok. To spend money on a wedding gown, caterer, booze, venue, and dj is not smart spending if she is already married.
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:95c73035-e450-4844-b79a-246f707f9f84">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : Why is this not smart spending now that she's already married and it's okay if she's not?  It's not your money..why do you care how she spends it?
    Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    This. Why is it that we jump all over peoples' asses for telling others how to spend their money, yet you feel completely okay with doing it in this case? It's her money. If she wants to spend it on a big fancy party, what business is it of yours?

    Wanting something and being willing to work for it and pay for it yourself =/= feeling entitled to it.
  • edited March 2012

    The OP herself said she realizes that it was a bad idea, and is going to just have a party. So why continue attacking her?

    And she came here from advise. Prior to researching the topic, she didnt realize it was against etiquette. She took the original advise to heart, and was going to alter her plans as to not be rude to someone else.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    No skin off my nose how she spends her money.  She can spend whatever she wants on this thing.  But it makes no sense to me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a fake wedding when you are already married because you feel you missed out.  Explain to me how this makes sense. To be honest, it makes no sense to spend thousands and thousands on a wedding to begin with.  It is a one-day party. 

    Have a party.  Make it small.  Skip the dress, wedding attendants, favors, chair covers and all the other crap that the wedding industry makes you feel like crap if you don't have. A BBQ in the backyard is a great way to celebrate with family and appropriate. 

    ROCK IS KING!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:dcc10c27-d73a-47c3-95a1-a38dbdee60aa">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]No skin off my nose how she spends her money.  She can spend whatever she wants on this thing.  But it makes no sense to me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a fake wedding when you are already married because you feel you missed out. <strong> Explain to me how this makes sense.</strong> To be honest, it makes no sense to spend thousands and thousands on a wedding to begin with.  It is a one-day party.  Have a party.  Make it small.  Skip the dress, wedding attendants, favors, chair covers and all the other crap that the wedding industry makes you feel like crap if you don't have. A BBQ in the backyard is a great way to celebrate with family and appropriate. 
    Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]
    I don't have to make sense of it because it really doesn't bother me. 
    If that's what she wants to spend her money on, Go for it. 
    I would rather spend my money on a vacation but that's my personal preference...and TBH I might feel differently if I wasn't having a wedding. <div>
    </div><div>OP-Do whatever you want. Just don't lie to everyone in the process and you're good.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:dcc10c27-d73a-47c3-95a1-a38dbdee60aa">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]No skin off my nose how she spends her money.  She can spend whatever she wants on this thing.  But it makes no sense to me to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a fake wedding when you are already married because you feel you missed out.  Explain to me how this makes sense. To be honest, it makes no sense to spend thousands and thousands on a wedding to begin with.  It is a one-day party.  Have a party.  Make it small.  Skip the dress, wedding attendants, favors, chair covers and all the other crap that the wedding industry makes you feel like crap if you don't have. A BBQ in the backyard is a great way to celebrate with family and appropriate. 
    Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]

    It doesn't have to make sense. A lot of people spend their money on things that I don't really get (expensive jewerly, other big fancy parties, designer clothes and shoes), but it's not my place to judge because it's not my money.
  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited March 2012
    All I'm saying is you get one wedding. OP had hers, and it sucks that it's not what she really wanted, apparently. Anything else is a show/fake, a convalidation, a VR, or a celebration of marriage, unless they get divorced and married again. If OP wants to throw a big party to celebrate with loved ones now, that's wonderful. Spend all the money she wants. I just don't feel it should be called a wedding. Maybe that's semantics but whatever. I'm just a stranger on the internet to her, but I bet someone in her friends/family feel the same way. 

    ETA: OP said they acknowledge it's more of a VR, so I think that's totally fine. I didn't mean to come down so hard on her specifically. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • I think it's unfair to jump all over people because they don't always know the correct terminology.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:a60f5939-4b9d-415a-b9b2-c6570bf3fee4">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : I agree with this. And definitely stop calling him your boyfriend. He's your husband, whether you regret what you did or not. People need to think through the consequences of their actions, and just because now you think "Oh, but I would have liked to have a big dress" doesn't mean you will be any more married than you are. <strong>In most of Europe, all people do is have a civil ceremony. It's the only thing that actually legally makes you married.</strong> I understand if you now feel some regret. I get it. But that doesn't mean you get a 'do over'. Honestly, I don't really care if people have vow renewals, but I sideye it if it's less than 5 years minimum.
    Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, in many parts of Europe people have two ceremonies, the civil one to make it legal and a religious/spiritual one to make it count in a different way. For example in Catholic countries, the second ceremony was mandatory if you wanted  your wedding to be recognized by the church. Therefore, the civil ceremonies tend to be quite short and not so personal in many countries, like in Belgium where I live. Even non-religious couple tend to add a second ceremony to make some room for personalization and for guests (in my city hall only a very limited number of people can witness the ceremony).</div><div>
    </div><div>These two ceremonies can be hours, but sometimes days, weeks or months apart. I'll have my private civil ceremony on a Friday, followed by a larger spiritual ceremony and reception the day after. I realise that's absolutely not done in the US, but no one frowns upon that overhere. So OP would be fine if she did what she planned in doing in Europe. </div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry if this is annoying.</div>
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:d590f133-1764-4b1f-805e-183cd575f232">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : Can we add backyard BBQ to the list of overused suggestions?
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]
    This. 
    Not everyone wants to eat BBQ in a backyard. 
    FFS.
    image
  • I would let people know you are married and having a party at a later date. Our neighbbours got married withour fanfare for insurance reasons or some such (it was a while ago and this memory gets foggy). They had a rip-roaring party the following summer, I think about 5 months after they got married. They did not have a ceremony, but did give a short speech each. I wouldn't have another ceremony. That's the poor ettiquette part.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-quandary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d4ae407e-8cff-4a1e-835c-c7988795fcd4Post:d95bc14f-9caf-4d8d-9881-1ec14f245ad8">Re: Wedding Quandary</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Quandary : *Advice.
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    thanks for catching my spelling error.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • God, I LOVE the etiquette wedding boards. So. Many. Opinions.


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards