Wedding Etiquette Forum

Should I invite my bridesmaids to every wedding shower?

I have four bridesmaids: my sisters, a cousin (who hosted my first bridal shower), and a friend.  My fiancé and I have been together for over 8 years and we both have huge extended families.  Since my family has many more get-togethers than his, he knows my family much better than I know his.  My family threw me a bridal shower a few weeks ago and his family is throwing me one in a few weeks.   My friend who is a BM was invited and came to my first bridal shower.  Honestly, I regretted asking my friend to be my bridesmaid shortly after I asked.  She has a very dominant personality and is not a very likeable person in general (I was a BM in her wedding shortly before I got engaged and was still able to tolerate her at the time).  I am actually embarrassed to be associated with her in most public situations and I was afraid for her to meet my family.  She did okay at my shower but I really don’t want her to meet my fiancé’s family, especially since I do not know them very well.  His family invited my mom and sisters (just because they’re my sisters) but not the other bridesmaids.  The only issue is that my friend asked my fiancé about my next shower last week and I think she expects to be invited.  I think it would be really awkward for her and me if she came plus I don’t want her to feel like she has to get 2 gifts.  Is it okay not to invite my bridesmaids to every family shower, especially if I don’t know his family that well?

Re: Should I invite my bridesmaids to every wedding shower?

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    Yes - it's fine to only invite her to the one.  Your sisters were invited to #2 as your sisters not as your BMs (sounds like the cousin was not invited, is that right?) so it's not like she's specifically being left out.

    That said, it isn't UNcommon for the BMs to be invited to all showers, so she still might get her panties in a bunch over it.  You have to decide which is the preferable drama: her attending shower #2 or her being mad that she wasn't invited to shower #2.  It sounds like you'd prefer the second option, so stick with it.  If she asks just tell her it's all his family.  You're not the host so it's not your fault who is and isn't on the list (even if it IS how you want it)
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    cbrown828cbrown828 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited February 2013
    I agree with Kate, you're kind of stuck choosing between the lesser of two potential dramas. I don't think bridesmaids need to be invited to every shower when more than one is given. In fact, in my experience it's a relief to not have to attend multiple showers and feel pressured to either bring a gift or risk being side-eyed. Wouldn't it be nice if your friend thought so? Perhaps you can pose it to her that way- "My poor sisters would love to be able to get out of it. Lucky you, you get a little break!" Good luck!
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